What Does Your Past Really Cost You

A listener named Becky writes us with a question most people only think about in private: if you knew my past, would you still date me? She’s 32, she’s been in adult films since she was 18, and she’s tired of the porn industry drama, the way people see her in public, and the feeling that her life has been reduced to sex and money. She’s safe, she’s never had an STD, and she’s trying to figure out who she is without the labels. 

We get into what “starting over” really takes when your digital footprint follows you everywhere. We talk about the chaos of a livestream hookup gone wrong, why privacy and personal safety have to come first, and how the internet changes dating for anyone leaving adult entertainment. We also wrestle with the hardest part: when do you tell someone about your past, what do you say, and how do you read the reaction without shrinking yourself? 

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Transcript

Welcome Back And Life Update

SPEAKER_03 4:17

Yes, yes, yes. How y'all doing out there? Y'all doing all right? All right. Hopefully y'all doing all good out there. Hope everybody's doing all right. Everybody's had a great week. Sorry, I've been on a little bit of a hiatus because that my daughter graduated. Yay! That's one down and two to go, or shall I say four to go. But hey, it's all good. I want to welcome y'all to the show. I am the icon. The show is called Let's Talk About It. And I hope you guys are having a really good week. Uh in spite of this world going to shit. Um, I hope everybody's having a good day and a good week. So I'm back. Uh as I said, my daughter just graduated high school. Yay, kudos for her for doing that. And I've been in the inboxes and seen all the letters, and we're just gonna try to get back into the flow of things. Uh the shows didn't take, although they were pre-taked and they were supposed to be posted, but they didn't take. So, hey, whatever. Is what it is. Any event, we got one here from a young lady who is struggling with life, struggling with some problems that she's having. And sorry for my cat that's making all this damn noise. But hey, we just want to try to work through the best way we can. So in any event, in any event, we're gonna get into the show and uh we're gonna keep it moving. So, without further ado, let's start the show.

Becky Shares Her Adult Industry Past

SPEAKER_03 6:46

Oh Roddy. Mr. Icon, hello and a good day to you. My name is Becky. I'm just at a loss for words, and I need some guidance. First of all, I'm not married, I've come close, but for some reason I'm not looking for that right now. I struggle with sex a lot, and it's like a constant need or want for it. And before you judge me, I'm always protected. No judgment here, by the way. No, I don't have any kids. I have been in a few adult films, and though I started this when I was 18, it's kind of gotten out a little bit out of control. The adult film industry has not been kind to women like me, and I'm now struggling to find my own identity. I want something or someone better. I'm 32 years old. I feel like my life is spent on the better part of my back, just having sex and trying to make money. I worked in my it worked in my 20s, but as I got older, the newer generation does a lot more than I originally wanted to do. I mean, sure icon, I have watched I know I'm sure you've watched your share of porn. As you can see, there's a lot of it out there, and it just flooded the market. Yeah, I haven't watched my share of porn. So it's hard for me to make money, but I did try to go independent and only to sleep with some guys that I thought was single. So there was this one guy, Chip. Chip. Oh, that's funny. Hold on, Chip. That kind of put the nail in the cobbler

The Chip Livestream Turns Dangerous

SPEAKER_03 8:28

for me. I was live streaming on this app that shall remain names because they already have enough advertisements. So yeah, we'll just leave it at that. But, anyways, I was live streaming and the guy Chip that I was doing live with on air, well, his girlfriend comes right to my spot and immediately started blowing up the spot. I mean, I don't know if this was planned, but I quickly shut it down, shut down the stream, and though and though she thought I was the one to fuck with, I clearly wasn't having that shit. Okay. So I reached for the heat and the shit got quiet really quickly. As it turns out, she tracked his phone, his iPhone, because she suspected him of cheating. And though she decided to pull up quickly and apologize and asked me if she could borrow the heat to teach her dude a lesson, I was like, this shit can't be happening right now. You damn sure right it can't, because that's kinda odd. I told them both to get the hell out, and I told Chip that if I ever see him again, I got some heat for that ass. This is crazy, isn't it? His girl Amisha, which is weird because she's white, and I've never heard a white girl with that kind of name, reached out to me, reached out to me, and we chatted up. I explained to her that Yo Dude told me that he was single and approached me at the Walmart, so I indulged him. I told her that I have a problem, and she then said that she felt sorry for me. It was at that point that I realized that I clearly wanted to change my life, and as she was the one that got me understand, I just don't have to keep doing this. So we kept chatting it up, we even had sex, uh damn, a few times, but decided it wasn't for me. I love the pipe too much. Okay. But Icon, I ran into my fair share of trouble, either on the set or just in public. I'm not a well-known adult film actress, but apparently there's a whole nother world that I'm popping in that I wasn't even aware of. And it seems that I'm a big star, but that doesn't concern me. What I want is to be love. What I want is to be happy. I can't keep doing this if I'm engulfed in this form in this world of porn. There has to be something better than this, so I'm honestly sick and tired of the drama. So I've made a lot of money doing this, but you know, money can't buy you love, and a damn sure can't buy you happiness, isn't that the truth? Before you ask, the guy that wanted to marry that wanted me to marry him, well, he settled down and found his queen. So I wish I can go back and turn back the hands of time, I simply can't. I kinda've also tried stripping to find find potential suitors, but that didn't even last a day. Stripping is worse than porn because of all the crazy no money having fake ass dudes trying to walk in like they clearly doing something, but they be doing the most. But half of them trying to flex, but they ain't got shit to flex with. Icon, I know I'm damaged good, so damaged that if I was on sale 50% off, I'm sure I would still probably get another 50% off. That's how damaged I am. I sent you a pic of me. Feel free to describe your describe to your listeners, but don't share. But I want to I wanted to ask if you would date me knowing that knowing what you know about me. And icon, I've never had or contracted an STD. When I say that I'm safe, I'm very safe. Signed Becky, but not with a good hair. That's that's some crazy shit, isn't it? It's it's it's different.

Would I Date Someone Like Becky

SPEAKER_03 12:10

It's different. Um Becky, first off. I do got to agree with you on one thing. Amisha is not a common white girl name. I've never heard a white girl called Amisha. Clearly, there's some bloodlines in that family that clearly decide that she should have that name, but hey, a name's a name. We're not here to talk about the name. Um Amisha is struggling with sex. She is, I think, for the lack of better of a term, she's a sex addict. I mean, the good thing is that you're safe. I mean, you can't really knock that. I mean, you don't have any kids, you ain't contract no STDs, you're 32 years old, you've done some Um Adult films. It's not a it's not a very good flex, but it's not a bad flex. I mean, it's it's what it is. Listen, you know, we live our lives the way we choose to see fit to live our lives, and I think that you're just getting tired of um I don't know if there's a term for this, but I think you're just tired of just doing this. I mean, I don't know how the film industry works. I only know by what I see or what I've been told or what listeners have written in to me about about it. Um I've never been to a strip club. Um, I don't like strip clubs. Strip clubs are not not they're not for me. I can't just see throwing my money at the stage at a woman who's gonna get half-necked who I'm not even gonna take to dinner afterwards. So I can't see it. I just don't see it. But you are right about one thing. Um in your 20s, you know, when you enter the enter into the adult film industry, there's a lot of shit that you have to put up with. Um, and for the young young ones up and coming, if that's what you want to do, hey, knock yourself out. I, for the life of me, yes, I do watch my share of porn. It's not a big deal. We all adults here, we all watch porn, so it is what it is. But in any event, I um um the market does change on a daily basis because you have young younger women coming in and doing the shit that is never even heard of, you know, it's just different. So while I pride yourself, while you pride yourself on remaining safe and you don't have any kids, that's something to look look good about. And yeah, she did send me a picture of herself. She's very beautiful. The crazy thing is she's a blonde, and I love blondes. She's blonde, blonde hair, blue eyes, look like she's about maybe one maybe about 120, 125, but she's very beautiful to be 32 years old. Um, she still looks a lot younger, so clearly she's doing something right in maintaining her appearance in her body. So would I date you? Yeah, I would. Knowing what I know about you, I would still give you the opportunity and give you the chance because I don't judge a book by its cover. I mean, there's really no need to judge a book by its cover. Listen, we've all have a dark past, we all have skeletons in the closet, we all have secrets, and we all have things that we're not too proud of. But I would not for a second hesitate on not dating you because I think you're a very beautiful young woman. Now, if I were to date you, we would have to move, um, depending on where your adult film star career was at, we'd probably have to move to a whole other state, but that's neither here nor there. In any event, I think that Becky, uh, and then for you try to do it independently. Um, I mean, again, it's not a good flex, but it's not a bad flex. But I think you're just tired of doing this because I don't know. I mean, I don't know how much the female body can take when it comes to porn. Um, I did watch, or I wasn't for one of a woman that did like a hundred, I don't know if she did a hundred or two guy two hundred guys, and um, for some kind of Guinness Royal Book of Record, which I thought was kind of sick, but whatever. Uh Jesus. Anyways, you're 32 years old, you're still a very, very, very beautiful young woman. I would continue to go with that, and I would continue to if you want to find love, Becky, you can find it. I mean, there's no time limit on it. I mean, I'm not sure if you plan on having kids or not, but like I said, she's very beautiful. I wish I guys could I wish I could show you the picture, but I can't. And blondes are truly my thing. Oh my god, I love blondes. Oh, goodness gracious. I'm thinking about getting off here and calling her right now. No, I'll just do it. But let's just say that if you want to find love, you can find it. Now, I know that you may have some regrets from the guy that you didn't um that you didn't marry. I'm not sure how that didn't work out or it didn't work out, but I think where you should start is maybe trying to find an outlet for your sexual desires. I'm not sure if it's something that you have to have, but I get it. Sex is enjoyable. I mean, I don't have as much sex as I want because of my late wife, and I only get to go to the Philippines once a year, but you know, whatever. It is what it is. Hey, hey, don't judge me. But hey, it is what it is. I mean, I was a uh happily married man who enjoyed having sex with his wife, and I know that my listeners are listening and saying, well, yes, sex is it's the bee's knees. And it kind of is, kinda is, and I'm trying to use this as long as I can. Because as you get older, that kind of fizzles out and it kind of phases out. Then we gotta talk about pills, and we gotta talk about surgeries and all kind of other shit that I'm ready to talk about yet. Listen, I'm 48 years old, I'm still young at heart, I can still get down and throw the pipe down if needed be. Y'all didn't hear me say that, but that's what I'm just saying. That's what I'm saying. So, but um I am just I wasn't for I mean I don't really think you're damaged goods. I just think that you're just looking for something. I know you're looking for love, or you could be looking for love. Um my thing is I'm trying to figure out how you got these guys, but it's none of my business how you got these guys. If you say you're done with it and you're fed up with it, try something different, try a different approach. Um, and I know that in this age of dating, it's a lot different than what we did back in the day. Because back in the day, you wouldn't even dream about sleeping with a girl unless it was like the third or fourth date. Now, um the shit just happens when it happens. Like you can meet a person, and within five minutes of meeting that person, you're in the bed doing a deal. I mean, that's that's quickly moving, but I can't say I've ever done that before. But everybody is different, you know. Everybody's not cut from the same, everybody's not made the same. I still believe that if you're dating someone, I would say by maybe the fourth or fifth date, then you can decide to sleep with them. That's just me. That doesn't have to be everybody else, that's just me. Now, and a lot of would a lot of women would take so much heat for being easy on the first date. Or like, oh she's easy, man. You can go in here that within then seconds of meeting her. Now, not so much because now, as we see, there's apps for shit like this. Um there's apps that you can sleep with somebody or find somebody to do somebody, it's it's what it is. So I think that if you want to try to do something different, you can try to do something different. As I said before, I'm not sure if you plan on having kids, or that's not in your future, whatnot. Maybe you do, maybe you don't, but you're 32 years old, so I mean your biological clock is ticking, but that's totally up to you, Miss Becky. So while I don't see a issue with you or take up any issue as far as who you are as a person or a woman and what you've done in your past, I think any man would probably be lucky to have you. Because to me, you're still pure. Um, and what I mean by pure, I mean she's blatantly honest. I mean, but here's the thing whether you choose to divulge any of this conversation

Moving Away And Managing Online Exposure

SPEAKER_03 21:30

as the man that you would meet, I would probably maybe not. The crazy thing is that there is a darker world in porn, and that some porn stars are recognized in porn, and I'm not sure where you stay, or did you know I'm not sure where you stay or where you live, but I would probably think about moving to another city or state if you have the money or the means to do that. So that would be my suggestion to you because. You're not gonna find it where you've been at this whole time because where you've been at this whole time, like you said, you get recognized in public and you catch some drama. Well, you're probably only catching drama because of the men and their wives that probably see you and like, oh, I think we know her. I mean, well, you know her, and that necessarily mean they really know you, they just know of you because of the adult film industry. I mean, that's not bad. I mean, there's a few porn stars I wanted to meet that I thought I would have met, but I didn't meet them. So, I mean, that's me being younger. As I gotten older, I mean, I kind of watched porn hours just kind of enjoyment, or to pass the time, or to just see what new position I can do. I mean, after shit, I can't even do uh what these people are doing these days any damn way. You know, you got the guy that's hanging upside down, and then you got the girl on top of the guy. I mean, it's this this is crazy shit. It's it's it's ridiculous. You know, who who has sex like that? I mean, I can't even have sex like that. Jeez, come on now. But I would definitely try to move to another city, um, maybe one that I mean you gotta really go somewhere where nobody really knows your name. So, and if you choose to put that out there that you have been doing like adult films, then that's between you and him. I mean, me personally, I wouldn't tell them that. Well, I don't know. I don't know, because if if I was an adult film star, but I want to know how they would come in contact with me. Well, I don't know. Because in this day and age, the internet is a very, very nasty place because you can find out anything on anybody at any given time. I mean, like, whoa, holy crap. But I think at some point in our life that we all get sick and tired of doing something that we that's just not gonna get us anywhere. Now, the girl said she felt she felt sorry for you. And I've noticed I know they probably struck a nerve with you because the fact that she walked in or tried to come in your crib and her dude was there, and you guys were about to get on the live stream. That's just wow. Holy crap, I'm not even sure how you start it. And the crazy thing is, is like this guy wasn't even gonna get recognized. I mean, well, I don't know. Hmm. Kind of makes you wonder how these how these conversations unfold. Hey, you know, my name is my name is so-and-so. You want to come back, subscribe with me, and do a live stream? We're gonna have sex. Yeah, let's do that. Really? I don't know. I don't know, it's weird. It's weird. I can't do that per se because it's not that I have a reputation of old, but let's just be honest. I I got somewhat of a reputation. Not only that I have kids, you know, kids are so damn nosy these days that they can find anything online. I don't want these kids' friends or parents coming to me talking about, yeah, we've seen you, yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah, we know it was you.

SPEAKER_02 25:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 25:15

I mean, that's just I don't know. So I guess, like I said, I think Becky, I think everything about you is good because the way that you're flexing your lifestyle is like it's in a good it's in a good form. You know, you didn't have sex with or unprotected sex with multiple men, you've always used condoms. I mean, and I I do know that if you're on a set of a porn of a porn uh porn shoe that they say they rarely test these people, but I don't know, maybe they do, maybe they don't. I don't really know. I only know about the dark side of it or what I've seen or read online, so it's what it is. But I think that and you carry heat with you, so that's also something to be desired. Maybe you could find somebody that's in the guns, I don't know. But whoever you find, uh, make sure they're there for you. Like, and when I say they're there for you, make sure that they don't know too much about you. Now, it's gonna be your decision on how you choose to proceed with these men, because either some men can take it, some men will be like, no, that's disgusting, and some men are just like somewhat in between. Because me personally, it wouldn't be bad for me. I mean, as long as I know that you were very careful and that you're protective of your body, because let me tell you, I wish I could show y'all this picture, but I can't. But she's very beautiful, young lady. So when I say that she's very beautiful, trust and believe. If I showed y'all this picture, y'all be trying to tell me, hey man, can you get at her and tell her to get at me? You know, hook her brother up. But I don't do that, so because I can do that, so in any event, oh, it's all good. But but like I was saying, she's a very beautiful young lady. Now, like I said, given her status, and if I knew her and I knew of what she was doing, I don't think that would change my ways of perception about her. Because there are some women that start out in this business, but they don't really get to finish in this business, they go on to do different things because as she said, and as I keep saying, the adult industry is a not is a very not so kind place because what you won't do, somebody younger and hotter will do, and that's the sad reality of it, but that's what it is. I mean, come on, we've all seen porn, we've all seen and been there and said this and said that, but hey, it's it's what it is, so I think that Miss Becky, if that's what you want to do or what you're trying to do, why shouldn't you be happy? Just because you live this um this kind of lifestyle doesn't make you any less of a person than who you say or you claim to be. I don't think you're damaged goods. I think for the right person, I don't want to say I'm gonna put a price on your head because that sounds like prostitution, but I'm not trying to do that. I'm just saying you're worth more than 50% off. So, if anything, they should be paying you full price. I'm not saying that as a you know prostitution thing because I'm not engaging in prostitution, I'm not saying that. I'm just saying that you know, don't sell yourself short. Always hold yourself in a high standard or a high regard. And I just can't start looking at this picture. I really want to show y'all what I can because it's because she didn't want me to, but hold yourself in a high standard, you know, don't ever let anybody tell you that you're less than when you know that you're more than who you are or what you say you are. So, and for the women that if you are struggling with this kind of situation, like Becky, I mean it's up to you if you want to change your lifestyle. Your lifestyle doesn't have to be defined on who you are, because we all know that we can change, you know. I'm not saying that Becky is a bad person for doing this, I'm saying that she's actually a really good person because I again um though I've gotten letters over time about people saying about their sexual interest or whatever, but you know, let's be real clear about this. She's an adult film star, and though she's giving me the links, but I'm not gonna give you guys the links because I know you guys are gonna try to look her up and be like, Yeah, well I heard about you on the podcast thing, you know, just wonder you know, you kind of look for somebody, you know. I'm here for you, I'm here for you. Because it's not the one that's not the kind of attention that she wants, the kind of attention that she wants, she just wants to be with somebody that's genuine, somebody who sees her for her and not for what she's done in the past. Because I know that some of us men, when we find out that somebody's did something in the past, well, we kind of like to brag about it, we kind of like to tell our friends about it, we kind of like to say, Well, you know, see if you can slide her my way, and then we want to try to do the pimp

Stigma And The Double Standard

SPEAKER_03 30:40

thing, which I'm not sure what that's all about, but that shouldn't even be like that with her, you know, women are women. Now, it's no different than if a man wouldn't go out to do that, but then again, if the reaction probably be a little bit less uh severe because as we all know, that men can do things that women can't, you know. If a woman goes out and does this kind of thing, she's labeled a hoe or a thought or or whatever. But when a man goes out and does it, he gets high-fived and he gets like bragging rights for life, and I'm not sure why the hell that even is, because to me it's kind of stupid. I've never done this kind of thing to any woman, you know. I've never been with a woman that's had multiple partners, or maybe that she hasn't had multiple partners that I know of, and passed her off to somebody else. That's just not me. That's not me. So I think that she's looking for someone who is going to be genuine to her and someone's gonna treat her with passion and respect, and that's what she deserves. Just because you know the past of somebody doesn't give you the right to judge them on their future, because that's not how you should operate, and that goes for any man, myself included. Let's just say hypothetically that I did decide to date this woman. Would that kind of play into the back of my mind that no, not really? Would I have doubts about being with her? No, not really. Would I be skeptical of taking her out in public knowing that who she is and who would probably know her? Not really. I really wouldn't. I mean, I'm not saying it would be backlash because even though the porn world in my mind is kind of small, because if you're watching porn, you can't keep up with the different faces. So if you instantly see somebody that you think you might know, it's not like you're gonna look her up on the phone and be like, oh yeah, that's hold on, hold on, that that's her. Yeah, yeah, that's her right there. But no, I wouldn't feel that kind of way because I think that every woman deserves a fair chance, and I think that every woman deserves a fair shot. So for me personally, that's my experience. I don't need to judge you based on what you've done in your past. As long as you've atoned for it and that you won't do it again, or that you're trying to get away from that life. Hey, get away from that life. I would say personally that I would definitely move to another state. I definitely would. Um Because I know that you want to try to I know you want to try to be do something different, and like you said, you have the money for, so it's nothing wrong with that. Um crap. But as I was saying, women deserve to be happy, women deserve to be deserve to be treated like a woman, like a human being. Because I said as I said before, men are men are not bad because I'm a man, and I'm not saying that all men are bad, but knowing that you have this woman, well, why would you want to try to treat her to anything else than what she is? Why would you want to do that? I wouldn't recommend it. I wouldn't want that for her, I wouldn't want that for anybody. So, Becky, whoever you find, like I said, it is totally up to you on how you proceed, on how you wanna if you want to tell these men. I mean, I gotta be honest with you, I don't know that I don't know if tell well, you know, because I know that in relationships you want to try to keep everything honest, you want to try to say, well, you want to try to be openly honest with them. But here's the thing if her past shouldn't matter because maybe you've done something in the past that you're not um that you're not proud of. So I don't think that judging her and saying to her that oh well she's this and I can treat her this way. No, you can't do that. That's not what oh crap. Um in any event, I honestly think that she's a very beautiful woman. As I said before, I wish and I keep stressing you that I wish I could show you all this, but I can't. So but I hope that whoever she finds that they're gonna love her for who she is and not for what she's done. Because as I said before, you know, men, we don't have a perfect track record. I mean, some of us may some of us may think we do, but let's be honest, I think men are more diabolical than women because women have a lot on their shoulder than what wait a minute women have a lot on their shoulder than what men have because women put up with a lot more shit than men do. Because women are always the one that tries to say, well, hold on, let me get this right. Women are always the one that shoulder everything on their shoulders because of who they are and what they not really what about what they do, but they have an image to uphold that men don't have to have that kind of image. You know, a man can be just a dog in heat, and he's automatically a saint. I mean, as we've seen in this world, Jesus, Lord have mercy. I'm not trying to take it there with the politics, but you guys know what I'm trying to say. So I think that Miss Becky, and yes, you do have good hair because you're blonde, curly blonde, too. At that dog gun, I want to show y'all this picture, but I can't. I can't do it. I want to break the trust of my my listeners, or the people that see these letters. But man, let's just be honest. Somebody somewhere is going to look at this young lady and be like, oh my god, she's beautiful. And judging by the way she keeps her body, I really just don't I don't see it. I can't see it because she's a very beautiful 32-year-old woman. She feels like she's in her in her in her 20s, so I can give you that. That's all I can give you. I can't give you no more, but I can give you that. But I think as I think as men, I think we need to either hold ourselves accountable for what we do to these women and the way we make these women feel. Because these women deserve a lot better from us men. Now, I know that we all want to say she's had a troubled life. She started when she was younger. Yeah, that doesn't mean nothing. That's just her being young. How many times have we been young and we've been young and dumb, and we've done things that we're not too proud of? I mean, oh, if I can go back to high school, because uh the people that I run into and you know, and say things that man, we were just kids back then, and you weren't really kids, we were just young adults, and that's what coming to your life is. You know, when you're young, you want to try things out when you're young, and when you try stuff out when you're young, sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. But in any event, one thing is not really gonna be equated with the other, you know what I'm saying? So, while God, it feels like deja vu allora again, doesn't it? Huh. It feels like deja vu, anyways. But I think that in Becky's case, and I'm gonna keep going back to this, how many of you guys would want to know what her past was? I mean, because here's the thing her past doesn't have anything to do with your guys' future, because she's not um now I can see if she was still into that

Why Active Porn Work Changes Dating

SPEAKER_03 39:20

work because there are some men who don't care that their wife are that is an adult film actress, and they will still be with them. Me personally, I can't do that. I I can't and I won't. Oh my god, I can't do that. Jesus, that would probably throw me for a loop. Hey honey, how'd you do today? Oh, you know, I'm good. I got piped down by Big Jack. Big Jack, oh yeah, that's the guy with the fire holes, and you know, yeah, he plugged me up a few times. No, I just can't oh god, I can't see it. And then you gotta come home and kiss her? No, Jesus, no, no, no, no. So that part to me would freak me the hell out. Because your wife goes to work to have sex with another guy, and then she comes home to you. How do you even get the feeling out of that? I mean, how do you even get sex out of that? I don't get it. I mean, I don't understand that. That's like crazy weird to me. But I don't know if I could do that, but in Becky's situation, I could because she's leaving that life behind and she wants to move on to bigger and better things, no pun intended on the bigger and better, but that's what I'm saying. She wants to find a life for herself and start making a life for herself. So I just couldn't be with a woman that's still in the business knowing that she's gonna get get piped down by Big John, or who's that one guy? Lex Steele, I think is his name, dude with the fire hose, yeah. But I just couldn't see that. And you got some men who just they don't mind it, but then they justify by cheating, and then the crazy thing is this is the crazy thing is the woman gets mad because she's cheating, or the or the husband's cheating on her, but is it cheating if you're going to work and having sex with another guy? I mean, if it's protected, then it's protected, but still, oh my god, I don't even know if I could do that. Jeez. I mean, that's like oh, oh my goodness, and I don't know if I can do that. I don't, I don't, and I know y'all in the comments, y'all don't think y'all can do that neither, because I damn sure couldn't do that. I would probably be throwing a whole freaking fit, and I'd be like, uh no, no. Because it would be just different for me. Now, like I said, since Miss Becky is getting away from this life, I think she's gonna leave that life alone because I don't think she wants that life no more. I think she wants to become a one-woman gal. Or one man, you know what I'm trying to say. She wants to be with one man and she wants to be happy, and there's nothing wrong with that. So I think in the interest of her being happy, give her the happiness that she deserves. So, and it either it is easy or it's not easy walking away from this kind of work because she's kind of an addict. Now, what we didn't talk about is that she's a sex addict. I don't know how that's gonna play into her relationships, I don't know how it's gonna come about that if she can stop, like, you gotta figure out if she's a sex addict, but she goes and has sex with random guys. Now, I think that if she finds the right guy, I think this will ultimately stop and it cease to exist. And I do believe that she wants to change for herself because she started doing what she's doing. Now she says she's made a lot of money off of it. That's good. That's good. You got your money? Time for you to do something different. I mean, you tried stripping, and stripping is I don't know if stripping and porn are I don't know if ones wor well, stripping may be

Strip Clubs And The Risks Behind Them

SPEAKER_03 43:10

worse than porn. I I I could probably agree with her on that. I could probably give her that. The only reason why I say is because now yeah, I know I said I've never been in a strip club before, right? But I kind of embellished on that. I have, but I haven't participated. What happened was my late wife, her best friend, used to be a stripper, and she wanted me to come watch her strip, and I was like, uh no, it's not really my thing, and I'm not trying to buy no drinks. Uh you ain't gotta buy no drinks, just come and be a guest. So I watched, but it just doesn't really do anything for me. I mean, I just can't see throwing money at a girl on stage. Now I know some of y'all like, oh man, this nigga he's tripping here. No, not really, it's just not me. I can't really see myself doing that. I mean, I love my money, but if I'm gonna give my money away, at least let us be dated. And that you come home to me. And okay, let's just say if Becky was a stripper, and because I'm gonna be honest with you, there's there's this one stripper that I fell for, and oh my god, she was cute. Her name was Tina Lover. Yes, she was a blonde. Jesus. I don't even know it was a real name, but her name was Tina, her last name was Lover. But I don't think that was her real. I think her first name was real, but her last name was just a made-up name because she was a stripper. But oh my god. I was working at a rent center in Theodore, Alabama when I found this chick. I not really found her, but I was just kind of taken back by her. And yes, I was married at the time, and no, I didn't do anything with her, so for y'all be like, oh see, this nigga, he already tells him spilling the dirt himself. I didn't do anything with her, she was just somebody I admire because she was a blonde, number one, number two, she was oh my god, she was hot. Um, but she's from Alabama, so but one day, because she was one of those go-getters as a stripper. Now, in theater Alabama, I'm not sure if anybody guys ever been to theater Alabama, it's not a big, it's not a big city, it's Alabama, it's not big, but it's not small, it's somewhere in between. But she would always come in, rent a center, pay her bill, speak to me, hey, how you doing? She's like, used to come watch sometimes. Like, uh no, I don't think the wife would like that. Plus, I'm not really uh a fan of strippers. I mean, what you guys do, that's your business, I don't hate you guys for, but and I told her that my wife's best friend, Christina, used to work up there. Well, Christina did work up there. She's like, Yeah, I know Christina, yeah, she's a pretty good girl. I was like, Yeah. And her dude, which she had three kids, she had three boys and one girl. And her husband, which I found kind of odd, would actually have no problem with her going to do the stripping game. I mean, I don't know. Maybe it's just me, but I couldn't really date somebody that's in that line of work, knowing that the small town that I live in, that you're gonna eventually run into somebody, hey, yeah, there's I don't know what her stage thing was. I don't know if it was, I don't know what it was. Let's just call her uh white chocolate. There's white chocolate right there. Yeah, go ahead, girl. Show me how to do that dance. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Throw it out there, make it clap for me. But I would probably say maybe the strip club is a lot worse than porn. The only reason why I say is because there's a lot that goes down in a strip club that you don't really see or that you don't really know about, whereas in porn, sometimes it can be controlled, and I don't know, they're both kind of bad, but not really, if that makes any sense. But in a sense that I'm thinking of, because in the champagne room, well, they say anything goes. You can't touch the girls, but the girls can touch you. And let's be honest, how many times are they gonna see that black light on in that room and you know see all the the the white chalk on the wall and floor on the the place where you're sitting at? Come on now, them things ain't that damn, they're not that damn clean. I mean, you gotta go in there and let me blow that damn thing up just to get it clean. But hey, it's what it is. So while I think that I'm not judging Miss Becky because it's I'm in no position to judge anybody about anything. I'm simply here to offer my advice to her. And I think that when she tried the stripping game, and it probably because she was looking for a potential suitor, what you don't want to try to do is find somebody in a strip club because if you try to find somebody in a strip club, well who's to say they're gonna be loyal to you? I mean they could take off on you one night, say I gotta work late, and they at the damn strip club. See down there I'm not gonna say that. From Strawberry Hill or whatever. Because not only that, if you're looking for if you're looking for love in a strip club, it's it's kind of a win-lose situation. Maybe sometimes you'll come out of it ahead, and sometimes you won't. Because if that's all they know, that life, well, who's to say they can change? I think they can change, I know they can change. I'm not judging anybody and saying they can't change, because I think that what this young lady's trying to do, she is strictly trying to change herself for the better, and that's

Building New Habits And Dating Boundaries

SPEAKER_03 48:45

commendable. Now, as I said before, she wants to leave the life, she wants to try something different, she wants to try something new. Kudos for you for doing that. I continue to wish you the best in your journey and I wish you the best on your path, and I know that you can do this. Um, if you find yourself stuck in a rut and trying to go back to that life, try something different. Try to find a different outlet, try to find something that's going to appeal to your mind. I'm not sure what kind of guy you're looking for, but whoever this guy is, I hope he's there for you and you alone. And not just based off what he knows about you. That's the other thing about dating, because as I said before, the internet is a very it's not really a dark place, but you can find out anything on anybody. And that's why I'm kind of up in the fence about how you can tell the guy that you're dating or when that should come out about what your past life was. Um I think I'm gonna use a better judgment and say that you can probably work that in. Now, if you're trying to be honest with him, maybe go ahead and tell them and see how he reacts. Or if you want to wait till the second date because you want to get to know him on the first day, I'll wait for the second or hell, even the third date. Um I'm not saying that you need to test drive this car on the second date or even the first date, I'm saying the test drive can wait a little bit later. That's if you're really serious about doing this. Now, if you are serious about doing this, hey, you can do it. But in any event, if you should happen to go ahead and test drive this car and you like the feel of the car, I don't know. I don't I don't know. Cause you're you're trying to get over this addiction that you have. And I know that if you're trying to get over this addiction, I'm not sure how it's gonna play to your how's gonna play to your emotions, because your emotions you know, she didn't even say anything about emotion, but I'm gonna go ahead and say your emotes could get attached to this. So I'm not sure you didn't say if you had any similar attachment to any of these guys. I think it was just strictly sex. And though I keep saying that you are protected, which is kudos to you, kudos to you, and you have zero kids, zero responsibility. That lets me know you're you're a pretty good woman. You're a really good woman, real talk. So as I was saying, Miss Becky, you are what I call a diamond in the rough. That's not a bad thing, that's a good thing. That means that you're a really good woman, you're a very beautiful woman, and I think any man would be lucky to have you. And I hope that you can find that man. I hope you can find that someone that's going to make you happy, that's someone who's going to give you everything you need and more. Because I think you deserve that. Never mind your past. When you talk to these men about it, you can kind of get the feel from if they're gonna accept you or not. I hope that they would accept you, because I would accept you, but you'll know right off the top that they're not gonna accept you. Body language to me tells a whole story about when you tell somebody something. They can look at you and they can be like, oh, oh, okay. Or they can be like, well, that's not it, that's not a big issue for me, that's not a turnover for me. I'm here for you and to love you the way you want to be loved. I'm not here to judge you, I'm not here to pass judgment on you, I'm not here to even suggest that we should go back and dig up your past. If you tell me about it, that's fine. I appreciate that. Let's move forward. And I hope that's what happens to you. I think that and I know it's kind of hard to find a man in this world today because men and women, doesn't matter what side of the spectrum that you're on, it's hard to find a good person, a good person that you can like link up with, or a good person that you can be with. Because as we see in this world today, this world is just so filled with so much materialistic bullshit, and then it's all about how much money you make and how much money or what you can do for me. I the fact that you're well off and that you're well stable says a lot. I would not put that out there, but when they ask you what you did for work, it's up to you whether you want to tell them or not. If it was me what I want to know, yes. Would I care about it? No, I wouldn't. Because why? If it's not happening now, if you're out of if you're away from that life now, then let it be. Let it be. And you're gonna know the ones right off the top who's gonna be like, Well, um, I don't know if I can get past that, I don't know if I want to be with a person like you because I gotta take on to my mom, she's gonna ask a lot of questions, and let's be real honest. There are some parents today that understand, there's some that understand and some of them don't. So make sure that when you're vetting these guys, that you get the whole rundown, the whole 411, the whole enchilada, the whole taco, the whole every damn thing. Because you want a man that's gonna be there for you, you don't want a man that's gonna sit there and say, Well, well, you know, she did this, and you know, I'm not sure if I can get past this. You know, I thought I was okay in the beginning, but you don't want a man that's not too sure of himself, you want a man that's confident in himself. That the more that he can be confident in himself, then he can definitely be confident in you, you as a person, you as a woman, you as just whoever you are. So be thankful for the day that you meet this guy because it was the beginning, it's gonna be the beginning of you and him, and you don't even know it. So just be thankful because I think that you still have a lot of life to live, and I know that this person that's going to see you is going to

Closing Advice And Where To Follow

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look at you and be like, Oh my god, wow, she's just so beautiful. He's gonna forget all about your past, he's not even gonna bring it up. So, as we get ready to close the show out, I want to say thank you to my listeners. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. You guys keep downloading my podcast, you guys keep showing me the love. I appreciate it on all platforms. Appreciate y'all. Um, however, I do have a video up on my YouTube page that just to fix what I do when I'm not doing my podcast. So feel free to pop over to my YouTube page, my YouTube channel. It's just my daily work, you know. I do drive a trash truck or I do roll off dumpsters during the daytime, so this don't pay the bills. So I do have two jobs that I work when I love working. So, in any event, I want to say thank you to you guys for listening. Thank you for uh sending me the letters and the emails, checking on your boy, because like I said, I'm all good, just had to get my daughter graduated, so nothing wrong with that. But for Miss Becky, I hope this podcast finds you well, hope it finds you in a better place. I hope that everything is gonna continue to go well for you because I'm rooting for you, and I think that it will go well for you, because no matter what men you come across, always stand your ground. Stay true to yourself, stay strong for yourself, because no man can tell you and dictate to you how your life should be run. This isn't a mistake, it's a choice. It's a choice that you made, it's a choice that you live by, that you stand by, and again, I have to be honest with you, you don't have no kids, you never contracted any STDs, so you're very safe, you're very cautious about your body, and I can give you 1,000 points I would because that's something that's commendable, because you don't hear about that in these days and ages. I mean, you do, but you didn't see it on TikTok or Instagram where you're blowing up some guy's car or whatever because he gave you an STD. But in any event, it's I think it's all good. So as I get ready to close it out, I want to say thanks again to you guys. Um, we're back on the grind, we're gonna keep it moving, we're gonna keep it rolling. Um, yeah, so until next time, you guys take care of yourself and each other. I'm just gonna leave you with this trap hoping for good days by Mimi Bagaria. I think that's how I'm saying her name right. But until next time, my friend, y'all take care of yourself and each other.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:32

Please follow me on TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook. Thanks for spending time with me today. Always remember. I can't control life, but I can control how I react to it. Stay sharp, and I'll see you soon.