A 25-Year-Old Gets Pregnant After A Swingers Night

A Vegas weekend is supposed to end with selfies and hangovers, not a positive pregnancy test and zero answers. We got a letter from Kay, 25, living at home, who went on a girls trip, wandered into a club that turned out to be a swingers club, and now believes she’s pregnant by one of several partners from that night. She’s scared to tell her parents, embarrassed by the details, and stuck on the most painful part: she doesn’t know who the father is.

Then we get practical about the conversation with your parents: how to own your choices without drowning them in details, how to lead with a plan, and how to ask for support when you’re likely facing single parenting. We also look down the road at the questions a child will ask about their father and medical history, plus how therapy can help you stay grounded through anxiety, regret, and postpartum risk.

If you like real listener letters, honest advice, and tough situations handled with heart, hit play. Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs it, and leave a review telling us what you think Kay should do next.

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Transcript

Welcome And Quick Setup

SPEAKER_03 2:38

Just someone keep out right. Talk about it. It's the name of the check.

SPEAKER_01 4:41

Yes, yes, yes. How's everybody doing out there? We're gonna get this thing started in just a second here. Y'all doing all right? I'm good. I had a fantastic week. Just a busy work week as always. But it's all good. Hopefully everybody's doing good out there today. Your day's going smooth, your week, whatever in your life is going good. Because my life is going great. Living the dream, aren't we? Yes, we are. Any event, I want to welcome you all to the

Introducing Kay’s Urgent Letter

SPEAKER_01 5:44

show. I am the icon. The show is called Let's Talk About It. Where today's show, uh, kinda had to put a rush on this one, so I kind of bypassed the other ones because this person wanted me to read this letter quick pass in a hurry because apparently she's got some explaining to do. Yeah. So uh holy shit. Oh crap. So, without further ado, my peeps, we're gonna get into the show. This email is entitled What Did I Do? Gotta say when I read this letter, I was kind of like, what the hell? But let's not judge, let's see if we can offer some kind of advice to this young lady who's clearly had a fun time. But without further ado, let's get into it, shall we?

Vegas Trip And Swingers Club Twist

SPEAKER_01 6:53

Hi Khan, how are you? I'm good, thanks for asking you though. Nobody really asked me that, but no, I'm just not I'm just joking. I never thought I would find myself writing to you, but I've listened to your show quite often. And though I have to say, your show is definitely different from most others that I've encountered. But I've written to other shows before, but never nothing like what I'm about to tell you. So my name is Kimberly, or Kay for short. I'm not gonna tell you where I'm from because I honestly don't know if any of my friends or family listen to your show as well, but I just want to keep it basic if that's okay with you. It's fine, no judgment here. You know, it's what it is. So as I said, my name is Kay, I'm 25 years old. I still live at home with my parents, haven't quite left the nest yet, but I'm the middle child, though I have to say that there are five of us, and I think I'm a bit of a risk taker as far as some of my siblings and my parents would say. But never thought I would do what I did. I don't know whether to be embarrassed, so I would use this podcast to tell my parents what I did. Why do I always need to put in this middle of this shit? But hey, whatever, it's what it is. And hopefully they would be understanding and show me some compassion. So me and some of my friends decided to go out for a birthday, and we did what they call a Vegas girls trip. And I have to say it was a great trip because none of us have ever been to Vegas. And so it was me and seven of my friends who decided to have some fun and live it up a little. So we went to Vegas for the weekend and we had some fun. But upon us having so much fun, we stumbled into a club that I knew very little about, and that we thought looked like a regular club, like nothing we've ever seen before, because we are so much used to working, and most of us friends are in church as well as me. So we weren't really that much shelter, but there's still a lot of the world that we wanted to explore. Getting back to the club, we went to definitely was a club to remember, but I think that we've had a few too much to drink. But two of my friends didn't drink because they wanted to make sure we got back to the hotel okay. I'm not much of a drinker, had a few daiquiries, and this club was just more than what I thought it was. So we stumbled onto a swingers club, and though we didn't know what it was, I quickly found out and though had a great time as well. Okay, at least most

What A Swingers Club Is

SPEAKER_01 9:19

of us did. Icon, do you know what swingers do? Okay, let's take a minute to pause. I know what swingers do, but for you guys who don't know what a swingers club is, a swingers club is just basically people having sex with other like people, it's like group sex basically. I mean, it's a club, it's a room, they have like these conventions, and you just basically just go to just to have sex with just random people. Now, no man can walk in alone off the street and go to a swingers club, he has to be accompanied by a female, one or two, or whatever. But no male can ever walk into a swingers club, so but we'll get more back into the swingers thing here shortly. But clearly I didn't know this place existed, and it's also a place that I would never find myself in or at. But it's true, or so I thought it was true about what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas, right? Well I can't. I did partake in the swingers action, and though I used protection, I must have did four to five guys that night.

unknown 10:23

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 10:24

I know what you're thinking, but I understand it's a decision that I have to live with and I come to terms with. But truth be told, I only got two of the guys' number that I had sex with, and come to find out that I haven't been feeling like myself lately, and I thought I just got a cold or something, and it and that I've just been feeling really nauseous lately. I see y'all see where this is going, because I don't see where this is going. And I just thought it was just tired from the trip or jet lag, or at least, but icon, it's nothing like that. I just found out that I'm too much pregnant, and I honestly don't have a boyfriend, so my only conclusion is that I draw at one of the guys that that I could draw up is that one of the guys that I was swinging with. Oh my god, icon. I don't know how this happened. Everyone that I've had sex with us a condom I made sure because I was the one who put it on them. Well, okay, alright. I feel like I just totally screwed up because now I'm pregnant and my parents, well, I'm not sure how they will take take the new take the new, let alone take the news, let alone them knowing what I did in Vegas. But this is my own fault, I must own up to it. And it may and to make matters worse, I don't know bite me down, this is good, but a baby in my belly, and so I have two other guys' number that I had sex with. That was a long outro there. Okay. And I don't believe in abortions, so I would clearly be on my own raising a child. But the funny thing is, all I have to do is wait until the baby to see the to see what color it will be. LOL. Because I did get down with three other black dudes that were hung like horses. And I know that's TMI because that's really TMI, because I don't really feel like the need. Well, why you even say something like that, but whatever. So this is a problem that I must see through, and I need some advice on what I should do because clearly I'm not showing yet, but I have some explaining to do with my parents. And I know they'd be mad, pissed, or disappointed in me, but then again, maybe I'll just I'm just being too hard on myself. My parents are very understanding, well, my dad is. My mom is usually one that runs the house household and rules with an iron fist. So I'm probably much more afraid of her and what she will what she will say. I remember my sit when my oldest sister started having sex, you would have thought the world was ending. Because the day my mom, because of that day, my mom was living, and I thought my sister was going to die that day. But then again, I became an adult, and that happened when my sister was 17 years old. Icon, if you can give me some advice on how I can do this with my parents, because I feel that I will meet the same fate as my older sister, lol. The only people that are excited about me are all seven of my best friends, because that's because five of them already have kids and they had them young, like 19 and 21. So icon, please think positive about me. I know you don't know me personally, but has this ever happened to you? Uh hell no, this ain't never happened

Pregnant Despite Using Condoms

SPEAKER_01 13:42

to me. Um, first off, I only went to a swingers um party think once, but I didn't partake because I have this thing where I don't know, you're just having sex with random people, and just plus, I was married at the time. So, I mean me and my wife went, but we just went for I don't know, because I think one of her friends went, we just went to support her, whatever the hell that meant, because I didn't do anything, and my wife didn't do anything, so we just clearly just went just to either partake in the food, maybe, because they do serve a lot of food. Okay, so let me back it up a little bit. All swingers' parties or conventions are a little bit different, depending on which one you go to. They can I know the one we went we went to, they rented out a whole hotel. Um, not gonna tell you where it's at. This was in um in Alabama. They rent out a whole hotel, and like I said, you can walk in with a female, but there's no you can't be a single male and walk in and think you just gonna have sex with just a bunch of random chicks. Now, they don't really check for STDs, so that's kind of it's kind of a thing you have to use your better judgment. Either you want to be protected or you just want to go in there and just have free-for-all sex. That's just not me. So I didn't really too much care for the scene, though it was a good atmosphere to be in, and I know you guys say, Well, how can it be a good atmosphere if everybody's having sex? Well, because you're not it's not out in the open, you know. You go to a room and you hook up with these people and then you leave and you're off to the next one. So it's not like you're just automatically opening up the damn door and you just everybody's in there getting it on. Now, for Miss K, that probably wasn't the case because she was in a club when this happened, and we do have those kind of places here where I live, but I've never I've never visited it. It's it kind of sits off in the distance, and it's kind of like um it's just a building that I mean you would never know it's there unless you pull up on it, so it's like a building that looks like a regular building, you can't really see anything. I mean, of course, this place is like heavy protect heavily protected and guarded at night, and these swingers parties go on for like they start around maybe nine or ten, and they don't usually end until like three or four. Well, the one that I know of here didn't really end till like four. But the one I went to in Alabama, that damn thing went on for like it was like a weekend convention type thing. I didn't know that you can even have a convention or a swingers place, but I guess there is. So um, I think what Miss K is feeling is that she's feeling like she's going to be a disappointment to her parents. Here's the thing. You got pregnant at a

Telling Strict Parents The Truth

SPEAKER_01 16:50

swingers convention. How in the hell can you explain this to your parents? Because you don't really know who the guy is, and then you said you want to wait until you have the baby until the baby starts taking color. Well, when the baby comes out, he still ain't fully cooked yet, so it's gonna take it's gonna take a few months to get him, you know, fully cooked and developed. Damn it. But she is It's kind of a hard pill to swallow because you know you went into this thing, you had fun, and the fact that you had comments on you, well, you well, I can't really say you know it's gonna happen because you guys went to Vegas. You guys said you've never been to Vegas before, so uh you're in the church, so oh boy, I don't know what that's gonna say, but hey, listen, you're an adult, and you're an adult, you're 25 years old, so I don't think your parents are gonna be too mad at you. Maybe they might be mad at the way this child has been conceived because you clearly don't know who the father is, and if the sex was that good that oh man, damn, indeed, I gotta take a puff on this one. If the sex is that good that you didn't know if the condom broke or whatever, because I get it, I don't know what the situation that you are in in Vegas and you know, because you can say what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, but clearly you are going to have somebody that came out of Vegas. So I don't know how you're going to spend this to your parents. You said you only got two of the guys' number that you got piped down with her words, not mine. Um, so I guess the best thing you can do would just be to come out clean to your parents. I mean, eventually they're gonna notice that you're pregnant and that your eating habits are picked up. I mean, they're gonna you're just not gonna gain weight and they not notice that. I mean, if your mom is lord, if she rules the dire face like you say she was, well, I don't think nothing's gonna escape her. I don't think nothing's gonna get past her, like real talk. I don't think there's nothing you can put past her that she is going to not see or foresee. Um, but the crazy thing is that you sound like you're a daddy's girl. Now your dad might be I don't know because I don't really think it's too big of a deal, but then it is it is a big of a deal because how this child is going to be conceived, and like you said, you may have to end up raising this child by yourself because usually when you go to swingers parties, there's not really a whole lot of baby making, there's just a bunch of sexually active people. I mean, it don't matter what you do in there, you just get it on. So, you get it on, you have a bunch of sex, which is wow. I mean, don't get me wrong, I've had my share of fun back in the day, but never nothing like this. Um, and I only have kids by one woman that I know of. And I use that term that I know of because I think I don't know, maybe I do have another kid out there, but if I did, I don't really know. So there was this one incident that happened back in the day, but who knows? Let's just keep the focus on Miss K here, not me, okay? I'm not on trial here, and she ain't on trial neither, but just trying to give her some advice. So I think that what you guys did in Vegas, it's I'm pretty sure all seven of your friends are happy, and you said most of them have kids, but I don't know because you're gonna be raising this child by yourself. So the crazy thing is if you got their name or if you got their number, I sure hope some of the numbers work, and I hope that one of these guys decides to come forward, but then again, they don't really know because Lord in mercy, when you're in these type of situations, everybody's just looking to get laid, so it's not really a um, it's not really a social event, so to speak. It's not like I'm getting to know you, and we're gonna come back to my place, we're gonna do the do, and then wham bam, you're pregnant. Oh, I'm gonna be a dad. No, it ain't nothing like that, it's just a kind of a bad situation because the situation is that you're pregnant by somebody who you don't even know, so that's some shit for a one-night stand. Because a one-night stand, at least you would know who you got pregnant by, but in this case, you're not gonna know who knocked you up because it's not like they leave a guest list at the damn place, but that's the thing about these kind of parties, you know, it's kind of and oh man, I don't really know. The thing is about these parties that there's like it's not like you sign a contract or anything, it's not like you Say, well, you know, you're gonna go into this thing and you're going to you know have sex, but hey, if you get pregnant, it's on us. No, it's not on us, it's you're the adult, and it's your responsibility. Now, the only the good thing is that you owned up to it, but now you just gotta own up to it with your parents, and I think hopefully your parents be some somewhat forgiving, but as you start to show and you know start to have these cravings and these feelings, well you're gonna be alone in this. Is it sad? Kinda, because as you're having this kid, this child is eventually gonna want to know who his father is, and you're gonna have an answer of, I don't really know. Because then what are you gonna tell your child? What are you gonna tell your child that you was out? Oh man, you were out swinging one night and you got piped down by four to five different random guys, and one of them could be your father. My suggestion to you is that I would start with the first two guys you have numbers with and probably try to go from there because the situation is not gonna get any better than what it is. It's if anything, it's gonna be a lot, a whole hell of a lot worse. And the only reason why I say it's gonna be a whole hell of a lot worse because you're gonna be going through this by yourself, so to speak. I know you have your friends and they have kids, but it's just a delicate, weird situation, it's just bad. I mean, damn. I mean, I don't know how you're feeling right now, but but my feeling is that I've never encountered anything like this because, like I said, I went to a party, but it's just not my thing just to go in there and have sex with random people. And keep in mind, you could be in a room where there's a bunch of different people having sex, and then you guys just like swapping off. So I don't even know if that even happened to you, but clearly you got piped down by five different guys, so clearly you had a lot of love that night. Jesus, a lot of love. Holy crap. So I'm not here to make a joke about it, but it's just I mean, what do you do that you had to? I mean, but hey, you know what? It's not for me to say. I'm just gonna try to help you the best way I can. The best way I can tell you to do this was just to either sit down and talk to your parents. Um, there's no regrets in life, it's just lessons learned. And unfortunately, this lesson that you're about to learn is just gonna be a tough lesson because the lesson that you're about to get is that unless you left a number for these guys, then I don't see this happening. Because keep in mind, though people go to swingers' parties, some of them could be married or have girlfriends, or just those one of those two. Because though you could be a single guy that's walking in with a female, and you can go do your swinging thing or whatever, but let's be real honest. I mean, these parties are just for people just like to I don't know really because I'm I'm just making assumptions here, but I think it's just for people that just want to just get laid. I mean, it's no other way to say it, um, it's no other way to think it, but I just can't really get into it, you know, it's just different. So, this has never happened to me. I've never been in that kind of situation where I didn't know that the chick I was piping down if she was gonna be pregnant by me or not. Um, clearly, you've had a good time in Vegas. This is definitely gonna be a trip to remember because as your kid gets older, and I'm pretty sure they're gonna have stories, but my suggestion to you is that I don't know if you've seen these guys or even know what these guys even do, but it's just gonna be a tough sale because the sale is that you're pregnant, you don't know if who the father is, which is even which is kind of bad, and I hope that it could be one of the two guys that you got the number from, or you know, I'm just saying, because I don't honestly I don't know. I don't know, it's a delicate, delicate situation here, and though your parents are going to probably ring you on this, or my mostly your mother, I don't know how your siblings are gonna feel, excuse me. I don't know how your siblings are gonna feel about this, but um geez. You don't believe in abortion, that's good. So you're clearly gonna keep the baby, and you just don't know enough history to man, that's just gonna it's just gonna be a tough sale, basically. So the sale is that mom dad has something to tell you. Yes, I'm 25 years old, but this is what happened. Went to Vegas me and my girls, we had a few drinks, went to this club, and by the way, this club was popping, you know, the music was hidden, everything was jumping, but there was a separate part or a separate entity to the club that we decided to partake in. Well, maybe not all of us partook in it, but some of us did partake in it. So, this is what happened. I got it on with four to five guys, and during that course of getting on with four to five guys, I may have come up a little bit pregnant, just saying that's what I'm guessing. That's what you're gonna have to say. I mean, listen. Oh man. And I'm not sure what church has to do with this because church doesn't really have anything to do with what your activities outside the church are. Now you can live a sanctified, holy-filled life, but we all have needs, and you clearly don't have a boyfriend, that's probably a good thing, and not sure how your other friends how they partook in the situation. I mean, they're probably excited for you, but still, again, you're going to be alone raising this child. Get lost. So I am going to guess that though your friends seem happy because they all have kids, and you may be the one that just didn't have a kid, but you're about to have a kid now, and I don't even know how your friends are, you know, how their kids are, or if their child's fathers are in their lives or whatever, who knows? But you're about to have a tough one. This is gonna be tough on you because you clearly don't know enough about the background of the men that you suffer. Now that's the problem that I have with these kind of parties or whatever, because you don't really go to do go to have a social conversation, it's like a Tinder app, but the instead of being on Tinder, it's in real life, so you know how you can swipe left or right. Well, in this case, you probably didn't even swipe left or right. Oh, I'm not gonna make that joke, not gonna say that. You probably just yeah, let's just leave it at that. But you probably just went in there and y'all did the do, and then the crazy thing is that you went, or not one, not two, not three, not four, but five different guys. Man, girl, you must have had a lot of pent-up aggression. Jeez, holy crap, five guys in one night, huh? Huh, I don't know. Well, geez.

Testing, Safety, And Real Risks

SPEAKER_01 29:42

I would also encourage you to go get tested. Um I know you say you use condoms, but it's not like after the deal was over, y'all had pillow talk afterwards because I can't really see that going. I mean, I just what I've seen in a swingers party is that you know when you're banging the when you're having getting it on with the person you're getting it on with, it's just sex. You guys are getting it on, and then they're off to the next one. Now, clearly that's something with you have done because you just didn't get enough, and you just thought this was kind of like a free-for-all it's like an open buffet, you know, or open bar rather, not buffet, an open bar, and you had your pick of any pick of the litter, really. Man, so I think that it's going to be a little bit tough, it's gonna be a lot tough for you because of what has transpired here and the fact that you're trying to figure out a way to tell your parents, I just gave you a way. I don't know whether you're gonna use it or not, or how this is gonna affect them, but I don't know if you'll be going back to Vegas anytime soon. Um, because again, these parties that they have, well, you gotta keep in mind some of these people live for this shit. They live for going to swinger parties and like, oh yeah, there's another swingers party. Okay, yeah. So they can even not even be from the same state or the same city that you met these guys in. So, I mean, they could be Vegas is like a whole I mean didn't anybody tell you that Vegas is basically Sin City? I mean, that's true, it's definitely Sin City. So I haven't had the pleasure of being I haven't had the pleasure of going to Vegas. Part I don't like gambling, and I don't like large crowds of people, so I don't think I could ever be involved in something like this. Um, so you're gonna regret it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon and probably for the rest of your life, because not knowing is going to what's probably gonna eat away at you at the most. And I don't know what if I should feel sorry for you or just basically feel sorry for you because it's something that man, I can't really say that shouldn't happen, but it did happen. But and you don't believe in abortion, so you don't really know the history or the dynamics of the child's father, which again is ultimately gonna play a huge, huge part when this kid gets older. Now, you're 25 years old, still have your whole life ahead of you. Um, let's just hope that your parents are gonna be a lot forgiving and understanding on what has transpired here because you have other siblings. Um, you didn't say if they had kids or not, but I'm I'm gonna assume that some maybe or may not have kids. So I just don't know. Um it's just an all-bad situation for you, Miss K. And I only say that because of the situation that you have probably put yourself in. Now, you had a few Dacries. I don't think Dacri is enough to get anybody tipsy or whatever, but you had a good time, and ultimately the good time is just gonna result in the the life of a child that you're gonna have to have. Man. So holy crap. I just really hope you find some kind of some kind of solace or some kind of I don't know. Definitely have to make peace with this one because I feel that I don't think it well, I can kind of say it's irresponsible, but then again, it's it probably wasn't or wasn't not. I don't know, I just don't know. But you clearly say you don't have a boyfriend, so I guess you ain't gotta worry about you know telling him because damn. So take it as a lesson learned and move on. And you're gonna have to take that lesson, you're gonna take that that hard lesson, and to say, well, you dealt you're gonna deal with it, it's going to be it's you're gonna have a child in nine months. So, well, I wish you the best, but it sounds like you got a lot of decisions to make and a lot of things to do in order to try to find out who this child's father is going to be, or even if he wants to have any kind of relationship with you, and nine times out of ten, you may or may not be able to find this guy. I don't know how you're gonna find this person because this person clearly was only there for the same reason that you were there. Now, even if you do find this guy, and which I hope it's one of the two guys that you got the number from, what's this gonna look like to him? How do you know who this person? You know, what do you know about this person? Is this person gonna be gonna be there for your child? Or is this person married? Is this person single? Does he have a girlfriend? Does he even have kids? You know, these are gonna be the tough questions, and over the course of a time that you're gonna be thinking about this because as time goes on, your belly's gonna get bigger, your stomach's gonna get bigger, and you're gonna probably have a bunch of a bunch of regrets going on in your mind. Now, I know I was fitting out some of these quotes for you, but I hope the regret that you well should I can't really say I don't hope that you don't have a regret on having a child because you said you don't believe in abortion. That's good. But the the sad thing is you don't know anything about this man, you don't know anything about the man that you encountered, only that you have two numbers. Two numbers, two numbers. I'm not even sure how the hell that even works. So, while I hope that it's going to be one of the two numbers that you got, but it's just going to be a tough pill to swallow. It really is. Um yeah, it's just gonna be a tough, tough thing to sell. So, while I would encourage you to try to figure out what you can, but then again, you there you have no starting point, there's no place to start because this was one weekend in Vegas, and like they say, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, but this is just gonna be something that's gonna stick with you until this child turns 18 years old. So I hope that you're gonna have a definitive conversation as your child gets older, try to figure out who or this child's father is or how this is even gonna play out with you. I mean, these are things you ain't gotta think about now, but you know what's gonna come. So I don't know how your love life is or how you're gonna do this or how you're gonna spend this, but and I'm not gonna tell you anything wrong to go out there and try to find you somebody who's gonna be willing to accept you and your child. Because again, when you do get with someone, they're gonna want to know, or maybe they will, or maybe you just blatantly tell them, well, this is what happened. You know, I went to Vegas, me and my girls had a girls' trip, and you know, I've banged five guys, and one of them, one of the one of one of the prisoners got out, you know, got out and decided to uh create life, so to speak. So I'm trying to keep this positive and trying to keep this 100 with you, but it's gonna be a pretty tough sell.

The Child’s Questions Later On

SPEAKER_01 37:39

I'm more focused and worried about how you're gonna perceive this because after you have this child, there's gonna be a lot of postpartum depression, and this is your first child. So this is probably not the way your parents would have wanted you to conceive a child. I mean, if you say your mom is as tough as she says she that you say she is, she's not only probably gonna throw a lid or flip a lid, she's probably gonna level the whole damn house that you're in with you in it. I can only see how that conversation is gonna go. What the hell are you thinking about? How could you do this? Do you not have any shame? Well, and do you know who the father is? That's gonna be the tough thing for you to say because you don't really know who the father is, you don't know enough about this guy, you just know you hooked up with five random guys who you have no interest in trying to be with or trying to see, and that's the bad thing about these little swinger parties, and you're young, so you probably walked in there, you and your girlfriend, y'all's probably the hottest and youngest thing in there, like real tall. But if this happened to me, and but I'm a male, so I don't know, but I don't I don't know because I'm going to say that back in the day I dated a girl and she had a baby, but I didn't know if the baby was mine. But I seen the Facebook pictures. Some people say he could be my son, but when I asked her about this a while back, this is when my wife was living, and she just said let it be. Now I thought that was kind of wrong because if I did have a son, then I would want to know, you know. But she decided to let it be, wouldn't let me see, or even ask, or even take a blood test. Um, because I I honestly don't know why. She just said she didn't want it and that he already had somebody in his life, not somebody to call dead,

My Own Paternity Uncertainty Story

SPEAKER_01 39:50

but just probably somebody that was a father figure, sort of speak. And that kind of really hurt me because I really wanted to know. To this day, I still want to know if I do have another son out there. And the crazy thing is, because all my kids are named with D, starting with the letter D, so does this kid. His name starts with a D. So coincidental? No, I don't think so. And I think his name was uh Damien. Um and though over the years I've tried to find Mr. Damien, but you know, the internet and the world is a very big place. So I figured that when the time comes, if she wants to tell him who I am, then maybe he'll decide to look me up online. I don't know. Maybe he's listening to this podcast right now, you know, who knows? I don't know unless his damn phone starts ringing, then we really gonna have a problem. Real talk. No, just joking. So that's as close that's as close as a That's as close as a not really a scare, but something I wanted to know because and this is why man this is why I only know that I have six kids by my late wife, but I don't really know. Part of me kind of felt like this kid was mine, but then again, I don't know. I mean he's got the dimples like me, I mean he looks handsome like me and my other boys, but you know, I don't know. And I'm not even sure how old he is right now because my oldest son, which I think is 24 years old, so he's gotta be a little bit older than my oldest son. So, but son, if you're out there, I make this plea to you, call daddy. No, just joking. I just joking, but no, no, for real. If that's the case and what it is, it is what it is. But I think for me, because you want to know if this has ever happened to me, it doesn't really happen like that to me. You know, I've been to a swingers party before, and I just didn't really feel the need to partake in the activity because it's just not me. You know, I just can't see myself banging some female and then getting up, going to eat something, then going back to bang a different female. Now, I know that in this world or before this world was even for born, that this kind of shit happened before. Back in the um, I don't want to say the biblical days, but I want to say this happened when this is this shit's been going on for for millennia. It's been going on for a long ass time. So, and though people think that um doing that is kind of uh kind of good, but I don't know. So Miss K, I honestly hope and hope that you can find some kind of peace in this. Because as I keep saying, you're going to have one hell of a tough road in front of you. Because this road ain't gonna be easy, because one, you don't have a partner, you may have your girlfriends, you may have your parents, but that's probably not gonna be enough for you and this child. And whoever you decide to get with, whether you choose to tell them the story or not, is probably gonna raise a few eyebrows. They're probably gonna be like, well, and then the other crazy thing is oh man, I'm just trying to think. The other crazy thing is that what if you actually get with a guy if you get with the guy and the guy turns out to be your child's father, man, wouldn't that be weird? That'd be some freaky shit, wouldn't it? Man, that'd be kind of crazy. But I don't know, that's just that's just kind of those things you just kinda kinda have to think about like, oh my god. But then again, y'all don't really know each other. So I don't know. Um like no one else.

unknown 44:07

Don't get up and leave me hanging. Let's just leave the days.

SPEAKER_01 44:11

It's just gonna be a hard it's just gonna be something hard for you to do. And I know that in your mind, you may be happy and you may be feeling sad at the same time. Happy because you probably have the best experience of a lifetime in Vegas, but sad because after you left Vegas, you are two months pregnant with a child and an unknown father. As if we need more of this in the world, but hey, it is what it is. So I don't really think you need me to speak for you in reference to your parents. I think you have this all under control. I think that what you're going to do is you're gonna listen to what I'm saying and you're gonna make your own determined decisions on how you can do this. Now, you said you stay at home with your parents. I don't honestly gonna kick you out because let's face it, you are sure. Let's just say honestly that we never say. So just take what I'm saying, make your own informed decision. If you want your parents to hear what I'm trying to say to you, because I in no shape, form, or fashion kind of condone the activity of what you just did, but you're a grown woman. It's not like you are 17 or 18 or making a decision, you're 25 years old. So at that age, you already know what you want or what you're doing. Whether you're not, I don't think you did this on purpose, I just think it's kind of happened. And though that it happened, you're this is just kind of something that you have to deal with. So when you're gonna be dealing with something like this, it's just really gonna take a toll on you. And you may need some kind of therapy, maybe, I don't know. I don't really know your mental state, but you're gonna need someone to talk to other than your friends and your family.

Therapy, Support, And Moving Forward

SPEAKER_01 46:37

I would challenge you and encourage you to get in some kind of therapy, maybe try to put things in perspective for you because it's just gonna be tough for you along the way. And though you don't know have any history on these on this child's father, it's just gonna be tough. Now, on the off chance, do I think you can get through it? Yeah, I do, but you're gonna have a lot of tough days ahead of you, and I hope most of your days are good instead of bad because we all have bad days. But I don't think you need to beat yourself up, I don't think you need to come down hard on yourself, just deal with it. I was about to say, let's just deal with it, but I'm not even I don't even know you, so just deal with it and kind of you know put things in perspective for you and this new child you're gonna have. So let it slide, huh? Yeah, that's funny. So I don't think you really need my help. I think I'm just here somebody just not really to provide an outlet for you, but I'm just gonna give you the best possible advice I can already give you. And that's just sit down and talk to them. Sure, it's not gonna go the way that you think it's gonna go, but it's just going to be it's just gonna be tough because I know that we as parents when we when our kids tell us that they're pregnant, we want to meet the other person. We want them to say, well, okay, how do you feel about this? What are you gonna do? We want to know what this person's background is, and that's just all that I'm sure that your parents want for you. Now, I don't think it's necessarily not too bad because I'm just hoping and hoping that the two guys know that you got it's gotta be one of them. I'm hoping. But if not on the off-chain that it isn't, well, you got some decisions to make. And decisions, what I mean by decisions of you trying to figure out how you're going to tell your child as your child gets older. Your trust, you're gonna have a lot of time to figure this out, and who knows, maybe somewhere in between, that as your child is getting older, that maybe you can get some kind of information, something I don't know. Because here's the thing, here's the other thing. Um, I'm not sure how these swinger parties work, but it's not like you do a full background on the people that they let into these things. So you either have to look like somebody or look like something, but you can't go in there and like you can't be an ex-con, you know, walking in with some girls on your shoulder, but then again, you never know, they never don't know. So it's not like you do a whole background check or a DNA sample of who this person is, it's just that's the way it is. So don't do too much thinking, or don't go too far left or too far down the rabbit hole to where you want to start thinking, what have you done? You do you know what you did, you've done it. The only thing that you gotta do now, because you don't believe in abortion, is take care of yourself and your new, your soon-to-be new child. Um, pray to God you're not having twins or triplets, um, because that would be an even more bigger disaster. Because clearly somebody's got some strong ass genes, or clearly the pipe was that good. Ooh Lord. Oh my goodness. Alright, so Miss K, I hope this podcast finds you well. Because I think that I hope that you're gonna be okay. If you're staying at home with your parents, you sound like you have a good support system. And if your mom is still rolling with an iron fist, well clearly she's doing something right because you ain't left the nest yet, and you're gonna need all the support you can get from your parents, your siblings, maybe even your friends. Um, because this is clearly something that, wow, um, is going to have a huge impact on your life. And the impact is going to be that you're gonna have a baby in nine freaking months. Holy crap! Oh my goodness. So I would definitely keep um I would definitely keep doing what I'm doing, but you know, because I know everybody's gonna go, oh my god, who's the father? Wanna meet him? Yada yada yada woo-de-boo, but and again, it's gonna be only the seven of you who know what happened, and other people are gonna be like, that's the thing, are you gonna have to fabricate a whole story about a guy that you man, that's gonna be a tough sale. It sounds like this should be a lifetime movie called What Did I Do? Starring. So it's just it's just different. So, you know, when we have kids, we want to know that it's gonna be a family unit, you know, a parent, a mother, and a father at home raising this child. In this case, you're not gonna have that. And though I kind of felt a little, I still feel a little bit sorry for you because you're not gonna have that, but then again, you're gonna have a good support system. So I hope you give me a follow-up letter on how this transpires with your parents, because I think that I want to know, number one, two, my listeners sure probably will want to know, and three, just because probably somebody's going through this, somebody else is going through this right now. So, while I appreciate the letter and I appreciate you writing to me, but I hope I can help you in a way that puts some things in perspective for you. Because as I said before, and I can keep saying again, it's just gonna be a tough road for you, it's just gonna be a tough road, a tough sale, and everything which I'm hoping is gonna fall into place for you should fall into place for you. The only thing that you're gonna be missing is a child's father. Now, you sound like you come from a family that's full of love, and maybe your dad will understand more than what your mom will. Let's just say if you have something that's a favorite for hers, I would probably go buy that and probably try to smooth it over just by giving her this. Hey mom, yeah, so I got this for you, and by the way, I'm pregnant. But let's go ahead and open up that gift right now. Yeah, let's go ahead. Yeah, let's see what I got you. Yeah, yeah. I mean, Mother's Day's already passed, so that's I wonder when her birthday is. But you know, it is what it is. So as I get ready to close the show out, I just want to say, holy crap. So a risk is always bigger than a regret. In your way, you kind of risk it all, but you can't look back on it now. So, as you move forward with your life, I hope that everything is going to fall into place for you. I hope that this will not be as bad as I'm thinking it's going to be. I hope that they're going to be understanding. I hope that you, when you have this child, that you're going to be okay. I hope that when you have this child, even before or after, if you need therapy, seek the therapy. Because you're not going to probably have any help in reference to a father figure, unless you are seeing somebody, well, not now, but maybe down the road who may want to take on this responsibility of you having a child. Let's be real honest. Now, to for me, for somebody like me, I would date you. I would date you, I would welcome your child into the fold in my family and say, Hey, this is your siblings, or we're gonna make this family thing work. But not everybody can be like that, not everybody has that same mentality. Some people are just like, you know, you got a kid, you know, where's the child's father at? I don't wanna be, you know, stuck selling this kid, and then your baby father shows up and all this other bullshit. So it's it's it's it's definitely a huge risk. You definitely gambled and probably came up on, you know, something, but you know, it's it's what it is. It's what it is. So it's just something that you're gonna have to deal with. So no regrets, just lessons, no worries, just accept acceptance, no expectations, just gratitude, because life is too short. So never regret anything that is happening in your life, it cannot be undone or changed or forgotten. So again, I say take it as a lesson and move on. That's the second time I said that. So, hopefully it sinks in with you. Alright, people.

Final Advice And Send Letters

SPEAKER_01 56:12

As we get ready to close it out, I do want to say thank you. Thank you for the letters, thank you for the love, thank you for the downloads, and please feel free to keep chiming in, sending me your letters, or you got anything on your mind you want to talk about? D6mpire357 at gmail.com. So, as you get ready to close it out, I'm gonna leave you with this last track. It's called Transit by Tyra Chantney. I don't know who that is, it's just somebody that's yeah. So, until the next time we meet, Miss K, or not meet, but until you know whatever happens, happens. So, Miss K, hope this podcast finds you in good form and I hope it's finds you in a better way. But I'm gonna be pulling for you. So, if you can give me a follow-up letter, I appreciate it. If not, hey, it's what it is. So, until next time, my friends, take care of yourself and each other.

SPEAKER_04 57:28

What if we run out of time as we can chance it?

unknown 57:32

MD and dead, we should let me better go.