Family Secrets And A Second Chance

A single attic photo turned a quiet family life into a reckoning. When Christina found evidence that her grandfather once wore the Klan’s robe, she had to decide whether to stay silent or ask hard questions at the Sunday table. What followed was anger, distance, and a deeper look at how prejudice hides behind “tradition,” how control dresses up as care, and why love gets stronger the moment you stop protecting lies.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome And Listener Letter Setup
• 6:38 Christina Discovers Klan Photos
• 12:30 Confrontation At Sunday Dinner
• 18:50 Dad’s Views And Family Fallout
• 26:08 Abuse, Escape, And New Love
• 34:00 Host’s Take On Racism And Change
• 45:30 How To Confront Family Privately
• 55:20 Calling Out Racism The Smart Way

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 2:21

Well, you're in his mind, a man that is admired, fun, compassionate, understanding, and very sarcastic. Hey, that's who he is. The advice can either be good or misunderstood, but he does become experienced. So step back, listen up, follow up, and let's talk.

SPEAKER_03: 4:34

Yes, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_02: 4:42

Give me just a second, we're gonna get this thing started. How's everybody doing out there? Well, here we are again. I am the icon. I want to welcome you to the show. Let's talk about it. Today we have kind of a letter coming from a young lady who is uh currently struggling with uh some family issues that she may have had, well, that she may have come into, and that she's just trying to figure out how she wants to deal with it. So this episode might run a little bit longer than expected, but in any event, we're gonna get through it and we're gonna try to help her out the best way we can. So I want to thank you guys for tuning in to the show. Uh, I want to thank my supporters, my listeners, for listening to the show. So, without further ado, we're about to get into it. Oh god, I love to vape. I think that's like the best thing ever since cigarettes. I mean, cigarettes were good because you know I would smoke so much, but since vaping came along, voila, vaping. In any event, this letter that I received from Miss Christina is uh she's a small town girl, she's coming from Nebraska. So, without further ado, this uh podcast is entitled Very Bad Secrets in My Family. So, here we go. Icon, my name is Christina. I am from a small town in Nebraska, but I have since moved away after I graduated. I'm currently living in New Mexico, I'm happily married with one daughter who is one year old. So I need your advice or help with something that has been plaguing me that has to deal with my family, particularly my dad and my grandfather. I must warn you that what I'm about to say, I want my dad and grandfather to hear, so please email me when the show is live, and so I can download it and we can listen to it. Or I will send it to my dad because I'm so disappointed in him right now that our relationship has been strained because I found out my grandfather was a member of the KKK. Yes, the KKK. So for you, for those listeners who don't know what the KKK is, it is uh the Klu Klux Klan. They are a racist organization who is still living and breeding in certain parts of the area or the US or wherever the hell they're from. Um this really took me by surprise. And now that I'm older, some things make sense to me now when it comes to my grandfather and maybe my dad, but here goes. I was visiting my grandpa and helping him clean out his attic, and upon cleaning out, I came across some photos of him wearing a white robe with a cone-shaped hat, and I thought it was a Halloween costume. Yeah, I I can see how that would understand that. So I didn't think anything of it until we were shown a video in school in history class, and that what had to do, and I had we had to do an assignment about racism and the history of where and why it began. Needless to say, I was so shocked to learn that someone in my family was a member of this hate group. My stomach dropped, I cried knowing that someone in your family was tied to such a pathetic group of men, because I didn't see any women in there. Icon, my life and world had completely changed because I love my grandpa and I'm very much a daddy's girl. At one point we were so close, but now not so much. So after I did the assignment, I received an A. And after I showed my parents, I decided to ask my father and grandfather that Sunday at supper because every Sunday we have family dinner after church at home. By the way, I was a sophomore at the time when this all happened. When I asked my grandpa about the history of the KKK, I don't know if he was just playing dumb or his old age was just setting in. But I asked my dad, as well as immediately he got upset. And I get the feeling that either he knew or he didn't know, but I needed answers. And I wanted my father and grandpa, and I wanted to know wait, I wanted to know if my father and grandpa had a hand in this despicable group. My grandpa said he didn't want to talk about it, and my dad said drop in. And I had no business asking such a ridiculous question. Needless to say, I think I ruined my family dentist for Sunday because things haven't been the same. And I know that this is such a hard thing to find out. Weeks later, my father, which has spoken to me since hasn't spoken to me since the incident, came to me and asked why I asked the question. I told him I found an old photo of grandpa and a white robe with a cross on it. And my dad said that I shouldn't have did what I did and said what I did what I did. And I said, why not? I would never have known this if I didn't have to help grandpa clean his attic. I asked my dad, was he a racist? And he said, What? No. Then I asked, you know, odd question. Then I asked why he doesn't have black friends. He said he does at work. So I said, Well, it's a problem if I dated a black boy. He said yes, because I don't believe in race mixing. We should say with our own kind. Oh, here we go. And I casually said, but dad, this is a definition of a racist. We argued, so my mom came in and told us both to shut the hell up. So I asked my mom the same question, and she said, I could love and date whoever I wanted. I could tell my dad was mad, but he didn't want to ever cross his uh cross his wife. Well, yeah, I get that, you know. You know, mothers are always always the neutral party in a relationship. And man, sometimes I miss my wife. Uh two more weeks went by. My grandpa wanted to speak with me, so I went to visit him. He explained to me that this was a dark time in his life and that he didn't really know how he was supposed to live, but he followed this group because he didn't have friends. And so and though he thought that it was right, he just stayed with it. Grandpa admitted that he was completely a racist and he didn't really like black people. And he said colored, but we all know where that's going. Because he said that they're destructive, abusive, rude, and thought that they should just go back to where they came from. I'm still trying to figure out where the hell did they come from. I was heartbroken. I cried, and he said it's okay because you're safe. You're white, that means something. I told grandpa I never wanted to see him again. And he said, one day you will understand. Ew boy. Can imagine being the fly on that wall, right? I said, that's the day you will never. I said that I said that this is the day you will never see. I left home, told my parents what had happened. My mom was very supportive, but I can tell my dad felt almost the same way as his dad. But remember, my dad said he has black friends, and my mind he wanted to call him, I wanted to call him a liar. But I was just tired of it. Icon. We have a black uh we have black people in our community, our school. Probably not a lot because I'm from a small town. So we don't see much action, meaning everyone knows somebody, and we are just in a good community. That's a good thing, you know. Living in a small community can sometimes be good, sometimes it can be bad. But small towns, usually everybody knows somebody. Uh, small town living is eh, it's okay, because you know everybody, and yeah, whatever. In any event, um, here's something that is interesting, that is an interesting thought. My junior year. Wait, here is something that is interesting. Throughout my junior year, and a very small part of my senior year, I dated a white guy who I thought was a great guy. I really liked him, but it turns out he was not only verbally abusive, but he was also physically abusive. I'm not even sure where he learned it from because I've met his parents. They seemed to have a great marriage, and his home was very stable. The abuse was so bad, I was afraid of him. And I didn't even tell my parents at that point that if I had bruises, I would say they were from gym class for playing soccer. His name was Jacob. He was a jock, played mostly football, though he was though though he was the shit. But was average like me, but had a temper over the stupidest things I couldn't even talk to other boys unless he was there with me. His dumbass sister was a spy, but at the same time, she is a sophomore. That's bad when you have the sister involved because clearly something's going on. One day he beat me up so bad I didn't want to go to school. My mom knew something was wrong because she put her hand on my back and I jumped in pain. I broke down, I showed her, she lost it. She called my dad to come home. I was free to detail. Let's just say my mom handled like a boss. Yeah, you know, most moms do. You know, most moms are just, oh lord, they're gangsters. Moms are gangsters. Fast forward, after school, I was free from the abuse. I moved to New Mexico, where I met my husband, a man I fell in love with. He is everything to me, treats me like a queen. I work in real estate, he has his own restaurant. That is amazing. That is where I met Mr. Jonta. Jonta J. That's his name, Jonta J. Nice name by the way. I use that anyways, um, Icon. He's a black man that I love and that I cherish, and he feels the same about me. It's been six years since I greened since I seen my grandpa. But my mom and dad said he's always asked about me and wants to see me, but I'm not coming alone. So I have planned a trip to go back home, but I need your advice on how to handle this or how you think I should handle this. So I didn't do this episode until I got the results from Christina because I think there's kind of like two parts to this um episode. So what she's dealing with is a family secret that is a dark secret, and that you know, she's just trying to figure out how she needs to handle it. And I can say I do and I don't get it, but I've been here before. Um I felt kind of bad because sometimes when you find out a secret as dark as that, and knowing that your people were part of the uh racist organization called the KKK, and then also telling you that you're safe because you're white, um, you know, in this day and age, that shit don't fly over no more. It's a different new world order. Um, sorry about that, that's the phone. Any event, um when we find out something dark about our parents, sometimes kids can understand it, and then they can when you're young, you think you're taught that what they're doing is the right thing until we get older and that we're able to understand things that are uh that we thought made sense to us, but really doesn't make sense to us. So while our parents are telling us that you know this was the way back in our day, this is what we had to do, not necessarily. Um, the KKK is a racist organization group. I've had the dealings with them when I moved to Alabama. It was my first encounter with a um, I don't know if he was a grand wizard, I don't know what the hell he was, but clearly um their logic and their lifestyle is not depicting who they were as people, and to be filled with so much hate, which is ridiculous. And I know that in this damn world we keep experiencing that, and we keep you know, some people have that kind of um what's the word I'm looking for? Have that kind of aura, not really aura, but you can always tell their true colors when they get mad, especially when they see a black person. Now, listen, I have not um I have not been too much since where I live now, but when I was living in Mobile, Alabama, I couldn't say I experienced a lot of racism, but let's just say I experienced some. Um, because race mixing in some parts of this world, some country uh some countries, not some countries, um, some communities kind of condemn. I don't know why. I don't get it, um, but it's what it is. Give me just a second here. Got a text remote. But sorry about that. Okay, so and here's the thing, what parents fear the most and that you tried to instill in your kids, eventually, as they get older, they will navigate too. So while this young lady, I think, did the respectful thing by honoring her parents by dating a white guy, which the guy turned out to be not only verbally but physically abusive, to a point where she had gotten harmed. And I can imagine what the mom probably did or said because I have daughters, and if anybody puts their hands on my daughter, you best believe um somebody gonna be pushing up daisies by dawn, real talk. So I think in any is any situation, it doesn't matter. A man should have should not have the right to put his hands on a woman unless he is physically defending himself, and I'm not saying that I'm only saying that if a woman is putting herself in that predicament where she just keeps slugging her man and hitting her man, at some point you gotta say, hey, and I'm not even saying you need to injure her or nothing like that. But that's not what this letter is about. I'm just saying, as a man, I don't really condone hitting a female at all, unless you're defending yourself. I mean, if she hit you once, that's probably a pass. Twice, uh, we're kind of on the edge of teetering there. Third time, yeah, we something's about to happen, but I don't condone any violence against women. I don't, I don't, so um, Miss Christina. I know that you know you finding out difficult things about your family kind of put your family in an uproar. And I mean, you said this happened when you were in high school, so I don't really know what your age was, but um, I'm assuming that this happened recently, and like you graduated recently, or well, you said it was six years ago, and that you're on the verge of going back home to visit your parents or visit your people. Um I think that um you can address this directly, speaking calmly in a direct moment. Um, you want answers, I get it, but sometimes when you get the answer that you want, it doesn't really always go the way it seems. There's no really justification for why this young man did what he did. But I can tell you this back in those days, um, to order to fit in or to do something, some people did go along with it. And we hear this a lot. We hear a lot of people in this day and age kind of grow up with regret of what they did and how they did it in reference to um black folks or any other race, you know. Racism, some say racism is taught, and in this case, the grandfather and the father, which I guess he's seen what his dad was doing, and kind of mimicked mimicked it instead of growing his own personal identity and saying, Dad, this is wrong, um, I'm not going to follow your footsteps or follow your lead. He kind of just navigated to it, and it doesn't matter if you're in a small town, it doesn't matter um that uh what they're doing you feel is right. If you know it's wrong, don't do it. If you think it's wrong, don't do it. The thing is about today versus back in our day, today there's a lot more boldness among um along among parents and their kids. If their kids see something that is not right, they call their parents out on it. And most of them do it in a respectful way. So we see that time and time again that when a parent uh when a child finds out that their parent is racing, races, they immediately call them out on it. I mean, we see that now with this whole administration. You know, you have families turning against family because of one man who thinks he's just the shit and he thinks he's God, and you have families that are literally splitting up over this one guy, which is sad because to me, there's no kind of um there's no kind of um oh man, well, I'm losing my words today. There's no kind of reunion for family like that. I mean, it's it's to some people they consider it to be broken when they found out that you voted for this guy, and then you're like, wait, what? This guy did this, this guy did this, it's sort of like what Miss Christina went through with her grandfather. You know, you would have never known had you not cleaned out grandpa's attic. And I think your mom, which is an amazing person, um, which is ultimately the neutral party, kind of set you straight and said, Well, not really set you straight, but kind of is on the side of both sides, but not trying to offend her husband, but wants to make sure that you're happy as a person. Because as we get older, your parents can't really control who you date. After you reach a certain age of adulthood, it is your life, it is your decision. Now, we understand that parents want to control every aspect of their child's life. And why? I have no idea. I don't. I have seven kids, I want them to be independently on who they are. I don't want to control and say who you can and who you can't date. I don't own my kids. I created them. I don't own them, I didn't buy them, I created them. I created them, they're an extension of me, they are my legacy. And my legacy is I want them to be happy, I want them to be who they're going to be. It doesn't matter who they love, it doesn't matter if they're gay, straight, bi, whatever. I am a parent, as a parent will talk to my kids and let them know that hey, either this is right or this is wrong. So, but that's up to them to follow that. Now, if I know they're doing something wrong, if I know they're doing something wrong, then I will try to correct that. But nine times out of ten, they will listen and then they will proceed on how they can proceed on. But I would never try to control my kids and say, Well, you can date this person, or no, you need to stay with your own race. I don't understand what a staying with your own race means. Love is love. We are in a new world, a different world. And let's not and let's be clear. Race mixing happened long, long, long ago before this shit ever got blown up to what it is today. So you had what is that? Jefferson Jefferson Jackson? I don't know. Andrew Jackson, okay, Andrew Jackson, who clearly, who clearly loved his slaves a lot more than what he should have. I mean, for Christ's sake, they had kids. So race mixing is nothing new, you know. People like when they see that, it is like, oh my god, it's the worst thing ever. It is not the worst thing ever. I read in this letter that your grandfather said that black folks are rude, um, they're abusive, and they are just downright mean people.

SPEAKER_03: 25:07

Let me see if I can find that. Uh here somewhere.

SPEAKER_02: 25:14

So um they're rude and abusive and destructive. We're not destructive. Now, you can't lump us in because of one person's bad actions. So basically say if you have one bad apple, they're the rest of the the rest of the bag is full. That's not the way this shit works. It doesn't. Because there are some black men out there who are genuinely, genuinely caring, and that's maybe uh I want to say that's maybe two or five percent of the black race. Yeah, you have some that are rude, and I don't know who you met that that you know was rude in there. Maybe that's just because you're taking on what you see on TV or what you think is bad, but not all black folks are like that, and that's the problem is when we see one racist person, we don't assume that they're all racist, we only assume that that one person that is doing the speaking or running their damn mouth, that that's the person who is the heck who is the issue. I'm not going to take one person and make them bad for the whole that's like police, you know. This one thing was one incident with the police. Um, now granted, Rodney King. That if you guys don't know what happened to Rodney King, go look that up. With Rodney King, there was a slew of them. But let's not let's be clear. There are black folks that are racist towards their own people. I in particular am not like that. Now, I don't agree with some of what some of the black culture does in reference to posting videos of fights and you know doing stupid shit, but let's not be let's be clear. They're not the only racist doing that, you know. We have uh white folks doing that, we have Hispanics or any other race doing that. So we're not all lumped together as far as you know, oh, the black race is just a bad race. No, we're not.

SPEAKER_03: 27:00

We're not.

SPEAKER_02: 27:01

We thrive in in this day and age, and that the truth is finally coming to light that black folks have succeeded, far more succeeded than white folks. Now, don't get me wrong, white folks have been here in this country for generations or millennia or whatever, but our very existence puts them where they are today, and we've created things, we've done things. So I think saying that all black men are rude, destructive, abusive, and rude, uh, we're not all like that. And I would challenge your grandfather to get out and try to, you know, meet some people or do something with people and try to um understand the culture instead of just passing judgment on the culture. As I live and breathe, I see things every day. And it's not a black and white issue, it is a personality issue. When I see people either tearing things up or robbing people or killing people, I don't think to myself, oh my god, it's another black guy.

SPEAKER_03: 28:01

No, I don't.

SPEAKER_02: 28:02

It's not a scorekeeping thing, it's bad people with bad intentions is basically what it is. So I think grandpa, you're wrong on this. And I'm not sure what happened in your life where you thought that where you thought that this was the way to go. And the fact that you told your um granddaughter that she is safe because she's white is ridiculous. Thank God that your granddaughter has sense enough to know and separate um separate fact from fiction and understand that I want to be like everybody else. This isn't me. And they say racism is taught. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. But if it's taught, it's taught at a very young age. And when it's taught at a very young age, the sad thing is that when these kids get older, um, they start, like I said, realizing and understanding like this can be right. And then, like I said, they navigate to the thing you hate the most. You didn't want your granddaughter to date a black guy. Well, she tried it your way. It didn't work out your way. It didn't work out so well at all. So when she tried it her way, your way, she got beat by who? A white guy. Okay? So, experiment with the bullshit and messing with that shit. But as I said, dealing with this, Christina, with your parents is definitely a bombshell in itself. Um Miss Christina has since written me up a follow-up letter because before I did this podcast and before it airs, I wanted to make sure I had a follow-up um response for her because I can also post response. So I didn't want it to be like um a part one and a part two, but it probably would be that anyways. So So um did I ask her any questions?

SPEAKER_03: 30:04

Let's see.

SPEAKER_02: 30:06

Okay. So I'm saying if you listen to my podcast and you think your parents have done something wrong, it is okay to call them out on it. Um I would say speak calmly and directly in the moment. There's no point in getting upset, there's no point in getting angry, there's no point of getting mad. Um, if you felt that your parents are this way, I would say discuss it privately. If you're worried about a public confrontation, that would cause a divisiveness and defensiveness. So you should talk to your family member one-on-one. Never put them on blast in front of like the whole family, because then at this point, you're trying to create a spectacle that you think is gonna work in your favor, and then the whole world doesn't need to be exposed to what your family's secret is. They don't, unless they're doing something bad and they're still doing it, maybe. But putting your family on blast in front of the whole world to see is just not a thing that I would do. Um, focus on feeling and impact instead of debating the facts which can make them defensive, explain how their comments may affect you. Try fake try phrasing it like when you say that it makes me feel angry and disgusted. So, um, we gotta be smart about this, you gotta be level-headed. I know that in this day and world we want to record everything and put it on social media, but let me tell you something. When you put your family members on blast, that has consequences. Do they deserve it? If they're still doing it, maybe they still deserve it, but if they're not doing it, they don't deserve it. Um, they don't deserve to be ousted out and put on blast so they can lose pretty much everything. Now we're talking about I'm not talking about the people that you see, like the Kairns or uh the racist men or the Mr. Kairns that you know do stuff out in public. That needs to be warranted because you're working for somebody who is clearly a racist, and that company doesn't want that. That's what I'm talking about by putting people on blast. But if you discover such information and this information is going on right now, um, I'm not sorry, not right now, in the past, then it's okay to confront them. But if you don't see that type of behavior or that pattern that they're following now, maybe they do it at home, but they don't do that in public. So I would say talk to them in privately, calmly. There's no point in arguing, there's no point in arguing, there's no point in throwing things and getting upset. Now if you feel this strongly about this decision, then I would say you go for it. If you feel that you can or can't get through, my hope is that you can get through to your parents, and when you get through to your parents, then maybe things can change. Like, what are some things that they are doing now that you still consider to be racist? Um, I know you've been away from home for roughly six years or whatever since you left high school, but you can't really know if they're still the same way as they were back in the day. Because as I said, back in the day, um it was a whole different kind of thing, it was a whole racism shouldn't happen, but it happened. You know, what I'm trying to figure out is that why, and we'll never get the answer to that question as to why, but we know that people are racist in their own way, and they fear what they don't know. So when they come out and say, Well, I'm gonna call him this, or I'm gonna call him that, yes, sometimes the trigger word is the N-word. Now, as I said before, I was encountered with the KKK in Mobile, Alabama, maybe it was Green Bay, but on the outskirts, um, the guy called me a nigger. Okay, I don't need to go ham because he called me a nigger. First of all, it's not what they call you, it's what you answer to. You can quickly shut the conversation down by responding, okay, you want to call me that, that's fine. But here's the thing when you do it in a manner that's like just a one-on-one, or you have a bunch of your white cronies around you and you think it's gonna end well, that's fine, that's fine, that's cool. And it wasn't the fact that he called me that, I was actually at work when he called me that. So I had to think about is this guy worth me losing my job over it? Is this guy worth me going to jail and putting food on my table? Did this guy physically assault me? No, he used words. People can say and do what they want to do, as long as they don't put their hands on you, it is fine. So that's why you see these new videos out here with the the female and male version of Karen's, you know, they're talking all this shit and all they're saying, oh, you're black bashed and you nigger this and this, that, and the other. Okay, that's fine, that's fine. But the minute it gets recorded and it's sent to their employer, then yes, that warrants, that is what I call justice. It's called justice. So, me putting my hands on you is not gonna further me to say, Well, I need to go to jail because he called me a nigger. No, no, no, no. I feel much better knowing that you lost your job and you're basically about to lose damn near everything because of what you said and what you did. Because in this day ages, Jesus Lord, TikTok is like the freaking mind blowing of the investigation. I mean, all you gotta do is type in the first lesson, they'll have your shit less, they'll have your shit quicker than the FBI, the PD, hell, maybe FR uh FRS. I mean, it's weird because the minute I see these people going ham, it's like two seconds later, they're already plastic. This is who she is, this is her Facebook page. I mean, damn, no wonder TikTok didn't want to sell out to the US. I get it. I mean, shit, they do more detective work, and I mean crimes and everything get solved. I mean, you can know everything on TikTok just like that. I don't even listen to the news anymore. I get my news from TikTok. I mean, damn, TikTok is that damn good. So, but that's the kind of justice that I'm talking about. So, if you are a black man and you have experienced some kind of racism, and like I said, though we've seen in um this day and age, you know, when black folks get mistreated or this, that, and other, now we're doing the smart thing. And the smart thing is we're going after them um the legal way. We're not beating anybody's ass, we're not uh going to jail for it. No, we're doing it the smart way. We're gonna come after your livelihood, we're gonna find out where you work, where you live, what you do. And when we find all that out, then it's only a matter of time for that up in smoke or for when that leaves. And is that sad? Maybe. Is it worth it? Yeah, yeah. Because you got people working in these kind of positions. That how do you know you're not gonna come across these people again? Do they deserve second chance? Um, maybe it just kind of depends on the situation.

SPEAKER_03: 37:11

Maybe it does.

SPEAKER_02: 37:12

I mean, for Christ's sake, this prime example of this letter, Brooke Hogan, which was Hulk Hogan's daughter or Terry Bowler's daughter, uh, prime example that this guy was clearly a racist, an undercover racist. I used to look up to Hulk Hogan when I was younger, but as time goes on and things started emerging, started coming out, and the tape and all that other stuff, I was like, man, this can't really be him. And then when he tells his daughter he doesn't want his daughter to date a black man, but she ends up dating a black man. I mean, that's like, holy crap, really? Why would you even want to do that? And then when the man passed away, she still felt the same damn way. That is what I call a broken relationship. It's beyond repair. She tried, he didn't want to give in, and then what I think was more ice on the cake is that he supported the guy in the White House, Trump. So he died. I don't think he died peaceably, I think he died uh alone, you know, because his daughter said she wanted nothing to do with him, even after this man died. And that's sad. That's not a legacy I want to leave for my kids. I want my kids to be happy. I want my kids to be, I want them to thrive and go out in life and just be happy and do what they want to do. I want them to find somebody that is good enough for them. So racism, though it may be taught in some cases, and there are some kids who choose to stick with that and choose to say, again, fear what they don't know. Because when you fear what you don't know and you start speaking out a turn, not a lie, your skin color ain't gonna save you no more. Because why? We don't want to hurt you, but we will hurt you in a way that is detrimental to you. That means going after where you work or where you live. To us, that is justified, that is what we call justice. So we may not hit your pockets depending on what the situation is, but we're gonna hit you in some way. And is that okay? Yeah, because why are you doing it the legal way? The legal way. So, you know, and I think that's what the smart approach is that black folks are now taking. Now they're doing things the legal way, they're speaking out on platforms and calling this person out. You know, oh, this person did this, this, this, this, this, and me. And I'll be damned. TikTok is right on it, right on it. So we're gonna get into the follow-up of Miss Christina because she gave me a follow-up, and we're going to see if things changed or if things were kind of the same, if the relationship is still strained. Um, I hoped that it would change. Um, I hope that they are gonna be a better family because of this. So, without further ado, let's get into it. Let me get some of my tea, my red diamond. I love the red diamond. So, this is the follow-up. This is her response. Icon, hello again. I hope all is well with you. I have an update to share with you. I would first like to say thank you because you're an outsider that has shared positive feedback, and that and that what I was that was what I was looking for. Even though I asked some of my friends, I don't know if they took it seriously. I get it. So here we go. Upon me going back home, my mom knew everything about my husband. Even though I'm a daddy's girl, my mom has always been a big supporter of me. So she kept the secret from my dad, which I'm sure wasn't easy to do. You'd be surprised, but you know. So we flew home, stayed the night in a hotel, and then we drove home. I was nervous. I was nervous for my husband, but he assured me that everything would be okay, and that there was nothing to worry about. We drove back home at 10 a.m. in the morning, and this greeting was something I wasn't expecting. My dad came running out, running out of the house like I just returned home from war, immediately picked me up and hugged me and said that he was so happy to see me. Then he went around to the driver's side door, flung the door open, told my husband to get out. This is where we thought it went wrong. Get out the car. And he gave his son-in-law the most biggest hug. I was shocked. I cried with tears of joy and happiness. I asked my mom, crying, is dad going blind? She said, No. I told him everything about what's been going on with you. And I said, Mom, really? I thought you said you can keep a secret. Well, apparently she didn't. So she said, I did, but but she said, I don't want no more secrets in this family. Okay, I understand that. So I cried again, tears of joy. Then came to our daughter Jasmine again. My dad quickly forgot about us, picked up his granddaughter, and went to the house. And I was like, Okay, I mean, my mom was so sneaky and clever, but I knew we had one more herd across, and that was grandpa. But surprise, grandpa couldn't wait to see me because mom didn't tell me that he was already there. So the door opened, my grandpa's eyes got big, but I couldn't tell if it was her anger or fear. But neither, it was happiness. Oh, okay. It was happiness. Let's let that sit for a minute. It was happiness. There's more to the story. Give me just a second, I gotta get my screen back up. Okay. So, it was happiness. He gave him the biggest hug and said, Welcome to our family. And I asked my mom, is grandpa on something? She laughed. I was like, WTO, what the is happening? Then came to me, then he came to me and apologized for everything he said was wrong, and he wanted no part of that life, but wanted to live the rest of his life fully embracing other cultures. I assumed my mom and dad talked to him and told him everything because for the time we were there, he was the grandpa I wanted. I felt so at ease, I swear, Icon, seeing his great-granddaughter just melted me with happiness. So I say thank you. Because of your kind words, my family is back together. We haven't spoken anything else about related to the past. So much that they are all moving to New Mexico to be closer to us, and they love his cooking, and they want to see his restaurant, but most of all, they wanted to be closer to us so they can see their grandchild. And there it is. There's a happy ending, a silver lining. Um, you know when I read that, it almost made me tear up because that's what you want from parents. Parents to take accountability to understand that what they did back in those days were wrong. But if they can live and learn from it and grow up and be happy, who are we to say that they don't deserve a second chance? They deserve every bit of a second chance. I believe everything she says in this letter. Grandpa changed his ways. I believe that the father changed his ways. And I believe that because it's something about older folks and when they're um and when their grandchild has a child. When you look into that child's eyes, you're like, this is the future, this is what we want. We want to do right by our grandchild or our great grandchild. God bless them for this. God bless them for um speaking up. God bless them for their family turning this into something positive. Because we know that some families don't have this opportunity, some families just sit in pain and just let that pain fester, and that pain just continues to consume them as they get older until they die alone. And I don't want that for anybody. I don't. It's just sad. Um when I read this letter, I was like, man, that that's really good. And again, I am just somebody an outsider looking in. If I can help you, I can help you. If I can try to put your family back on track, I can do that. I am an outsider looking in. I'm an average person. Um, I have seen and been through what she's been through. Um, I'm not trying to make this all about me, but I dated a girl who I thought when I was gonna marry, she was the love of my life, and I fell hard in love with her. But her father, her father was just not into race mixing. Her mother, I mean, embraced me. The father, and she was a stone-cold hard daddy's girl. She was. Um But knowing that, I don't know if she would have done things differently. Um I haven't since talked to her, but I think in this day and age, um, especially if you're deep in the country, that things have just changed. If you are listening to my podcast and you feel that you are racist or have been racist, maybe it's time for a change. You know, there is no race that is better than any other race. You know, we all bleed different. We may look different, we may feel different, but we all bleed the same. Our blood is red on the inside. Okay, so our skin color may be different, we may be different as a person or an individual, but just take the time to get to know somebody, you know, as we see that people are navigating more and more towards you know, other cultures and trying to understand other cultures, and that's fine. I have no problem with that. And I know that in times that where we feel that we have to be uh assertive towards another race, we really don't. We really don't. You can have a disagreement with somebody, but as long as you talk about it, it's better to talk than to start fighting. What are we fighting for? The only way you should start fighting is if this person put their hands on you, spit on you, whatever. That might warn an ass whooping. But as far as me going to jail and you know getting audio communication and getting um angry and trying to beat the shit out of you, this that's just not that's just not my thing. It's not my thing, it's not what I'm gonna do. But I will protect my family, and you have every right to do that. So, what I want everybody to take away from this, if you are listening to this podcast and you feel that or you have been wronged in your family, or you think your family's wrong, or you're not even talking to your family, this is what I would encourage you to do: sit down and talk. Talk to them. I don't care what the situation is, because nothing is more heartbreaking than knowing that if they left this world tomorrow, you wouldn't get to say what you want to say. You would the house would still be burning instead of you putting the fire out. It doesn't matter who's right, it doesn't matter who's wrong. Come together, sit down, and talk about it. You know, parents now I think are a lot more understanding than what they were back in the day. Why? Because they lived through so much, and I get we may have been hurt by somebody of the opposite race, but that doesn't justify a whole race. It doesn't, it's no way possible. So stop letting people encourage you by pushing the narrative that all races are bad except the white race. It is not, no race is better than any other race. We are all here as a people trying to live in peace and harmony, but we know there are two sides to a coin. We know that. So kids completely change things as they get older, especially when they start living their own lives. And for Miss Christina and her parents to do what they did, um, I think that six years has really done something to their family. I mean, you heard them so good that they want to move closer to be with them in New Mexico. And I think that is a drastic, drastic measure to take, but a good one. Because they want to be with her and their grandchild. And I think that's good. I'm not saying Nebraska is a small, one-minded town because I'm pretty sure there's a good there's good parts of people in Nebraska, but New Mexico, much more culturally diverse. This gentleman has a restaurant, which I mean, I wish I knew the name of this restaurant. I try to see if I can come out there, but let's be honest. Yeah, no. But and he's successful. So I think while grandfather while while the grandfather was kind of setting his ways, he may have come around to some things. And nothing says anything that you're like you're lonely when you don't have your grandchild with you. That's just it's loneliness, and this feeling a sense of emptiness inside you, and it's like eating away at you. And then you have time to reflect and think like, what have I done? What did I do? How can I fix this? And I guarantee you, the conversation started with the mother. I'm almost positive it started with the mother. I'm pretty sure she set them two down and was like, Listen, I'm not gonna lose my daughter, I'm not gonna lose my grandchild over your two stupidness. I leave you both in a minute. I mean, I can imagine what that conversation was like, and it's not the crazy thing, but the mothers are the always the one holding the glue in the family, they're always trying to keep everybody together and make sure everybody does right. As I said, mothers and families are the very neutral party, they're neutral, but they're fair. And when I say they're fair, they are fair in not really taking both sides, but making both sides see, well, you're wrong for this and you're wrong for that, and then collectively, collectively bringing them together and saying that hey, we need to work on this and we're going to work on this. And as a family, we're gonna be that family, we're gonna be a strong family and we're gonna stay together as a family. We're not going to uh go backwards, we're gonna go forward. So, I don't know what the politics in that family is. I mean, I can only imagine, but it is what it is. So, it's good when a family is back on track. It's good that a family can sit and talk rather than just you know be at each other's throats or let this fester for so long to that when you die, you didn't have a chance to say anything to that person. Because what happens when a person is die? We often live in regret, we take blame and say, Well, I should have done this, I should have done that. I know that there are some families who don't have what Miss Christina's family has. I understand that, I get that. Maybe start small. I'm not saying jump right into the pool and you don't know how to swim. I'm saying take the appropriate actions, sit down and talk. Um, sit down and just try to maybe understand, understand what this person was doing was wrong. And then after they say what they're doing is wrong, if they can take ownership of it and say, Well, you know, I'm open to changing my ways. If they can change their way, they can change. You know, that's that's the thing. I think people can change if they want to change. I think people can change the way they that they are if they're racist or if they have racist ways. I have some racist ways, but let's be real clear, I don't like confrontation. I will talk to you first to see if we can get some kind of resolution. But with that being said, if you come after my kids, then we have a problem. A huge problem. Again, you'll be pushing up daisies by dawn. Real talk. So while I think racism is gonna still exist, it is up to us as people to say how we can move forward from it. Do we need to fight? Do I need to go to jail? Do I need to do anything? No, we don't. We don't. No, no. As we see on TikTok, the people get called out at their racism. They are living in regret because they feel hurt. And what's bad is that they're in a community that a community doesn't even want them there. You know, we've seen that this administration has kind of taken its toll on races. You know, they're trying to pit us against each other for what? They want a race war. We're not gonna give them the satisfaction of a race war. We're going to be people of smart, people of peace, and people of intelligence. We're going to hurt you, but we're going to hit you where it hurts. It might hit you in your pocket or your career. That is the satisfaction again of that's making us happy. Because knowing that you don't have this job anymore, you have to sit and wonder if anybody's going to hire you or put up with you. That's that's all the satisfaction I need. That's all the satisfaction I want. Real talk. So again, if you are somebody who listens to my show, you are dealing with something with your family that you think is beyond repair or beyond approach, I would challenge you. You can reach out to me, we can talk about it. Maybe we can come on the show and have a full conversation about it. I don't know. But I'm happy that this letter had an happy ending. As I said before, we see parents like this, it doesn't end well. And it's hard when your child is not with you because it's something that I think it's a big it's a big deal to them. But to me, it kind of could have gone the other way had grandfather kind of just said, well, hey, I'm sorry for this, you know, this is what he said what it was, but and then he didn't apologize until she came back. At least he apologized. At least he did. And I hope that he has a out a better outlook on life in reference to the other cultures, the race, because this world is filled with other cultures. You know, when I go to the Philippines, um, I wasn't shown not one ounce of racism there, partially in part because it's a one-culture town or one culture country, because there's not that many races there. But when we come, when I come to the Philippines, I'm treated like I'm like like royalty. I mean, godly, it's beautiful, and not all cultures are like that, and I understand that because some cultures want to remain their one culture town or their one culture country, but other cultures enrich other cultures. Black culture enriches a lot of cultures. We do a lot of good things in this world, we create a lot of good things in this world. Again, no race is better than the other race. We are simply just trying to live and trying to live in peace and trying to be happy. We know that there are some communities that are just horrible and just riddled with violence, and I wish the best for those people. But again, it may be a black uh a black race, a black race, or a white race, or Mexican race, or any other race. Again, nobody is better than anybody. So we must look to each other, and I and I and I see this a lot, I see a lot of uprising, and you know, people trying to come together and say, Well, we're not doing this anymore. And that's a good thing. So, parents, if you listen to my podcast, you have kids that want to date outside their race, encourage them to date and feel how they want to feel. They can fall in love with anybody who they choose to fall in love with. You can't control that. Because if you keep trying to keep them away from it, I guarantee you they're gonna navigate to that, and you'll be pissed, but they'll be happy. And in the interest of you being pissed, you're gonna lose the very child that you love the most. Because we see some kids just don't ever come back from it. They don't, they call their parents out, like, oh, he's never gonna change, never gonna do this. But it's gonna be too late for you to change because meanwhile, while they're going on with life, you're still sitting at home grumpy and mad as hell because your child ran off with somebody of the opposite race. And I don't even care what race that is, I don't. I don't. I don't know what it is about the black men that white white fathers fear the most. Stop watching shit on TV that you think that we're all connected, because we're not all connected. We don't feel that way when y'all do shit. I damn sure don't. I look like, oh my god, we don't. There are some things we want to do in this world and let's live in peace. We can't help that we were born with this color. This is the way God made us, this is the way God made all people. But the smart thing and the right thing to do is just to embrace. If you can embrace it, if you can try to understand it, do that. Ask all the questions you want to ask. But don't go for a second and tell your child, no, we are racist, just stay together. No, that's what we were here to do. We're here, no, you're not, you're not. Your child is an extension of you. Would you rather your child be with somebody abusive? Or would you rather your child be with somebody who was smart and it always has their back? It doesn't matter if it's male or female, either way it goes, hey, it's what it is. So as we get ready to close the show out, I want to say thank you. Thank you for listening. Thank you for being part of my audience. As you guys know, um, you can listen to this podcast anywhere that is streaming. Um, let's talk about it. Uh, I'm on Amazon, I'm on Spotify, I'm on all of it. So, I want to say thank you for listening, thank you for tuning in. Um podcast drops every Wednesday, like clockwork. Although I've been getting some letters and saying that we need you to drop more during the week. Well, I got two jobs. You know, I do this for fun. Um, before I go, I also had a request from a young lady. Hold on here. Let me see if I can find it. Um, hang on, hang on. I'm trying to find it.

SPEAKER_03: 1:00:37

I don't know if I can find it. No, that's not it. That's not it, that's not it.

SPEAKER_02: 1:00:44

Okay. So we had a listener um in the spirit of Halloween. I don't know why, because this episode has nothing to do with Halloween, but um in the spirit of Halloween, um, her name was wait, where is it? Oh, her name was Ashley. Ashley emailed me and said that she wanted me to repost an episode um that she thought was funny. Um, this episode is called The Living Dead. Um, Ashley, if you're listening to this podcast, I will repost it. I will repost it. Um, this episode was about um a guy who was dating a girl who clearly thought she was trying to mimic a zombie just in case she got bit. But we all know that shit ain't true. Ain't no zombies here. So the episode is called The Living Dead. Um, and I will repost this Ashley. And for those of you guys who want to listen to it, who are free to listen to it, um, this was an episode I did last year um that got a lot of hits off of it, and a lot of people are like, Well, she is she's serious. I guess she was. Um, we never got a follow-up to that, so I don't know if they're together, if they're not together, but clearly it explains the situation that um she was just trying to you know I don't know, it's weird. So if you guys get a chance, listen to it. So, as I said before, thank you guys for listening. I'm the icon, the show is called Let's Talk About It. Uh, again, links will be in the description. Um, anywhere you listen to podcasts, feel free to get it on. So for for right now, we're gonna let y'all groove to this last track, uh, sugarcoat by Jovi. And thank you.