What Do You Owe Someone Who Keeps Choosing Chaos

He gets fired, gets arrested, and somehow still talks his way into a date, a free ride, and a place to live. That’s the listener letter we unpack, and it turns into a straight-up masterclass on relationship red flags, denial, and what happens when attraction outruns judgment.

We talk honestly about toxic relationships, emotional manipulation, financial dependence, and why people sometimes cut off the friend who brings the truth. We also get into practical dating advice: slow down, verify stories, protect your money, keep your support system close, and stop trying to build a future on “potential.” The biggest takeaway is simple and hard: you cannot fix someone who keeps choosing chaos, but you can choose stability for yourself and your child.

Subscribe for more real talk, share this with a friend who needs it, and leave a review with your take: what’s the first red flag you would have walked away from?

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Transcript

Opening Groove And Welcome

SPEAKER_01 2:44

Let's talk about it. It's the name of the chat.

A Shocking Listener Email Arrives

Alexis Starts Telling Her Story

SPEAKER_03 5:16

Yes, yes, yes. It's one of my favorite grooves. Okay, y'all. All right. Let's get ready to get this thing started. All right. Oh, that's my shit right there. Okay. How's everybody doing out there? Y'all doing alright? I'm gonna welcome y'all to the show. The show is called Let's Talk About It. I am the icon. We gotta hopefully everybody's having a good day. I'm having a good day. It's a beautiful week. This weather's been up and down. It's been kind of crazy though, right? You know, like real crazy, I guess. I don't know. But in the event, we're here. It's all good. The world's completely blown to shit, but whatever. We're still here. Any event, that doesn't stop me from doing what I gotta do now until whenever. So uh yeah. Uh hope everybody in the feed is doing good. Y'all having a good day. If you're not, then turn into a good day. So I have got a letter, an email from a young lady who clearly, clearly missed the mark on this one. Um definitely something different, you know. Um I don't know what to say about this letter, this email. It's uh quite quite different, so to speak. Any event, uh let's get right into it because I was just as stunned to read this letter, and uh you guys are probably gonna be stunned too. I had some questions at the end, but we'll we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. So, in any event, without further ado, let's get into it. Uh, this letter comes from Alexis, lives in Seattle, Washington, and uh well, let's see what you guys think. Uh hi icon, my name is Alexis. I live in Seattle, Washington. I'm 23 years old, I have no kids yet. But the reason for this email is because I prided myself on staying true to myself and my career and not really falling in love until I'm ready to meet. But I must admit, before I reached adulthood, I was quite the troublemaker or maker of trouble. Lol. When I go to work, I like to stay focused on myself, and I'm very determined to get the job done. And I must say that my job that I usually don't let anyone come between it. But icon, oh my god. There's this guy, of course, there's a guy who reason who was recently fired from our job. Details are unknown, but I honestly feel like he could be the one for me. The only reason why I say is because though we chatted sometimes at work, I always felt there was something special about him. So when he was hired, I knew that I could see myself with him and thought that I could just give he could just give me the world. Really? You got that all from being hired?

SPEAKER_04 9:03

Hmm.

Jail Bail, Missing Wallet, Fast Intimacy

SPEAKER_03 9:04

Well, fast forward a little bit. So I had a date with him, and how we met was low-key kind of funny. You see, after he was fired from his from the place he worked, he was also arrested and charged with theft, or somehow, or somewhat. He got my number and asked if I could bail him out of jail. Jesus Christ, I don't even like where this is going, but it's gonna go. So I said sure, as long as he promises to pay me back. So he said he would, but I still haven't seen the money. But since then, we've had a few dates, and I feel like he gets he gets me. I mean, he hasn't been totally honest with me, but I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt. Icon, when he was fired and arrested the day I bailed him out, we went out to dinner at the house of Eve. A nice place, though he said he forgot his wallet. I didn't mind paying. Jesus, this gets better and better, doesn't it? He's so clever, smooth talker, and his pipe game was definitely what I've been missing. Okay, could have done without that. Well, so it's been a few months. I'm starting to think that there's something that he that he's going through because since he was fired, he seems like he's been a downward spiral. Hmm. Wonder what let that on. So I let him move in with me because he said he didn't have a place to stay because he was fired, but then I discovered that he has six kids by four different women. And I just thought, wow, why didn't he tell me that? Really? Wow, but then again, when I let him use my car, he said he would just work Uber or Lyft until he can get a stable job. And I thought it'd be a good idea. So the crazy thing is, a friend of mine thought she'd seen him with a woman and kids in my car at Walmart. But I said, No, that's just him doing Uber or Lyft. So she said, Oh really? Jay Ston, Jay I think his name is Jay Ston or Jay I don't know. This is weird. Jay Ston was just doing a full-service chauffeur and nanny duties.

SPEAKER_02 11:06

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 11:08

So I said, fine. She proceeded to show me a video of the two in Walmart, the video I sent you as well. The video I sent you as well, so you can tell me what you think. So when she showed me the video, I asked Jay Stone Jay Stone about it, and he said that it was his cousin. So I forgave him and told my friend that everything is okay. Needs to say she told me that if I thought that it was his cousin, all booed up in freaking Walmart, she said I was dumber than I looked. So I just said that she was just jealous because I have a man and my life is going great, and that her life sucks. Really? Your life is going great?

SPEAKER_02 11:46

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 11:48

She's definitely not my friend anymore, and I would just be like you and just say I don't have friends. Okay, that's not where I was going with mine, but whatever. So my guy isn't the best, but he's trying though. He wrecked my car, and still feel like he's the one for me. Jesus. He said, Thanks to me, his life is getting back on track, and that he started seeing and he started to see me as the one that he could spend my life with. So I honestly think he is serious about me, though. I met his child's mother, we almost got into a fight. She said that they're still together, and I was like, Well, how can that be if he lives with me? Really? Really? Really? Really?

SPEAKER_02 12:29

Jesus.

Six Kids, A Wrecked Car, Pregnancy

SPEAKER_03 12:30

Um, and she said that she was pregnant, which with the second child. And I said, I don't think so because I'm pregnant. And well, I just found out that I'm two months pregnant. I wanted to surprise well surprise him, but since we're about to fight, I had to let her know that I'm with child now. Jeez, this is getting better and better, doesn't it? So Icon, I'm excited. I'm excited because me and my boyfriend will soon welcome our child into this beautiful world. It ain't that damn beautiful, first off. Uh though he hasn't been home for four weeks, I know that he loves me and that he will be back soon. Oh boy. He did have court, and I found out that he was later arrested for grand larceny. Jesus, so much for turning that life around. But I still think that he's the one for me, and that if you could just pray that God will deliver him from me, I think he has a hard life and just needs someone like me to help him on the correct path. I just need us to see him, see the good in him that I see, and maybe they will understand. Okay, sign my prince the stud. Okay, well, Jesus.

SPEAKER_02 13:38

So Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um oh, okay. I don't Okay.

The Walmart Video And The Cousin Claim

SPEAKER_03 13:52

Um Alexis, is it? Um, sweetheart. I had some questions for Alexis, but before I get to that, she did send me the video. The video, which clearly her friend has a badass camera phone, or she was just she should be a freaking detective, or a PI or whatever. Because the video clearly showed um Jest Don, or whatever his name is, I think it's J Ston or Just. I don't know, I've never heard of it. It's a different unique name, anyways. Showed the video of him in the Walmart with this female, and they were kissing, hugging, kids playing, yada yada yada, like a real family, you know. I mean, shit, that's probably what they are real ass family. But um, if that's his damn cousin, what in the hell is happening? I mean, clearly, you can't be that naive and clueless um to think that if you have a friend that's seen the guy and the guy and she actually showed you video because she probably would have suspected you wouldn't believe her, anyways. I'm trying to figure out why the hell would she be jealous if she's trying to help you out. She's a friend, she didn't try to sleep with your dude or whose ever dude this is. She's a friend, a friend who's trying to help you. Oh my goodness. Um, so I have some questions for Miss Alexis. The first question I asked was, are you serious? Or I mean, are you are you freaking kidding me right now? I mean, am I the only one that's missing this? I mean, is this where the this is what's happening right now? She said, Yes, why? Uh the next question I asked. In your email you mentioned that you were a troublemaker or or that you were a troublemaker. What kind of trouble? I smoked, I skipped school, I was just a little hellraiser. That doesn't sound like a troublemaker to me. That sounds like the average teenage girl that's just acting out and lashing out. But ultimately, when she started working and got her life together, she's quickly on the correct path to being a successful woman, or so I'm thinking I don't know. So that's not really called being a little hellraiser because I have teenage daughters, and though I want to kill one of them right now as we speak, um, because this is what she's doing, but clearly, um, I love my kids, but that's just called being a teenager. So, I mean, I thought that you had knocked over a couple liquor stores, you had carjacked somebody, you was on a Dr. Phil show with bad baby or whatever the hell her name is, talking about catching me outside and all this other bullshit. That's clearly what I thought. I thought you just had a rough life, a rough goal with the life, and you know, you was just a troublemaker for your mom, but clearly that's not the case. Smoke skip school, that's clearly, clearly not in the range of making trouble or being in trouble. Maybe some, but not a lot. Uh on to the next next questions. I asked her, have you told your parents about your new life and journey that you're on? She said no, because they're so judgmental. Huh. I'm starting to think that uh I I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 17:07

I don't I don't I don't get it. I don't I don't know. But whatever.

SPEAKER_03 17:12

I asked her, has she talked to Jay Stone? Jay don't Jay Stone or Jess Stone, whatever. He's currently still in jail, and I don't know when he's getting out, but I did go see him. Is he happy about the baby? She said. He said, no, not really, because he already has other kids. I just think it's baby jitters. Really? Really? You think it's baby jitters? I mean he's got six other damn kids, one on the way from you, and one on the way from the other chick. That's like what, eight damn kids? And you are now the fifth fifth baby mama? Yeah, because he's got the other four. The other's about to have the second child. So he's about to have four baby mamas, and you're about to give birth to his eighth child. You know what I should have asked. They're probably uh, you know what? I don't I said, Are you still together? She said, Well, off and on. And I was like, what does that mean? She said, No comment. I'm gonna tell you what that means. That means that never mind. Let's let's just do the questions first and then we'll get back into that. I also asked if she still worked in the same place. She said no, she was fired because she kept missing days to help Jest on, and that she works from home because she's pregnant.

unknown 18:28

Okay. Alright.

Hard Questions And Harder Answers

Why People Chase Bad Partners

When Love Derails Your Whole Life

Sex Is Not A Life Plan

Reckless Choices And The Child’s Future

You Cannot Fix Someone Who Won’t

A Real Friend Brings Receipts

SPEAKER_03 18:30

I asked, how's that working out for you? She said, not good because I like my old job. I asked her how's the pregnancy going? She said it sucks because he's not here with me, and I feel like I'm gonna be doing this all by myself. Well, that would probably be the only thing in this letter that I can agree with you is that you're damn sure gonna be doing this by yourself, like real talk. Um damn it, um, females, and I tell my daughters this all the damn time. Uh jeez. You gotta be smart about this. You gotta be smart about choosing a suitable man for you. If you like the bad boy type and the trouble type, because clearly yo princess a stud is clearly a dud. He's not a damn stud, he's a dud. Um if he got fired from this job, one will only believe that he was stealing from this job. I'm not sure what job you do because you didn't really give a full explanation on what it is that you do. Then he gets arrested for grand larceny. Like, I'm not even sure when you said, but he's been in jail for four four damn weeks. Um clearly his life ain't turning around. Clearly, this is the life that he's choosing for himself, and that he has other kids that he is not even I don't even think he's invested in. My thing is, Miss Alexis, what in the hell is wrong with you? I mean, you're going from being a stable person to an unstable person. Why would you want a man to come in and ruin that for you? And not even a good man. I can see if this was like maybe maybe a one-off kind of deal, but the dude has six other damn kids by four different women. You're about to be number five. Real talk. I don't understand, but then again, because I ask myself this all the time, is why do good girls always go for bad guys? And why is that a good guy can't find a good girl? Because they're taken by the bad guys. And what I mean by bad guys, guys that don't have anything going for themselves, guys that intentionally do harm to other people or that intentionally want to have that lifestyle of being bad. I don't understand it. I don't get it, I don't understand it. Because I've always felt that way when I was coming up. This is why this is why I stopped dating American women. This is exactly why. Because all the good ones were taken, and then when you find the good one that you want to be with, well, she doesn't want you because you're not hood enough, you're not bad enough, you're not a guy that likes to disrespect females, you're not a guy that likes to you want to take care of your woman, but you can't take care of your woman because she wants the life of being with a bad boy with all this drama and all this other shit going on. I don't understand that life. I don't get it. Why would you want to have a life with somebody who's already has an established life with four other different women? He's got four of the kids. Didn't say how old you are, but you said that you were 23. So still you're just in your early 20s. Clearly, I don't even know how old Mr. Joston is. I don't. I don't get it. Um but you've got to be doing this by yourself. Real talk. Um ever hear the phrase he went out for cigarettes, or what is it? He went out for cigarettes and I didn't smoke, or he went out for milk and didn't come back. I don't know. It goes something like that. That's exactly what's happening to you. Now, you're Going to see him, you talk to him, but you think he's had he's having baby jitters, he ain't having no damn baby jitters. It's called irresponsibility on your part and on his part as well. Because he's already got six kids. You knew he had six damn kids, and you let him knock you up any damn way. What the hell is wrong with you? What the hell? I don't get it. Why would you want to put yourself in that predicament? It seems like you had a good job, you have everything going for yourself, and then when a guy comes in, and maybe he has had a rough life. I don't know. It doesn't really say if he's you're you're not really giving me a full explanation on that. But if he's got four kids, uh clearly that's not a rough life. That's just him being um immature, irresponsible, and inconsistent. Oh, jeez. When I first read this letter, I thought this was a joke. I thought this girl was not serious, but uh clearly she she clearly is serious about him. And the sad thing is, I've seen this before. I was working at a rental center, and this chick would always sit out in this car because her dude worked next door to Mr. Goodsend's. And but the funny thing is, she was a customer of Rental Center. She would come in and she'd got him, she got him a game console. That's what she was paying for for him. But she would sit out in this damn car from sunup to sundown, waiting for his ass to get off work. And I don't know what the hell that he had because clearly I didn't see the attraction. I I didn't see it. I mean, I pride himself, I pride him for working, but why would you even want to do that? It's like your life doesn't matter that you're trying to um make sure that his life is stable and your life is just up in shambles. Women, we have we, you've got to be smarter in men. You've got to be smarter in choosing the right suitable male for you. Because to some women, this would be a red flag. Now, I could see if dude was trying to get himself together, he was and wait, did you say he wrecked your car? He wrecked your damn car. Yeah, you did say that. I'm trying to figure out what part of his life is turning around. Because clearly, I see someone that got fired, uh, that went to jail. Upon him getting fired, you bailed his ass out. Huge red flag. It's like you may have known him, but you didn't know of him, if that makes sense. So you have put yourself in a position not only to be used and abused, but you put yourself in a position to go down this road to being a single mother, and that is sad. That's sad, because now you're so in factory with him, you're so in love with him, you're in love with the pipe game, which I don't understand what that shit is about at all. Because I don't get it, I just don't understand it. Why would you want to put yourself in this position? Why would you want to do this to yourself? Because I'm gonna tell you something right now, as hard as you think it is now, it's gonna be a lot 10 times harder after you have this baby. It really is. Um, I don't know if you and Mr. Jaston plan on being Jston plan on being together, but I can clearly tell you that it ain't gonna happen. That's good tea. God, it's good tea. It's clearly not gonna happen because whether you choose to believe this or not, your friend was actually trying to do you a favor. And this is what happens when you have when people have good friends and they have friends that's looking out for them, and people don't want to listen, they want to think that they're being jealous. It's not being jealous, especially if she brought you video. I don't think that's being jealous. I think she sees you as a nice person, doesn't want you to get hurt, but clearly you're about to be hurt. Um, you're gonna get all kind of hurt because not only are you going through this pregnancy alone, you're gonna be raising a child by yourself. Because if he's in jail for grand larceny, or if that's just one of the charges, I'm not sure what you're gonna have to gain from this because clearly you ain't gonna get no damn child support. You're not, you're not. You seem like you had everything going for yourself. You seemed like everything was going in the direction that you wanted to be. And it sounds like you just wanted. I'm not really saying that you wanted trouble, you like trouble, maybe you do like bad boys. I don't I don't understand that. I don't understand why women like bad boys. I don't get it. There are plenty of decent men out here who want to respect women, who want to give women a good home and a good life. All you gotta do is just give them give them a chance. He may not look like much, but I'm pretty sure on the inside, he's everything that you want him to be, and that's the problem with you know this generation of this world today. We judge by what's on the outside instead of what's on the inside. On the outside, he looked like uh a Blair Underwood, a Denzel Washington, but could be like um shit. I ain't known the bad guys on the outside. He's looking like he's the best thing ever, like he's got his whole shit together. But then when you get to know this person on the inside, it's just not all there. It's not all there. You're thinking to yourself, Well, what did I do? Is this what I really want? And is this what you really want, Alexis? Really? Is it? I mean, you can't sit here and tell him that this is some like some guy that, well, God forbid now, because now you're about to have a baby bomb. I don't understand it, you know. Like I said before, women are the most strongest women in the world, they're the strongest beings on this planet. And, you know, you didn't have to choose this guy, you seen something in him. That's good, that's fine. You can see all the good qualities about him. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. So while you're thinking that he's a good guy and that he's the best thing ever for you, clearly I don't think that you believe that anymore. You clearly can't believe that. If you are, you're in some some some serious denial, serious denial. Because though I have daughters and though I love my daughters, I pray that they make the right decisions in life and trying to find them a more suitable person when that time comes. Not now, but when that time comes. And though I will always be there for them to pick up the pieces, but let's just be real clear and real honest. I can only do so much. And it sounds like, Miss Alexis, that you had your head screwed on straight, but you let this guy come in and turn your world upside down. And I don't understand why that would be. Why would you even want that? Because if you think you're lonely now, Lord, Lord, you're gonna be lonely for a minute. Because clearly there's no indication that this man takes care of his other six kids. Now he's about to have seven and eight. And you are probably gonna be the lowest person on the totem pole. Yeah, you gave him a place to stay, which I'm not even sure why the hell you would do that. Listen, I know that in life we feel sorry for people, but it sounds like he got he got fired for all the right reasons and not the wrong reasons. It's not like this guy hit rock bottom because clearly he took your car, picked up his other baby mama, and they went on and had a good time while you were either at work, I'm assuming you were at work, I'm gonna assume that you're at work, but excuse me. He took your car like it was his own, and he just did shit and did more things and did things that you don't even know about that you probably still don't know about. I mean, this friend that you had that took this video, she took a really good damn video. Too bad I can't really show it to you guys, but she took a really good damn video. The video is crystal clear 4K uh HD or whatever it's called, but yeah, this clearly, he's clearly he's clearly cheating on you. And I think that you're just someone that he can use and manipulate because you're not seeing the bigger picture, you're not seeing the bigger picture of what's making you happy. You think just because he comes in and lays the pipe down, that that's gonna make you happy. Nobody can live off the pipe. Nobody. I mean, if that's your way of living, then I feel sorry for you. I really do. But clearly, he is a man that has been using you, that is gonna keep continuing to use you, unless you decide to put your foot down. You're already having this child. That's gonna be enough, hard enough as it is. There's no sugar coating that, there's no there's no easier way to say that. But you want my advice, I'm gonna give you my advice. Because I don't think you're gonna get be able to get two cents out of this guy because he has other kids in the fold. He has six other damn kids. Six. I have six kids, but all my kids are by one woman, and I'm not shading anybody that has multiple baby daddies because my sisters have multiple baby daddies, but at some point in time they wised up and was like, no, this ain't for me. This ain't for me, and that's why I'm always just trying to say that you know, women, even though your job is tough, and I know that you guys feel kind of left out and you need the affection, the love, just do it the right way. You don't have to go down. I mean, frankly, I would have been probably a little bit more extended if this was a one-night stand and it didn't end up in a pregnancy, but it did. So you said you want prayer. I think you'd both need prayer. I don't think the prayer is gonna think the kind of prayer that you're wanting me to give you, it ain't gonna be what you want, what you think it's gonna be. Because the prayer should be for you and him. The prayer is definitely you're gonna need all the prayer you can get right about now because this is gonna be a hard road ahead of you. And if you listen to my show, you didn't say if you listen to my show, you know that I've had guests that emailed me before about these types of letters, and I tell them the same thing I'm gonna tell you. You have to be smarter, you have to be wiser, you have to understand what you're getting yourself into. It doesn't matter if this guy has the biggest pipe in the world. That clearly cannot should not make you happy. What should make you happy is that let's say if he did get fired, I mean, let's say if he didn't get fired, would he still would have noticed you? I mean, would you still would have been with him? Or what would I still get this email? I don't I don't really know. I don't I don't know. But only thing I can say is that for somebody who you didn't know and that you just bailed out of jail, I don't think I don't think that's a good that's a good flex. I really don't. I honestly think that was just a bad thing on your part because I'm trying to figure out how the hell they got your number. Maybe y'all or IG friends or whatever. Um I'm honestly at a loss of words for this because I just think that what you're doing is just reckless. And you're talking about you're gonna bring a child, a beautiful child in this world. Kids can't choose their parents, but their parents have an obligation to do what's right for them. And I pray that when this child gets it, that you do right by this child, because I don't know your situation. You know, you haven't really said if you're having it hard now, but you're saying that this that the pregnancy, you want him here with you. Well, I got a feeling that he's not gonna be in delivery room when the baby is born. You said it sucks because he's not here with me, and I feel like I'm doing this by myself. You are definitely gonna be doing this by yourself, and that's the sad thing about it. No female wants to be doing anything by themselves, especially if they have somebody that they invested their time, their money, and their energy in. You did all of this, and this guy is not even with you. He is sitting in jail. He's a waiting court or he's awaiting sentences, all because he stole. He didn't do it once. Well, I'm gonna give him the benefit of the doubt. Well, I don't know. He said there's something happened at the job, so clearly that's the only thing I could think of. I'm not sure where you guys were, but that's the only thing I could think of. He didn't assault nobody, but clearly, this is gonna be on you. This is gonna be an issue or a problem. If your parents are so judgmental, I don't know what you're gonna do, but it seems like you're gonna need their help because you're pregnant now, you're with child, you are with child, and you didn't see if you had any of the siblings, or maybe I didn't know, I didn't read none of that. But if your parents are judgmental, then they're gonna be very judgmental of you now because it seems like though this child is not a mistake, because I don't think kids are mistakes, I just think what you did was just kind of reckless, and you let your you let the look of the man kind of take you away, kind of let you drift away. You didn't bother to get to know him, you didn't bother to just sit down and you know say, hey, let's go on a few dates before we before you move in, or before I let you use my car. I'm trying to figure out how the hell he enticed you to do all of this shit. Now, if he's doing Lyft or Uber, um clearly he should have been contributing something to your household. How do you just let somebody randomly move in and take control of your life? You lost a good paying job because of hold on, hold on. J Stone, or whatever his name is, and I'm trying to figure out what way were you helping him. So you're basically putting his needs ahead of yours, and that should never be because it sounds like when you start off in the first father's love that you pride yourself on your work. Well, I had somebody like that happen to me. My niece. She had everything on for herself. She had two good paying jobs, she didn't have no kids, got hooked up with this dude and just all went down to shit, like really quick. And I don't understand why that has to be. If you're a strong independent woman, keep being that strong independent woman, but set some goals for yourself. Don't let a man come in and dictate to you anything that you need to do differently with your life that you're already doing and that you have already established yourself in. Because when you let a man come in and start trying to dictate to your life and what you're trying to do, well then shit goes awry. It goes away, it goes out the freaking window, and everything is just a total cluster, it's a mess, it's a huge mess, and that should never be that. Now, women say they want a strong man, that's fine, that's all good and dandy. You can have that strong man, but as long as he's on the same page with you, as long as everything is 50-50, split down the middle. Well, not necessarily split down the middle, but you guys kind of co-mingle everything, you guys are on the same page in reference to your life, in reference to how you're spending money, in reference to how you're living, and how you want your guys' or see your life going. So, do I think you can get it back? Yeah, sure you can. You're only 23 years old, but then again, you're about to have a baby. So, this baby, a baby changes everything, it changes everything, it changes the way your day-to-day life is, it changes the way you think and what you do, and how your life is now going to be affected by this child. And don't get me wrong, I love kids. Kids are beautiful, they are a blessing. But if you have a child at the wrong time, it's gonna throw a wrench into your plans, a huge wrench, it's gonna make everything. I mean, you this is your first child, your your real your very first child. So I'm trying to figure out how this is going to how this is gonna affect you, and it's gonna affect you greatly. I believe that it is because I think that what you should have did was you should have left his ass in jail, and you should have let him stay there. But clearly, you were feeling some type of way because and you were feeling some type of way, and you felt that if you could like because you had some kind of crush on him, that you can change him and mold him into the man that you want him to be. That's never the case. Men have to want to change and do things on their own. Men have to want to change and try to figure out how to navigate their life on their own. If you're a woman, you're trying to come in and change a man, well, that's just gonna make everything all bad. It's gonna make everything completely bad. And I'm gonna tell you why. Because when men come in, most men that I know or came across are stubborn or set in their ways, they're not gonna let a woman come in and change them. Why would they? Why would they want that? Like, oh, she's trying to change me and trying to make me go soft. No, it's not. She's just trying to get you to be a better freaking person. Some men, some men, I say a very, very small percentage of men welcome the idea of a woman coming in and trying to change their life to get themselves together. Some do, and it's a very, very small percentage. I would probably say maybe about 25% of those men. The other 50% is just on the they're kind of in the middle, and that other no no hold on, hold on. 25% want that. The other 25% are kind of in the middle, and the other 50%, 50% are just stuck on who they are, and that they're they say that a woman can't ever change them. I don't know why that is because when I married my wife, I changed a lot of things about myself. You know, I did a lot of things, not really that were bad necessarily, but I had a lot of female friends, but then after I got married, um, that kind of dwindled out, and that's fine. That's fine, you know. I don't know what it is about men that they feel the need to hang on to some things after they get married was I'm not gonna change no matter what, but you're not changing, you're growing with the one that you love, you're growing to respect the one that you're with, and that's all she wants. So Lexi, you definitely got a tough road ahead of you, like real tall. You got a rough road ahead of you. You are in for a world of maybe hurt, maybe he'll come out of this, maybe you'll be okay. I'm praying that you'll be okay, but I don't know. I mean, you know, and I get feedback on most of my shows, and I'm pretty sure I'll get feedback on this one, you know, and I welcome the feedback, you know. I welcome what people would say and do in their situation. You know, some feedback is good and some feedback is not good. Some is good, some is bad. But you gotta understand. You have now created a life with a man that probably doesn't have any intention on marrying you, even though he said he can say these he said these things to you. I think it was just at the moment or the height of my maybe it was pillow talk. Maybe. But how did his life change? Sounds like his life changed for the better and yours got worser. And what I mean by that is that you let him move in with you, sound like shit started going downhill from there. You let him use your car to Uber. Why? I have no idea. Your friend came to you, a friend came to you and said that she had video crystal clear HD4K video of this man, which he said was his cousin, kissing, shacking up, smooching up, booed up in Walmart with these kids. So I'm like, what the hell? And like I said, I don't think she's jealous of you. I think she's just trying to look out for you because she might know the type of person, the type of woman that you are. That's a good friend to have. I don't have friends because I don't like drama. I don't have friends because friends always seem to bring you down. But it sounds like there's only a few decent people in this world who actually care about other people, you know, trying to say that hey, this ain't right. But you want to call her jealous and get mad and say that she's not your friend? Freaking kidding me right now? Who the hell does that? Clearly, she's not jealous. She's seen this guy in your car, clearly your car, and she went in there to tell him. Great PI work, by the way, friend. And she tried to let you know that this guy is no damn good. But you, on the other hand, snapped at the damn friend. You snapped at the wrong damn person, and you asked him, he told you that it was his cousin. Oh, I forgive him. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, don't worry about it. Yeah, yeah, we're cousins. Yeah, we're kissing cousins. Yeah, don't worry about it. Yeah. Who the hell does that? I don't get it. No, no, no. Because if a friend of mine came to me and told me that about my woman, I'd probably want to investigate. I'd be like, well, I appreciate you looking out. Because there was no clear motive for her to do that. She could have just been like, oh well, you know. And that could have been like front page news, or you could have been like the talk of the social media. Yeah, girl, she's she's dumb as a buck of rocks.

SPEAKER_04 45:04

Yeah.

Reevaluate Now Before It Gets Harder

Closing Thanks And How To Reach Us

Final Reflections On Family And Loss

Outro Track And Sign Off

SPEAKER_03 45:05

Don't let her do step out on her. Clearly, you didn't say if she told anybody because I don't think she did. I think she just really cared about you. And I think she's just trying to look out for the best interest of you. But you sounds like you were very disappointed in her instead of being disappointed in him. How does that work again? Make that make sense. Why in the hell would you be disappointed in her when she's trying to help you? But now that you're pregnant by him, because you almost got into a fight with this with this other baby mama who he was with, that he said that she lives with him and he lives with you. What the hell is this? Are you like a part-time lover? Or I don't I don't get this. I don't understand this. I don't I don't get it. Because clearly when you're at work, yeah, when you're at work, he's definitely doing some Uber and some lifting. Yeah, he's definitely doing that. And you ain't even said if you see any money coming in. I mean, damn it. Come on now. Geez. This world has gotten so complicit and so complacent when it comes to dating. You know, things are just things are just not what it used to be. You know, back then it would used to be that we could, you know, have a quarter conversation. If you see my woman out with somebody, you tell me that we have a conversation about it. But now it's like you're blaming the other person and saying that the other person is wrong for even bringing it to your attention. That's wrong with you. That's horrible of you. That's just bad of you. So, oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. So, Mr. Lex, I hope this podcast finds you in good taste and I hope it finds you in good form. But you clearly need to sit down and reevaluate your life choices because you're about to have a baby by somebody who is clearly not looking forward to being another father. You are about to have his eighth child, his eighth child. And I'm pretty sure his other baby mama, that these two kids are gonna be close in age. Now, I'm not sure what that's gonna say about the other baby mamas, but what is that saying about you? Your life is completely turned upside down right now. Your life is completely different right now. You're about to go through one hell of a change and one hell of a oh man one hell of an emotional roller coaster. Because I don't think he's gonna be there for you. I really don't. I think he's just going to continue to keep doing what he does. If he's not there with you, he's gonna be there with either one of his other champ baby moms or he's gonna be off to his next victim. Women, you've got to understand that you have got to get to know somebody before, you know, you let him lay the pipe down or you let him, you know, do what he needs to do. Because as much as I hate to say this, most men are like dogs in heat. They're like a dog looking for a bone. And yes, I can say that because I was that person. But luckily for me, I don't have any kids anywhere else. I only have six kids by my late beautiful wife. So I don't have any of the kids that I know about. That sounded horrible, but that's what I'm saying. But women, you've got to understand, just because the man looks like he is fine as wine, he's got the shit, he's got his shit together, doesn't necessarily mean he has a shit together. Talk to him, sit down, have dinner. You don't have to let him lay the pipe the first night you meet him. I mean, my god, damn it. Jesus. Ugh. But you definitely need to sit down and reevaluate what you're doing here and how this is gonna affect you greatly because if it ain't affecting you now, it will. It damn sure will. So I'm not saying Mr. Joston is a bad person, but he has got some bad ways. And bad ways, bad things, and bad ideas, none of that goes together. If he's willing to change and be with you, then he should have. But it sounds like he just wants to continue to have his cake and eat it too. He wants to continue being out there and letting other people foot the bill for what he's doing, which is exactly what you're doing. I mean, you already belt him out of jail. I would have never belt somebody that I barely knew out of jail. Never. I did that shit once, came back to bite me in the ass. Would not do that shit again. No. Hell to the no. I don't think so. So, you clearly do some soul searching. You want prayer? I'll give you prayer. It's gonna be the prayer that you like, but I'll give you prayer. But you should try to you should be trying to figure out right now how this is going to affect your life because it's gonna affect your life greatly. You're about to have a whole child. Your first child. Think about this, Miss Alexis. You had everything going for yourself in the beginning of this letter. You had a good job, stable home, you had no kids, very organized. Think about what this is gonna do to you now. Are you still really in love with this guy? You still want to really be with this guy? Because if that's the case, then who's gonna suffer the most here? The kid is gonna suffer the most. Why? Because one, he has a mother, this child's gonna have a mother that's clearly infatuated with the father, but the father doesn't want to be with the mother. The father also has seven other kids, which clearly you're not gonna be priority in this relationship at all. Your kid's not gonna even be priority. So, if he's in and out of jail for larceny or for theft or whatever the hell he's doing, clearly that's not gonna be a stable home. And it shouldn't even be that way. It shouldn't be that way. You should just take the time to understand what you're getting yourself into. If I was you, I would probably be apologizing to that friend, which she may or may not take your apology because I damn sure wouldn't. I'd have been like, girl, you stupid as hell, and you dumb as a bucket of rocks. So I try to warn you that this shit would happen, but it happened. You didn't want to listen to me, and this is what the price of people pay when they don't like to listen. They think that when somebody's trying to tell them something, they're trying to tell them something because it's trying to hurt them, it's not trying to hurt you, it's trying to look out for your best interests, but clearly you didn't want that. You didn't want that. So now you're not only don't have a friend, but I don't know what your life is right now. I honestly don't know. Clearly, your life is not gonna be the way you think it's gonna be. So, not only do you have to put up with well, you may or may have to put up with them for the next 18 years, but I don't think you're gonna see a dhamma of child support. I really don't. And I hope that you can get yourself back on track. Don't let this child, this not the child, don't let this man, don't let any man come into your life and try to dictate and try to screw up what you have already accomplished. Because when a man comes in and tries to screw it and try to rearrange your life and try to do things his way, well, this is the outcome. You're left without a car, you're left without a good paying job, you had a good paying job, and now you're doing you're at home doing either call center or I don't know what you're doing at work from home. But it sounds like it just went bad for you. So I'm not trying to be harsh on you, I'm just trying to say that if this was my daughter, this is exactly the same shit I'd be trying to tell her. The exact same shit. I'd be trying to tell her that he's not good for you, but you're gonna make these decisions on your own. The only thing that would ask and respect you don't do is get pregnant by him. Because let's let's face it, I'm a father, I have two girls, I can't be there at once. I have to put my trust in them, but I don't want them to make that mistake. I don't want them to go down that road. I don't want them to I don't want them to go through the struggles of life of being a single parent. And I don't think any parent wants that for their kid. I think they all want their kids to do good, whether you're male or female. So, Mr. Lexis, I hope this podcast finds you in good form, good taste. You want to email me for an update, d6mfire357 at gmail.com. I want to say thank you to my listeners. Um, thank you for hanging out with me again. Um I appreciate all the support that you guys give me. I appreciate the downloads that you give my show. Um I just want to say thank you. So, but if y'all want to pray for Miss Alexis, please pray for her. But I'm just being serious though, you know, because I grew up with a house full of women, and I seen all my sisters, my mothers go through struggles of uh men, um, my sisters with different baby daddies, and I just try to do what's best for me because I know I didn't want that life. I know I didn't want to have um multiple women that were pregnant and have my kids. Because let's be honest, it does take a toll on you, it does hurt, and that hurt is there for a very long time because you think you want to be with this person, but this person has other plans. Your heart may not feel what their heart is feeling, your heart may be feeling something totally different than what theirs is, and women are so emotional, and let's get it, let's be honest, I'm emotional too. Um, but women are so emotional when it comes to the one they love and the one they want to be with. That's not a bad thing. It's not. Only thing I would say is that give it time, live with them first, see if the relationship develops. If the relationship develops first, then just go from there. You know, I didn't have my first child until I got married. That's the way I wanted to do my life. That's what I wanted to do. Now I'm not giving shade to anybody that, you know, had sex before marriage or had a kid before marriage, because I had sex before marriage, but I didn't want no kids before marriage. Because I seen what my sisters went through, and I would I didn't want none of that. And I thought that was just the hardest thing I could ever watch them do because the the guys they were with that they they didn't even end up they didn't even end up with. They didn't. Fortunately, I ended up with the one that I truly love, my high school sweetheart who passed away who left me um four years ago. Uh, it'll be four years on April 1st. But that's just me. So hey, it is what it is. As I said before, thank you guys for listening to me. If you guys have any comments, complain, gripes, feel free to email me d6mpire357 at gmail.com. You can follow me on all my social media links from TikTok, Facebook to IG. Um, I appreciate the love and support you guys give me. And until next time, my friends, I'm gonna leave y'all with this track, cross eyed jack. No, I'm just saying it's cross eyed in the artist is ox jack. So I'm gonna let y'all grew to this. Until next time, my friends, y'all take care of yourself and each other. Have a good one.