A Hidden Double Life Forces One Mom To Choose Herself

Your life can change in one phone call, one video, one “explanation” that makes no sense. I’m back with a follow-up letter from Jessica, who is pregnant, overwhelmed, and trying to process the kind of betrayal that cuts twice: her boyfriend Chase doesn’t just cheat, he cheats with her cousin, denies what’s happening, and leaves her to pick up the pieces while she’s preparing to bring a child into the world.

From family fallout to awkward holidays to the long road of co-parenting, we focus on what Jessica can control next: building a support system, talking to her parents, and considering counseling so she doesn’t carry this alone after the baby arrives. If you’ve ever been lied to, blindsided, or forced to start over, this conversation will feel painfully familiar. Subscribe, share this with someone who needs it, and leave a review with your take: what boundary would you set first?

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Transcript

Welcome Back And The Follow Up

SPEAKER_00 4:10

Yes, yes, yes. How are we doing out there, y'all? Y'all doing all right? Y'all good. We're gonna get this thing started just a second here. Alright, y'all. How we doing out there? Y'all doing alright, y'all good? It's been a great week. Fun week. Not too bad though. Hopefully y'all doing alright. Wanna welcome y'all to the show. I am the icon. The show is called Let's Talk About It. And um again, a technical difficulty this week, because the show was supposed to be posted, but it didn't get posted. So here we are. In any event, so we have a follow-up to a podcast about the was a secret for a young lady who I guess was in somewhat of denial that her boyfriend was either gay or bisexual. I don't know what the hell it was, but she did email me back and she just gave me an update um on what's been going on with her life and well not really what's going on with her life, but the situation that transpired and unfolded. It turns out um she caught the the podcast on BuzzCast, so um I'm not gonna really point her out, but hopefully she's listening, and that I'm gonna try to offer I guess a little bit more of an opinion or some more kind of advice for her. So um, but this is just going to be a second half to the follow-up to the show that was called What Do You Do? What Do You Risk When You Stay Quiet? So I know that they give me a title on one episode, but then when I put it into the system, I get a suggestion on a title. So, in any event, we are going to jump right into the show. We're gonna get this thing popping, get this thing crack a lacking, and we're going to uh try to see if we can help this young lady. So, without further ado, I want to welcome all of you, and here we go. It kind of rhyme, didn't it? You know, I've been known to cut a wrap back in the day. I'm just saying, you know, I

Jessica’s Update Letter Begins

SPEAKER_00 7:30

can't throw down, I can't get the bars. No, I can't. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Anyways, okay, so here we go. We're going to start this thing off with her. Um, the letters entitled Secret Part 2. So here we go. Hello again, Icon. Hey, how are you? No, it's good. I just wanted to say thank you again for taking the time to read my letter, advice you gave me about my situation. I was able to see and listen to you on Buzzcast because I know the show hasn't aired yet, that is true. Um, but I wanted to give you an up you, you and your listeners, an update. It's been rough here. It was rough to hear what you were saying, but most of it was correct. Apparently, I didn't want to see what was going on. I had blinders on. After listening to the show, I just kept being oblivious to the fact that my boyfriend is either gay or bisexual, but it all had me really thinking about life. Life or world, life in the world? I don't know. I wanted to bring our child in. Wait, it got me thinking all about life in the world. I wanted to bring our child in, and I have to say that it's it's scary in a dark world, but nevertheless, I'm having this baby with or without him. But I'm writing you again because the plot thickens, and though I thought it couldn't get any worser, well, let's just say it got a lot worse. Let's start with the obvious. I left Chase and it was a big blow-up. Because not only has he been seeing my cousin, but I think they're a couple now. Cause how's that even possible?

SPEAKER_03 9:13

Huh.

SPEAKER_00 9:14

And they or he, my ex-boyfriend, are into some weird shit. I kind of found out that he wasn't going to the gym that I unexpectedly well, he would go there only to meet with my cousin. Yeah, I kind of figured that. And they would go back to his place, and he would be like like he's there like a regular job. So I called him and asked, was he at work, and then he said he was fine because I was going to my mom's house. But as it turns out, I was sitting outside my cousin's house for the better part of 15 minutes, but couldn't stay because I had a craving and I had to go pee a lot. So when I got back home, I let him have a smoothie. I smoothly crashed out on him so bad that I had to go to the hospital. But don't worry, the baby and me are fine. The doc said it was stressed and I need to take a rest, so I went to my mother's house for real this time and stayed for about a week. My mom knew something was wrong because she said that I could tell her. She said I could tell I could I uh my mom knew something was wrong. She said could could tell her, but I'm fine and not to worry. I will talk to her when the time is right. Getting back to my ex Chase, he fed me some bullshit about how my cousin knows how to please a man, and I was like, the hell? Yeah, what the hell? Icon, I guess he wouldn't know how to please a man. What the hell? I asked Chase, so you're gay now. He got mad and said no. I was like, literally, what in the hell do you call this? I showed him a video of him and my cousin in our bed and he said he wanted to try it out. Icon, what the hell? Yeah, what the hell? What does try it out mean? I mean It's like I mean Was my cousin some kind of different player that I didn't know about? I mean seriously. I asked him to explain himself. He told me that he wanted to that he wanted to feel what it felt like to get pegged. Okay. Sorry, I don't mean to keep laughing. Yeah, I know what pegged is, so I'm just gonna keep it PG13 because you know he may have some young listeners. That was enough for me. I can no longer deal with this shit. I asked him if there was anything else he wanted to share, share, show, and uh share of show and tell. I asked him if he was protected, he said no, that it just happened. I was like, what the hell? So he said that they would sometimes have unprotect they would sometimes use protection, sometimes not. And I was like, well, damn, how many times did you do did my cousin peg each other? This dumbass had the audacity to tell me that they're trying to get to this letter. This dumbass had the audacity to tell me that they pegged each other or had sex roughly about 10 to 12 times by icon. He wanted to try, he wanted to try it, so I'm not an expert, but I told him, damn it, Chase, you're fucking gay. Gay, G-A-Y, and this dumbass is playing dumb like this. Yeah, you know, I don't really say all this stuff about letters, but on the show because but you know, it's what it is. We're gonna get to this letter. And I said, But you've only had and you've had sex with me why? He said, Well, I still love you, but I was like, Oh hell no, I can't do this. This shit's gotten way out of control. And if that wasn't enough, my friend Cassie sent me a video that he posted to some porn site of him and my cousin making a sex video. Yeah, the plot does definitely thicken here. And the title icon, get this, my little my little boy toy. And I was like, Why in the hell would you send this to me? She knows my cousin, she knows who my cousin is, but the other guy was Chase, and I was like, How you how you know it was Chase, and apparently icon Cassie was also in the mix, though she said she didn't she didn't say what a role was in all this, but she didn't sleep with Chase, so I was like, Mitch please, Mitch please. Basically like, bitch please, but you know, Mitch, that must come off that TV show. This should just put me immense pressure on me. And it's not one thing to it's another, and why would he do this to me knowing that I'm about to have a baby? Talk about stress, icon. I'm pregnant, I shouldn't be going through this. We should be out shopping, but instead he's out trying, he's out trying, he's out trying out my cousin like he's at Baskin's Robins. Oh my god, Icon, this is so effed up. I don't like using the word F fucked up, but whatever. It's a bad situation. I know what need to be done, and I would just put him down like a rabid dog. Oh no, I'm just kidding, but seriously, I need more fresh advice because as much as I want to talk to my parents, I feel that now's not a good time. But I need a support system because right now I feel like I'm alone. I kinda the crazy thing is my dad is always my dad has always though he's the crazy thing is that my dad has always known he was yay in some sort of way. But I guess he was right. I also went to go get an STD test. So I couldn't so I could think about what ain't not wait, what? I also went to get tested for an STD. I could think of because ain't no telling what who or else Chase has been humming around or on or with. Icon, I've moved back into my parents' house. My mom is hovering over me like she keeps reminding me, asking me, but I'm like, eventually I will talk to her. But I'm pretty sure my dad already suspects something is up. I'm a true daddy girl. Okay, so well, that's what we have. That's um as I said before, this was a second part of this letter, and um not the girl's gentleman. I forgot the girl lady's name, huh? Anyways, she um was dealing with her boyfriend who apparently doesn't know if he's gay or if he's straight. But if you've had sex with a guy that many times, clearly you might be gay. I'm not really sure. I'm not really an expert on that. I'm just saying, I mean, if you're having sex 10 to 50 10 to 12 times and you want to feel like to get pegged, I don't know. That's some weird kind of not really weird, because I don't have nothing against gay people. If you want to be gay, that's fine, just don't bring somebody else into the fold to kind of damage what you've already had. The fact of the matter is you're about to have a kid and you're bringing a kid into this world, and you're telling yourself that you're gonna be. Well, I'm not really sure if you're telling yourself you're gonna be a good father or not, because the crazy thing is, how can you be a father if you're out doing this behind her mother's back? You know, in a relationship, you don't lie to keep secrets, you're in a relationship to grow closer and not hide things and ruin the trust that is in the relationship. So, I don't understand what Chase's deal is. Listen, we're in a different time now that if you're gay, you're gay. It's not a big deal. I mean, it's only a big deal because the people that you heard along the way, like you're in this whole relationship with this young lady. I can't for the life of me think of her name. I thought I had her name. Give me just a second. Cause I don't feel like I don't know. Give me just a second. Sorry, she didn't leave her I forgot her name. Oh, Jessica, got it. Okay, there, I feel a lot better now. Sorry about that. Okay, so it's Jessica and Chase. So I'm not sure what Mr. Chase's deal is about because Jessica I feel I can't really say I feel what you're saying. Okay, so it's like if you want to be gay, that's fine, but I can't really tell you how to live your life because your life is already gonna be complicated enough because not only are you bringing a child into this world, but you're like leaving her mother or the child of the mother of your child kind of high and dry because you want to take a little adventure and want to see what it feels like to get pegged. I don't understand what that's all about. I don't get it, I don't get it. And I can't really tell you how to feel because you're having these urges of being pegged. I mean, Jesus, mercy. I don't know what to say. I don't, I don't. But and I, Miss Jessica, I can't really say I feel your pain because I'm not gay. Um, I just think that I don't know what the red flags

The Breakup And The Cousin Twist

SPEAKER_00 18:40

were in your relationship to what drives it. I mean, besides that your cousin, and that you and your cousin uh y'all went to the same school and that he came out, and then I'm not even sure how that even happened, that your boyfriend and your cousin got together. Because you didn't really say anything about how your cousin plays a role in all this. And I know we don't go after people that we cheat with, but it's your family. And I'm just kind of shocked and trying to realize or trying to think what that Thanksgiving holiday dinner is gonna feel like or what it's gonna sound like around the holidays. You know, you ever had that thought? You know, because it's hard to look at people, especially people that's in your family, that's not only betrayed you but kind of stabbed you in the back. And they stabbed you in the back by taking what's valuable to you the most, and that's the person that you love. And the person that you love and that you thought you were gonna start a family with is now with somebody of the same sex. Now, if that's not uh that's not hard enough as it is, I mean imagine what the family's gonna be like around the holidays. Jesus, Lord of mercy. But it's it's a bad situation. Now, can you recover from this? You will. It's gonna take you some time because not only do you and Mr. Chase are not together anymore, but it's going to be a little bit rougher because now he's with your cousin. Who knows that's how long it's gonna last? And the fact that this man has made a porn video and launched it to a site called My Little Boy Toy. Hold on, let me read that, let me get that right. Because that was it wasn't funny, but it's just ridiculous. Um I didn't she sent me a link to it, but I'm not gonna share that with you guys because that's not what I do. I know that she's angry, she's pregnant, she's feeling all these kind of emotions, and that she doesn't know which way is up and which way is down. Because in retrospect, her life's been turned upside down because of her cousin and her boyfriend. Now, I know that man, I'm just trying to figure out it's just diabolical because it's diabolical when I say that because you this was a guy that your cousin number one, number two, he came out to you guys when you guys were in middle school and you guys kind of took up for him. But now I kind of feel like you're being stabbed in the back because he's not only taking your man, but he's taking the child of your father. And I'm just trying to figure how this is gonna play out because it's not gonna end well. Well, I can't really say it's gonna end well, and I'm not sure what the hell Mr. Chase is thinking about. Maybe he's thinking about I honestly don't know what he's thinking about. But listen, being gay in this day and age is not nothing. And I mean, I know you probably rather would have said it, you probably would have seen him with another girl, but let's just be honest. If you would have seen him with another girl, it wouldn't have made no difference if he's with a man or a woman. The only difference is that this guy that he's with is your cousin. So, yes, that hurts, that stings, and I know you want some revenge, but that's just not the way I talk. I mean I believe in every dog has his day. And I believe what goes around comes around. So I think for the best thing for you to do, Miss Jessica, is just continue to do you. And as I said before, I would urge you strongly to talk to your parents because this is not only going to fester inside you and it's going to bring up like a lot of bad emotions when you see him or if he's going to be there at the hospital, who knows? Because the crazy thing is, even though family is forever, doesn't mean you have to put up with them. I mean, family can do some diabolical shit, some real diabolical shit. But the secrets and lies will always kill a relationship, no matter how careful you are. You will get caught. What's done in the darkness eventually always comes to the light. And in this case, I don't know why it's taking so long to see that even from your first letter that you said that you had him on a camera in your bedroom, which I pray you guys got rid of, but something tells me he didn't, so yeah. But I get it. I get it, but I don't understand how it's gonna take you this long. And I understand that you want to hang on to something that's not there, but if it's not there, it's not there. You gotta let this person go. Now, yes, true, he is going to be the father of your child, but can you seem to coexist with him knowing what you know? Because I gotta feel it's gonna be a long road ahead for both of you, mostly for you, because not so much as him. And I mean to say that because men don't have the luxury of carrying a baby. Women get everything, they get everything, they get to carry the baby, the pain, the weight, all that shit. Men don't too much have nothing to carry. But maybe sometimes they feel guilty, maybe, and that's just a sad thing. So I get it, I understand it, but I don't think going about with the way you're going about it is just going to solve anything. I think what you seriously should do, because I know this is gonna hit you after you have the baby, is I would urge you to seek some kind of counseling and some kind of therapy. Um, because you're definitely gonna need that. Because as much as it's hurting now, it's gonna only hurt way more when this baby gets here, because you're gonna look towards a support system for him, because you said you need that support system. I know you live with your mom or you live with your parents and your family, and that's fine, that's good, but I don't know what kind of man Chase is going to be. I don't know what kind of father he's going to be when this baby gets here. Because clearly you haven't said anything in reference to him even being excited about the child or you or you guys going out doing shopping or whatever, it seems like you're carrying the weight of everything on your shoulders, on your back. And yes, it's not fair, life is never fair, you know, because sometimes the people that we love the most are the always the ones that hurt us the most. You know, forget family, forget friends, but the person that you really truly love, that you really want to be with is always gonna be that person that sometimes hurts us. And I would say that because I did the same thing to my wife, my late wife. Because but the only good thing about that is I didn't have any of the kids. I had all my kids with her. And though some men, if not most, do know what they want, some men just think they can get away with it. I mean, myself included. At one point in time, when I cheated on my my late wife, I thought I can get away with it. Now it's just not the fact that she didn't she didn't catch me, it's just the fact that she was very bright, very intelligent. She kind of put two and two together and already knew. And I don't know why us men are like that, and I'm s putting us men in that because yes, there's no such thing as a perfect man, and when we're in a relationship, I think sometimes we need to feel that we need to feel that that that we're loved in some kind of way, that we need to show that we still have that kind of feeling that we can get anybody we want. And I'm not saying that was my case. My case, I think I'm just a little bit I don't know. I think I'm just probably too nice and too naive to the fact that when I talk to a woman, I automatically assume that she wants me. But that's never the case. Sometimes it's the case, but it's not all the time the case. And I don't know why niggas I'm sorry, I did say I don't know why niggas would think not niggas, but men would think that way in general. So I'm just saying that we as men are dogs. I'm not a perfect man, never have claimed to be, never will be, but I do I have flaws. Just like Mr. Chase have flaws, but the only flaw that he has is that he's gay. I'm not gay, so yeah, but um, right. It's one thing to cheat with a woman, but to cheat with somebody in your own damn family is just kinda reprehensible, isn't it? Oh my gosh, that's like diabolical, it's crazy work, isn't it? So I don't know, I don't get it, I don't understand it, but it's life, we gotta deal with it. But the only thing that's gonna make me sad for you is that you're about to have this baby, and this baby's coming to this world, and you don't know what Mr. Chase is gonna do. I mean, I would have felt it's not that I would have felt, but if you could tell me a little bit more about what he was going to do in this letter, because it seems like I know that you're frustrated, I know you're upset, and you can't take away from the fact that what happened between him and your cousin, it happened. In your first letter, yeah, you was kind of oblivious, but now you're starting to come around. Even if you're in my chat on BuzzCast, don't let me know that. Just send me an email or whatever, because I don't want everybody coming to trying to attack you and saying, Oh, you know, you're stupid for doing this. This

Health Risks, Testing, And Safety

SPEAKER_00 28:10

we just don't do that here. If I'm trying to help you out, just send me an email because and I don't really want this to keep going on, but I know that you want the help, and sorry, person in my chat, so oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyways, the person in my chat just made me laugh, so whatever. Any event, any event, I know that it's just gonna be a hard field for you to swallow. I mean, no pun intended when I said swallow. Damn it, I gotta really choose my choice of words here. But the fact of the matter is, you keep getting tested, that's good. Now, I pray and hope that something doesn't happen to you and your baby in reference to an STD because that's never fun neither. So, and the whole time that he came back, and you guys kind of been going back together sleeping with each other, but he's been also doing your cousin, so as I said before, you gotta be careful. Now, I hope that you're not um I mean you said you moved away from him, but we all know that we all know that when this is just my experience. Well, not my experience, me okay. So my experience. We all know that because when I separated from my wife, um and when she had the baby, I kept going back and you know, you know, I was you know getting some, you know, I was saying, you know, we all don't see here, but I don't know if that's gonna be the case with you two because apparently your dude likes to get pegged a lot, and I don't know. Yes, I definitely agree with you on that. She does slap the shit out of her. But I don't know that damn it, she made me lose my train of thought. Anyways, when they have the baby, then yes, of course, when the the male either sees the baby or sees the mother, then they think like okay, everything's gonna be good, everything is fine, everything is gonna be back on track. And that's usually not the case. It's usually when the female has a baby, if Mr. Chase is gonna be there, he's going to be there to support you and his child. Now, I don't want to get another letter talking about, oh, you've had the baby and we're gonna try to make this work. If you're gonna try to make it work, make it work. If not, I honestly don't see how you're gonna come back from this because the fact of the matter is that your cousin and him are still involved. That's a bad thing. And I know if somebody in my family did that to somebody, if somebody in my family did that to me, there would be no coming back from that. I would pray about you and I would keep it moving. But at the end of the day, those holidays are gonna be kind of awkward, kind of weird. I might even start seeing 666 real talk. So yes, I welcome that. Yes, I welcome that. I so welcome that. But oh it's just crazy because as I said before, when the baby is here, things do kind of tend to change. Maybe for one day they're good, maybe for two days they're good, but then reality kind of sets in, you know, shit kind of keeps going back the way they are because you know as well as I know that when you have a baby, you're expecting him to come in and to take care of you and your child. Now, I'm not sure what Mr. Chase is going to do or how he's going to receive this or how he's going to sorry, I'm sorry, y'all, because I'm broadcasting on Facebook as well, and my co-host here is or my soon-to-be co-host, is just putting some crazy shit in the chats, but it's all good. But in any event, I'm trying to stay focused here, damn it. So, I don't know how this is going to go over with you and him. Because the fact of the matter is, like I said, when the baby gets here, it's going to be good for the next couple days, and then it's going to go right back to the way it was. And then you're going to also have these feelings that's going to come up and say, Well, can I trust him? Should I be with him? Uh, my answer would be no, you shouldn't. Because if you take him back after you have the baby, or who's to say he's not gonna do the same thing? Because it took you a better part of I don't know how long, I forgot how long it took you to come to realize that he is gay, as you said, gay. G-A-Y-Gay. So, oh my gosh, I really want this person to come on my podcast. She better get here quick. You know I'm talking about you girls, I'm playing. Any event, it's never gonna be the same as you thought it was because it's just gonna be awkward, it's gonna be weird. So, and so uh yes, so all I'm saying is that you're gonna have to make some decisions for yourself, you and your child, and I don't yes, he's gay, yes, yes, he's gay. You're gonna have to make some decisions for yourself, and I mean the decisions for yourself, decisions for you and your child. Do you want to put your child through this? Do you want to continue to go through this life knowing that your boyfriend is pegging your cousin or getting down with your cousin, or do you want this to be some kind of screwed up menage to? I don't I don't know, I don't get that. I I wouldn't want that. So you're going to have to make some tough decisions. I mean, do you want this relationship to do you want to try to see where this goes? Because I wouldn't want that for you or anybody. Because why would you want that for yourself and your child knowing that he could do this all over again? Now, I know that no, I don't know that, but I only see from what I see on you know videos when men talking about well, they've been delivered, they're not gay anymore. It's kind of a hard habit to break for some men. I'm not saying me because I'm not gay. So, but you know, we see these videos where men talking about they've been delivered from the evil of having sex with another man, and some men go back to it, and some men just kind of keep running away from it. I don't know if that's the chase. I don't, I don't get it. So, if in fact he you do decide to take him back, y'all gonna need a lot of damn therapy, a lot of damn counseling, a lot of damn something, y'all gonna need something to put this back on the map, y'all gonna need Jesus prayer, all the above. Because I don't see how you would want to take somebody back that not only did this to you, but knowing the fact that this guy is your cousin and that he is still sleeping with your cousin. So it's just bad. And I know that you may be you may feel like you're getting down yourself, you may feel like you're being lonely and all this, but you still have your family. I would urge you to talk to your mother, I would urge you to talk to your father. If you can't talk to your mother, talk to your father. You said your daddy's girl. Now, your dad, on the other hand, he might not be so reluctant to show Mr. Chase some mercy because not only did you knock him up, but he's also screwing the cousin. And I'm not sure what side of the family the cousin is on, but let's just say this ain't gonna be pretty again, even before the holidays or around on the holidays. So I hope that Mr. Chase, if he's gonna send you something, he sends it via FedEx, UPS, or US or UPS, no UPS or USPS. Yeah, there we go. Because let's just be real clear about something. If in fact this man comes around and your father's there, and your father's like, Well, what the hell is this? I think if you tell your dad, he's gonna have some reserves and he's gonna probably wanna he's he'll probably wanna do some damage, so yeah. But in any event, this is your life now, it doesn't have to be this way. You can continue to have this child, raise this child to the best of your ability. If Chase, if you want Chase to be involved, then you want him to be involved. But you need to set some boundaries, some ground rules, stating that hey, look, listen, what you did to me was screwed up because I would have never done that to you. That's like me cheating on you

Family Betrayal And Holiday Fallout

SPEAKER_00 36:45

with another with a dude. I'm not gonna say a female because females, y'all can do that shit easily and be like, okay, yeah, whatever. But if this was if the shoe was on the other foot, he'd be making a TikTok video, kind of supposed to being a cheater, whatever, whatnot, and then he'd be like, What the hell? So if the shoe was on the other foot, Mr. Chase, how would you really feel about that? And I hope you and I hope you listen to this podcast. I hope he does. But because why is it when a woman cheats and no, hold on. When a woman cheats, the man loses his shit. But when a man cheats and the woman doesn't have the right to lose her shit, I don't get none of that. So I think it's just gonna take some time, probably not too much time because I know you have this baby on the way. I don't know when your babies do, by the way, but you said you've been taking it easy and you've been resting and relaxing. That's good for you. The less stress the better, because you don't want to stress yourself out into an early labor. Take some time, try to get your thoughts together. If you need to talk to your people, your parents, your mother, your father, whoever, talk to somebody. I'm not a licensed therapist. I just do this because you wrote to the show, you told me about this, and I'm just trying to give you the best advice I possibly humanly can. And I can't really say what if this was me because I'm not gay, so I don't really have the urges for another man. I have the urge for women, but not another man, but I'm not. So I think, Miss Jessica, that not only do you have a lot to consider, but a lot to think about. And if you want to sit down and try to have a conversation or a civilized conversation with Chase, you should probably do that. I would probably recommend that you do it after you have the baby because any further uh discussions with him is probably gonna send you to an early labor. And I know you don't want that, and I know your baby doesn't want that because it seems like when you talk to him, you get so frustrated, you get so stressed out. And though you were in denial when you first wrote me, and now that you're starting to come around and see the light, that it's going to be a little bit difficult for you. So if you want to talk to him, I would say you need to wait till after the baby comes. You didn't even say if he calls and checks up on you, you didn't say if he takes you to your doctor's appointments, you didn't really say none of that. So now I'm trying to get a sense of how Mr. Chase is or how he's how he's going about this. Because let's be honest, let's be clear, this does hurt you, it's gonna continue to hurt you until you have this baby. Because I know in your mind you can't believe that you're about to have this baby and you're about to bring this child in the world along. Well, the child's not gonna be alone because the child's gonna have a good support system, he's gonna have his mother, his grandparents, and whoever else you may have. Now, as for your friend, Miss Cassie, I don't know what her role is in all this. I don't. I don't know if she's in on the the whole mix or whatever, but it sounds like you guys are pretty much not too close, but you guys know a lot about each other. Why she was sending this, I have no idea because to me that's just adding fuel to the fire. She knows you're probably gonna be already upset, and if you're not upset now, then your baby, your child's father is not only doing your cousin, but they're making a sex video of it, and they're putting it on for the world to see. Gotta show you there's a room for to be a politician. Man, once it's out there on the internet, it's out there, and once it's out there, it's it's really out there. So I hope that you can find some kind of not really say peace, but some kind of common ground on how you need to move forward because not telling something or hiding something on purpose is just the same as lying. So I don't know how you can come back from this, but you can because women are much stronger than men, women have always been stronger than men, and the reason why I say this is because again, women put up with a lot of shit from men, and though it's not fair to you the way you're being treated, the way it's what's happening to you and what's going on, I understand because I've too done that, I've done that too. Um, again, not with another man but a woman, so yeah, let's get that out the way here. Oh my god, that's good tea. Oh Lord, it's good tea. So I would just urge you to try to put this into respective for you, perspective. I would just say that take some time because you're gonna need all the time that you can take, and you're definitely going to need to try to figure out your next move. Now, killing him is not an option, so let's not let's not do anything hasty. I know that some men drive their women to do crazy things as we see through the internet, but you don't want to do that. And the reason why I say you don't want to do that is because you don't want to put yourself in any harm's way to harm yourself and then your child grows up without a mother and a father. You want to be there to teach your child. I don't know, did you I don't know if you said you're having a boy or a girl? Anyway, it doesn't matter. The fact of the matter is this, is that you want your child to grow up in a strong structured environment. And if his daddy doesn't want to, if his daddy doesn't want to be there in his life, I'm sorry, but I don't I don't get it. I don't know. So while I hope for you to come out of this in peace, but I know it's not because when someone lies to you it's because they don't respect you enough to be honest, and they think that you're just stupid to know the difference. And as I said in your first letter, that's that's basically what should have been said in the first letter because you knew about this, but you didn't want to call him out on it. You had all the video, you had all the proof, you had all the evidence. And now that you have this, what are you gonna do with it? Again, I'm not saying you should go out the deep end, I'm not saying you should go upside his head as well as some people would recommend, but it's not gonna solve anything. What's gonna solve it is this that either A, you just learn to I can't really say forgive and forget because you can't, I mean you can forgive him, but you ain't gonna be able to forget this. Because as long as he when your cousin's fooling around, that's just that's just diabolical, that's just horrible. But what I will say is that you gotta find some common ground within yourself, you gotta find something that's going to make you and your child happy. And if he's not gonna make you happy, then you should be moving on. And I'm not saying go move on to the first guy that you see and And do something with him. I'm not saying that. I'm saying that you should move on for yourself. And when you have this baby, continue to do what you're doing. Continue to stay strong. Continue to be strong. Continue to focus on you and your child and helping your child. Yes, there will come a time that you're going to.

Boundaries, Co-Parenting, And Counseling

SPEAKER_00 44:20

Well, either he or you will have to explain of what daddy's been doing. And I know that when our kids get here, we want to just run the man's name in the dirt. He's no good. He's this and the other. He's. I wouldn't recommend it. I don't know. Because you got a long world ahead of you. You got a whole 18 years. Oh Lord, a whole 18 years. Jesus. But then again, that's not saying that you can't come from this. That's just saying that if you have this baby, you decide. Let's say you had this baby moved on, and Chase was not a factor in your child's life. Well, just because he's not a factor doesn't mean there's not somebody out there that's for you that would be a factor in you and your child's life. What I'm saying is that if Chase is not going to take care of you the way that you desire or that you want, you and your baby, I'm not telling you to move on, but there's always somebody for everybody. So whether you choose to believe that, whether you choose to say, well, you know, I don't know. Because you guys have been together since I think you said since the middle school or whatever. And I know it's a hard feel to swallow. I know it is, because like I said before, me and my wife were together back in high school, but when I lost her, I know the situation is kind of different than what your situation is, but you know, sometimes we feel that all is lost when we don't have that person that we once gave our heart to and gave everything to. And yes, that's sad because you put all your effort and time into this relationship only to come to find out that your cousin has basically stabbed you in the back. And your cousin should be okay. Your cousin should be. Now, if you guys are all friends, let's say you guys are all best friends, and or let's say that you and Chase were best friends, and then Chase decided to hook up with your cousin, then yeah, that's different. But however, I don't even see how this again in my mind, I'm trying to play this in my head, trying to figure out how this even happened, or how he would come over to your house and you would not know or pick up on this. But when you did pick up on it, you kind of left to the fact that you're just living to the fact that yes, and then he was having sex with you. That doesn't make any sense because I'm not saying that you got a disease from it, but you know, things can happen. We don't want things to happen, but they happen, and it's just sad. So, Miss Jessica, I really hope that this podcast finds you in a better way. I hope it finds you in a good way. Because it's just sad, you know. I wouldn't wish this up on anybody, but we all know that this shit kind of happens every day, you know. We have family members sleeping with uh people that you know what I'm trying to say. I'm trying to keep it clean here, but we have family members that take advantage of their spouses or their loved ones or whoever they're with, and that's happened before. It's happened. Is it fair? No, is it right? Not even close. But I hope that you can find some kind of common ground with yourself and Mr. Chase, and I hope that you guys can do everything that's right for your child. I know you will, but it's just the fact that he may or may not want to because he's gonna be living an alternative lifestyle, a lifestyle that he may think that is going to be beneficial to him, but that's the thing about being gay, and I say this, I say this cautiously, but being gay can really suck, and I really want to tell you why. Because if you're gay, then you are attracted to the same sex, and when you see somebody who is either either is or isn't gay, well, then it's just so easy for you guys to go out there and do that. I don't understand the dynamics behind it, I don't get it, but that's just the way I feel about it. Because I think if you're gay, that you can go out there and cheat with another person of the same sex and then maybe not feel something behind it. I don't know. I don't get it, I don't know. I mean, I don't understand the whole gay thing. There's nothing I have nothing against gay people, trans people, nothing like that. I don't, I just understand it. Would you would have felt a lot better if it was a woman? I don't know because I say that because instead of one baby, you'd be having two. I'm just saying. So who knows? In any event, I hope something positive comes out of this. I hope something beautiful comes out of this. Um I hope something besides your child comes out of this. I hope something that is going to be a beautiful life is just going to inspire you and Chase to be good parents. You know, accept yourself, love yourself, and keep moving forward. If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down. And what I mean by that, the person that's weighing you down would be Mr. Chase. I don't really know his story. I don't know if this is something that he wants or this is something that he doesn't want. I don't know. But no matter how hard life gets, there's always hope. Even in the darkest nights in with a sunrise, trust that better days are ahead. Stay strong, keep moving forward, and believe that what is meant for you is on its way. So believe in that, believe in yourself, talk to your parents, and I feel that you may need some kind of therapy afterwards. Not saying it to be funny, but I know postpartum depression when you're having a child is real. And I know that because my wife went through it. So you're going to have to find a way to continue to be better for yourself and your child. So, as I want to say, I just want to say that don't do anything stupid, don't do anything crazy. Think about your actions because your actions always have consequences. I know he's hurt you, I know you want to hurt him back, but again, every dog has his day. We spend so much time trying to get at the people that hurt us instead of worrying about our own lives. And it shouldn't even be that way. You know, I've been hurt and I've done some hurting. And have I gotten what was coming to me? Maybe. If I have, I don't know because I'm too much of a positive person to understand that when somebody hurts me, I just kind of let it go because I don't feel the need to get be justified and let them and try to hurt them back because I know in the end they'll get what's coming to them. Do I wish that upon anybody? I don't, I really don't, but it's what it is, it's what life is. So as we get ready to close the show out, I want to say thank you to my listeners, thank you to my followers, Miss Jessica. I hope if you are in the chat that everything is going to be okay, and I think I hope that life is going to take you someplace better than what you're in now.

Hard-Won Hope And Closing Words

SPEAKER_00 52:15

So let's humble. Life humbles you as you age. You realize how much time you've wasted on nonsense. Don't waste your time on nonsense, just keep doing you, keep moving forward, keep focusing on you and your child because you're about to bring this beautiful child in the world. And yes, though, this world is kind of crazy and messed up, but it's up to you as a parent to try to make sure you teach your child about the ways of this world. And I know you can't shield your child from everything, especially as they get older, but you can be that parent to say, hey, this is not right, this is wrong, and don't go down the dark road and you know criticize a father in front of the in front of your child, because it sometimes doesn't always work out that way. It really doesn't. But it's what it is. So as you're ready to close this um the show out, as I want to say thank you to my listeners. Um if you're gonna stick around, there's another show coming up here shortly that I'm going to do. Um, I feel like I don't owe it to you guys that much since you know the last one didn't get posted, but hey, it's all good. So I am going to say thank you for listening to the show. I'm I'm the icon. The show is called Let's Talk About It. And until next time, my friends, you guys take care of yourself and each other. I'm gonna leave y'all with this track called Evolve. Artist is T Cleaf. T Clef. I don't know, whatever. It's what it is. In any event, y'all take care of yourself. We'll see y'all back here if you wanna come back in a couple hours for the next show.

SPEAKER_01 54:52

Please follow me on TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook. Thanks for spending time with me today. Always remember. I can't control life, but I can control how I react to it. Stay sharp, and I'll see you soon.