Let's Talk About It

How many warnings do you need before you choose yourself?

• Derick

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A listener named Alexis shares eight years with a boyfriend now serving time, while repeated prison visits reveal other women and shifting explanations. We weigh loyalty against red flags and offer a practical way to leave a cycle that feeds on hope and isolation.

• eight-year relationship with repeated betrayals
• overlapping prison visits and conflicting stories
• patterns of control, scarcity and manipulation
• difference between promises and behavior
• practical steps to set boundaries and detach
• building a social circle beyond the relationship
• why “first” isn’t the same as “forever”
• using a pros and cons rule to decide
• choosing peace over uncertainty

Feel free to reach out to me, d6empire357@gmail.com


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SPEAKER_00:

Well, you can make it my tool here.

SPEAKER_03:

All right, all right, all right. How's everybody doing out there? Just letting us groove a little bit before we jump into the show. Well how's everybody doing out there? Everybody doing all right? It's a good day for me. It's been a great week. Wanna welcome y'all to the show. I am the icon. The show is let's talk about it. So got a letter from a young lady who's concerned that I don't know, maybe the guy she's with has even though he has a lot of time on his hand, he's spending more time with others than I guess the one he's with, which is kind of hard to do considering the fact we'll get into this letter and figure out how I can give this young lady advice. So without further ado, let us get into it. Icon, I'd first like to say I enjoy your show. I do follow you, but I have noticed you haven't posted in a while like you usually do. Okay, before we get into the letter, I haven't posted in a while because I've been out of the country and I just got back not too long ago. So I went to the Philippines and um had a good time in the Philippines second time around. So I'm trying to get back into the swing of things. So hopefully everything is gonna fall back in its place and I'll be getting back on my grind. But in any event, let's get into the letter, shall we? I have a question for you. If the one you're with is in prison, what would you do for the relationship? I'm only asking because I feel like my relationship and men always seem to take a turn for the worse, leaving me feeling stressed about my life. I've been dating this guy for about eight years, and it's not been the best. I'm starting to think that he loves going back rather than being with me. Okay. It's like he's cheating on me, but with someone on the inside, and I'm so stressed out because I don't know who it is. I'm really concerned, I need the truth, I must admit, I really can't be without him. He is my everything, and I only want to be with him, but I focus my life around him. We don't have kids, he said he's not ready to be a father, but he has other kids with four different women. Boy's been busy, I tell you that. I was really hurt when I found out a month ago, and I only found out when a woman I was talking to went to the same jail he was in. And we started talking, and she told me about who she was and who she was there to see. I left crying the whole way home, which is a two-hour drive from where he is. He called me collect, of course, and said that she was the past, and I forgave him, and I put our relationship back on the track. I was excited and I was going to and I was good and happy. I rescheduled my visitation to go see my man, but I had to wait two months again to go see him. So when I got my visitation, I was more excited. I was more excited, but upon my visit, I encountered another woman who was there to see the same damn man I was there to see. I only I only knew this because when they called his name for visitation, we both stood up and we went to the officer and they thought we were sisters, but I said that but the other woman said that she was his woman and that they had a daughter together, even showed me a picture with him in the in the damn picture. What is my life? I don't do drama. So I left again, began my two-hour drive home, and went back and watched the thin line between love and hate. I'm not sure what that's got to do with this, but we'll get into it. I contemplated murder, but in the sense that he was lucky because he was already in jail. So Javion called me. I'm sorry, that's his name. I'm Alexis. He called me three weeks later, explained that she was there because he was ending their relationship. God damn, what is this? So, yes, of course I forgave him again and reclaim what is mine. Okay, it's like he said lost and found or something. I finally had my man back. I wouldn't didn't put your horse in front of the cart here. So again, we're back on the right track. I don't oh, okay. I never felt better about our future. I'm feeling very bleak about this future, but anyways, so I went back and I knew all was well and that everything was going to be alright. When I went back a third time, I was excited to see, I was excited because I was finally going to see my man. God damn, they say third time is a charm. I arrived, signed in, and all was well. So I thought, it turns out Javion had already had a visitor, and that the system either got screwed up or there was an error, and someone else had taken my appointment.

unknown:

Jeez.

SPEAKER_03:

I argued with the CO. He said that there was already that I was already there, and I said, that's impossible. Who's back there with them? The CO was not having it. He told me to leave, or I can get booked in for disorderly conduct. Yeah, that's probably a good idea. I can find out wait, I can't find out who's back there then, so I waited in the parking lot to see if I knew the girl. That's that's never good, especially in the Department of Corrections. And yes, Icon, she was the fucking girl from work, and I was like, what the fuck? I left again. I began my two-hour journey home listening to Summon Walker, Summer Walker song playing featuring Bryson Tiller. I knew I was special because he was my first, and I knew he loves me. So he called me a week later and explained that she was his lawyer and that she was trying to get his case taken care of. I forgave him and I probably should back on track. So icon, I will return to go see him again. I need your help in getting us back on the right path to love. Thank you so much. Signed Alexis from the North. Okay, well, uh, I don't know what I could do to put this relationship back on track because you are clearly getting a lot of red flags that you should um avoid at all costs. I mean, damn. I mean, the fact that this is syncing up on the schedule that you're going to go see this man is just ridiculous. I don't understand that. I don't even see how the hell this even happens. I mean, Jesus, this guy is either good at what he does or Papa is really a rolling stone. But then again, y'all don't have kids. He has kids by other women, which, you know, I kind of get it, but you know, you've been with this guy for eight years, eight damn years, and Jesus, Lord of Mercy. In any event, I had questions for Alexa. Um I had questions for Alexis, and I asked in my questions, now she answered some, but not all, but we'll go for it. I asked, what was he in for? Her response for car theft breaking the entering, I think. Okay. And I said, How much time was he serving? She answered, he's serving eight because someone was home when he broke into the damn home and stole the car. Jesus. You can't make this shit up. I'm saying. In any event, I asked her, where does she work? She said, Walmart. She's been at Walmart for three years. Um, I asked her, What is your life? She didn't answer. Um, I also indicated said, well, you said he was your first in the letter. And she said, Yes, he was my first. I lost it at 26. I masturbated a lot and didn't know what sex was. Jesus. I don't even know if where to begin with that part, but you know, whatever. It is what it is. You know, some people don't lose it till they're 30 or 40, whatever. I don't, that's not whatever. I asked if she had siblings. She said she has five. And I said, Do you have friends? Yes, my dog Bosco. Okay. I asked her, what does she do for fun? She said she works and she walks Bosco. And I said, Do you live alone? Yes, me and Bosco. And then I asked her, I said, Why are you so infatuated with him? Because he said he loved me and that we would have our own family and that he gets when he gets out in five years. So I will wait for him. Okay. Um, yeah. Oh, give me a second here. Okay. So, and I said, when he was out, when he gets out, he lives with you. No, he worked from Oh, I said when he was out before he went in, um, did he live with you? And she said, No, he worked from sun up to sundown. I only came by after 10 p.m. Jesus, oh no, mercy. Then I asked, what did he do? Like, what does he do for a living? So he is in auto repair. That would definitely explain the petty theft. Um, but whatever. Um, okay. So these are the questions that I asked, Miss Alexis. Um, Miss Alexis, I hope this five podcast finds you well because I honestly don't know where to go from here. Um, everything you had, everything you seen was clearly a red flag. Um, you're with this guy for eight years. Um, before he went in, he didn't stay with you. And you only seen him after 10 p.m. If that's not a booty call, I don't know what is. And I'm trying to figure out how in the hell well, wait a minute. Hold on, let me think about this. Because you said you were a virgin, uh, you lost it at 26. So clearly, um there's a saying, not sure if it's true or not, but once Jesus, once you lose your virginity to someone, you tend to become clingy to that person because that person who you think that you lost your virginity to is the one that you're ultimately supposed to be with. I don't know how true that is. Um, maybe I can contest to that because I think when I lost mine, I think I was a little bit clingy, uh, to the point of no return of a restraining order. No, just joking. Oh, but in any event, I didn't even bother to ask how many times he had sex because it's really none of my business. I don't really care. But then again, I guess I threw that questionnaire because I was just trying to get a feel of what Miss Alexis is going through. So the thing is that it is weird because the crazy thing is his schedule sinks up with these women coming to see you. I don't know if he's doing this on purpose. I don't know if he's trying to give you a clear indication that maybe he does, maybe he doesn't want to be with you. I don't know. I can't really say. But clearly, people in jail have a lot of damn time on their hands. So I don't know if this is some kind of mix-up or whatever, which maybe it was, maybe it wasn't, or maybe it's just to show you that he has other options other than you. And that's the sad thing about it. You know, sometimes when a woman loses their virginity at such a well, can't really say young, but you're still young, you're still 26, but you lost your virginity at uh 26. So clearly, I'm not sure what your life was before this man. It doesn't really sound like you had a lot of relationships dealing with relationships because you indicated that you masturbated a lot because you didn't know what the hell sex was. Um, if you lost it at 26, I'm trying to do the math because what I'm looking at here is you lost it at 26. So if he's serving, I don't even know how old he is. Now I don't want to eight years. I don't know. Any event, I'm gonna take a guess and say that you lost it at 26. I think you're probably a little bit older now, and you've been with this guy forever. I there's no there's no honest, honestly, I don't know what I can give you that's gonna help this relationship because the crazy thing is you're going to wait for him and you're gonna miss so much on waiting for him. I think clearly what you should do is maybe maybe call this a loss and move on. I mean, you don't have friends, that's okay, because I don't have friends. Um your friend, your dog Bosco is your friend. Um, clearly, I don't know if you have much of a social circle you have. I don't have a social circle, but I do like to converse with people, and I do like to talk to people. But at the same time, I don't like to isolate myself from the world because I feel I need to know what's going on. And if I find out, keep in tune on what's going on, trying to keep up with day-to-day. Um, if you're working at Walmart, there's plenty of a friend circle there. I mean, I would probably try to do something different there. Maybe there's gotta be somebody. I mean, there's got to be somebody else that you have an interest in. It has to be. I just can't really fathom how you're putting all your chips into this uh or your eggs in this one basket in this one guy. Jeez Louise. I don't know where you go from here. Because the guy said it was his was his attorney, but you said they work it's the same. I think I read that right. Let me look at that again. I knew who the girl was, and yes, I can. She was from the fucking girl at work. So you said that he said that it was his attorney, but how is unless an attorney is doing a side hustle at Walmart, which I don't know, maybe our times are difficult. Maybe she's a paralegal. I don't know.

unknown:

I don't know.

SPEAKER_03:

But the shit is weird because I've been through this before, not with my own personal experience, but I had sisters that had men that were incarcerated, and then they were um going to see their men or whatever. And then, you know, here's a funny thing about men in prison. They have a lot of time on their hand, they have a lot of time to reflect, a lot of time to think, a lot of time to basically sit there and do their time because they ain't gonna miss a day. But in that interest of having all that time, then some get lonely. I mean, he's in there doing an eight-year bid for theft and larceny, and then you said he got that time is because he got he stole the car and whatever things, but he broke into somebody's home while they were there. Not sure what city and state that you're in, but I don't know. Laws are different everywhere you go. In any event, I honestly think, Miss Alexis, you should try to find someone that's going to benefit you because you're putting your age into this one basket. There's no guarantees that this man is going to wait for you. Men will say any and everything when they are in prison. Um, they're gonna tell you that they love you. Uh, they're gonna tell you that we're gonna be together forever. And I'm not knocking it. Some men do honor uh their relationships when they're in prison. Some do, some don't. I would probably say most likely that 50% of relationships that are prison relationships survive. 50% do, 50% don't. I don't know you well enough to say, well, it's gonna work. I mean, I hope you give me a follow-up on this podcast because it's it's just ridiculous. I think that what you should do is that you should kind of I would say talk to him, but y'all have done all the talking you do. I think you're like putting his hands because you say every time you guys talk, um, you're like, oh, we're back on track and we're good now. It's like he can say the most simplest things to you and you guys are good. I mean, you guys are back on cloud nine. Honestly, that would be him. Excuse me. That would be him taking advantage of the whole situation. And because I think you're his ride or die. So you're gonna ride with him no matter what. So all this information, new information that you found out, he told you he didn't want kids, but he has kids. Okay, I get that part, but you're expecting something totally different when this guy walks out of prison. I'm gonna tell you right now, when the guy walks out of prison, this is what men do. Now, don't hold me to this, but this is what maybe 95% of the men do when you get out of prison when they taste fresh air. As soon as them damn gates open, if the women that he's talking to is there to pick him up, yeah, of course, we're gonna go home, we're gonna bang one out. I'm gonna lay there, you know, we're gonna we're gonna cuddle, we're gonna do some pillow talking. And then when reality sets in that I'm out and that I have other side pieces that I can tend to, I'm gonna go tend to them side pieces. I kid you not, I've seen this shit happen over and over again. And it's sad, but like I said, men have a lot of time on their hands in prison. I don't even know if women do this. I honestly don't know. Huh? Kind of makes you wonder. I don't know if women do this. You know, well, you know, I gotta get out and give me some of that dick. I don't know. I don't get it. In any event, um, I think I don't think it's gonna work out the way you think it is. I think it's just gonna be a a disaster. I think when he gets out, yes, he's gonna come stay with you, you're probably gonna throw down a bomb ass meal, you're probably gonna cook, and he's probably gonna feel right at home. But it's gonna set in and eventually it will set in, and I don't even know if he's gonna get what, parole or probation or whatever. I don't know. But it's gonna set in that um I'm out and I have options, and I don't know if I want to be with you. I don't know if I want to stay with you. Because if he's got not just you, but he's got the others, and then again he's he's telling you that he's telling you that he's ending it with these other women. Well, how do you know that? I mean, it's not like y'all get together for coffee and talk about this dude. So y'all be like, yeah, well, you know, I'm ending it with him, so you don't know her, she doesn't know you. Clearly, I don't the the only mix up in clerical error there is is him. The error is him. Because when I say the error is him, is because I mean, even in prison this guy's disorganized. I'm not even sure how the hell that's even happened, or that even works. Oh my goodness. Miss Alexis, I would hope that when you listen to this podcast that you kind uh take some things into consideration. Um, you're better than that. Um, you deserve better, you deserve more. You sitting and waiting for this guy, uh, it's like they say he left to go get milk and then he never came back or cigarettes and never came back, and you don't even smoke. You sitting and waiting for this guy is just going to be a bad thing because so much has already passed that you could be experiencing, but you're putting all your faith and trust into this guy. I'm not saying dude is a bad dude. I'm not. I don't know, dude, just like I don't know you. But you wrote me the letter. I'm trying to give you my advice, and the advice is this I think you should really, really, really, really concentrate on finding somebody else that's going to benefit you. Maybe there's somebody that you came across even that worked. I mean, you don't really have a social life, so I don't know. I would probably say maybe some dating social dating sites, but then again, those work for some and they don't work for others. I mean, it's just sad. I mean, it's sad because I think it's sad because you're gonna spend so much time waiting and wondering and how you can try to figure out how you can make this guy happy, but really you're the one he's already happy because he's got options. And when I say he's happy, he's got a lot of options, and you're not one of those options. Well, you might be, but you're probably the lowest one on the total ball. He has kids. I don't know if he takes care of his kids, maybe he does, maybe he doesn't, but you're not included in that equation, and that equation is the relationship that you want to be with him, it's not probably not gonna work. It's not. I'm not gonna say it's not gonna work, it probably ain't gonna work. And I think that you should do something different, you know. Maybe you indicated you just don't really have so much of a social life. And listen, I understand that. I understand that good. As for people who know me and know my podcast, I talk about I don't have friends, and the reason why I don't have friends is because I don't like drama, and I don't like drama, but I do have a social circle, not a big circle, but it's people mostly that I conversate with or that I work with or my family. Now, that's not to say I'm lonely, because I'm not lonely, I'm just me. I just don't do a lot of drama, you know. Friends come and go, but I know families forever. So you grew up with five siblings. I'm trying to figure out how you how you're fearing your siblings. You didn't really say much about them. I don't know if you guys have like a close relationship or if it's good or whatever, but I would urge you to probably get out there, maybe put yourself out there and don't be so desperate, you know. The thing is with women, you don't have to be desperate, just be yourself. Don't try to peace, don't try to please somebody that's not gonna please you or that's not working in the best interest of you. Because they're not working in the best, they're only thinking about themselves. Now, he's got kids, you don't want kids. How's that gonna look like if you get out and decide that where he gets out and you decide that you want kids, and you say, Well, I mean, I don't know what he's gonna do to I'm still trying to figure out how the hell this is gonna happen because if he gets out and you're there, who's to say the other women won't be there? It's like he's gonna have his pick of the damn litter, you know, and then you're gonna be left heartbroken again, traveling another two damn hours going back home to go play whatever movie you're playing. When you said you played a thin line between love and hate, I don't know where the hell that came from. That because I don't know, and then you were contemplating murdering the guy, but he's already in prison. You should not even be thinking like that. Listen, men, not all men are dogs. There are some good men out there, and the sad thing is you have to go through you have to go through a few bad ones to get a good one. Now, that's just not to say all men in general are dogs, because all men are not dogs. It's just like you have to go through the storm, you know, to find what you're looking for. You have to, you know, I don't know what the word I'm looking for is. You gotta kind of put yourself out there because again, it should always be the man working hard to please the woman, not the other way around. That's my opinion. So that's the way I feel, and that's the way I've always felt. When I was married for 26 years, I made sure my wife was happy. But unfortunately, God had other plans, took my wife, and I had to find love someplace else. But when you cater to a man that's not catering to you, and you're doing 95% of the work, what's that leave him with? It's like he's the king, and you're like one of his servants. I mean, who the hell does that? I mean, I get it. In a relationship, it's supposed to be 50-50, but sometimes the male likes to do more to take care of his female, take care of his queen, so to speak. But in this case, we're not seeing that. And when we don't see that, like I said, everything that you gave to me in this letter is clearly a red flag. Clearly. And again, I say, when he gets out, are you gonna be one of the ones standing there in the parking lot waiting to take him home? Or are you gonna be matched up with the other women that were there and you guys are just gonna hash it out and fight over them, and then somebody's going back in jail? Because let me tell you how that happens. I think when okay, any part of a relationship, I think if a woman fights over a man that she knows is not worth it, I think it's bad. Because when I say this, when I've seen women fight over men that are not clearly not working, well, you're you're going to jail and he's still gonna be out. So ask yourself this is it really worth it? Is it worth you going to jail? Is it worth you seeing the other woman? Because let me tell you something, it's not the other woman's fault that he brought all this drama around himself. It's his fault. And I'm not saying do something to him that's gonna make your pain better because it's not, it's only gonna make you more miserable, it's only gonna make you more angry, more heartbroken. My advice to you is to let him the hell go. Let him go, find somebody else, find somebody better. Because when you put this much time and effort into a relationship, that causes stress, that causes like unfathomable attention uh attention. I mean, when you put this much effort into a relationship, you start losing sight of the bigger picture. And the bigger picture's for you is to be happy. That's what the bigger picture is. Hang on, I know I gotta get a sip of my tea. Love my tea, my red diamond. But I can't tell you how many letters I get and women want to know why the man is the way they are. I don't know. I don't have a clear explanation because everybody is different. But speaking from not really experienced, I I've never been to jail, so I don't know what that's like. Have I cheated before? Yes. I have. Do I consider myself a good man? Maybe now, but not then. And I'm not totally blameless on any of this. You know, I can honestly say that I have been bad when I was married, and I told my wife. So I'm not trying to make this man out to be like, or make myself to be like I'm the better man than he is. We are all human. We are all flawed in some way. And in order for us to uh sometimes put things back on track, we got to go through some things that we don't want to go through. Now, we see women that we love and that we cherish, but then we also have a temptation on the other side of us, is like, oh my God, I wonder. And then we kind of we kind of flirt with that line, and we say, well, what she won't know won't hurt her, but it will, because then eventually in the end, she will find out. And that's a sad thing. And I used to think like that. So I'm going to talk to you from experience. No, I haven't been in jail. But yes, I have cheated before. I have. And sometimes it does make you feel good, knowing the fact that you think you can get away with it, but really you just can't get away from it. So I think that when I got caught, I was. Oh, thank you, son. Um, when I got caught cheating, um, there was nothing I can say. There was no explanation I could give. There was nothing I could say to justify my actions. So here's the thing: you have the evidence right in front of you, and you didn't say if you confronted any of these women, and that's probably a good thing, because you shouldn't be confronted the women. It's not the women's fault. Um, well, hold on, hold on. It's only their fault if they know of you. If they don't know of you, then they kind of get a pass. Because the person that's actually doing ultimately doing the cheating is the one that set all this up. So if you didn't know about these other women, but you just met these other women and you talked to one, then I think the guy that you're with is clearly, clearly not gonna be honest when he gets out. He already knows in his mind what he's going to do, he knows where he's gonna go and how he's gonna get there. So, and when he gets there, you're not gonna be in that equation. So, but Miss Alexis, I don't know what you look like, but you sound like a very beautiful, very intelligent woman. I think you are a little bit um, I don't want to say insecure, but I want to say um that's the word I'm looking for, and I can't think about it. Oh crap, I forgot it. It's not insecure. I don't know, but you know what I'm trying to say. I think that I don't know if you were sheltered or this is what your life is or how you choose to uh do your life. I don't know that hang on. I don't know if you were this way or how you got this way, but you can change anything, anything you can change for the better. I'm not saying what you're doing is bad. I'm just saying that you're putting all your faith in the one man who's not gonna be there for you, and I think you're gonna get your heart broken, and I think you're gonna be pissed off, I think you're gonna be upset, I think you're gonna be angry about everything that this guy has done to you, and eventually it's gonna come back and blow up. And it's gonna blow up some bad things, you may or may not know what you need to do because you told me you lost your virginity when you were 26. You masturbate a lot, okay. Big deal. How to world masturbates, big deal, not a big deal there. But clearly you don't you didn't want to let yourself feel something, or you didn't understand the way this world works, or maybe you just shut yourself out from it. I don't know if you've been hurt before or if you've had past relationships, but don't let your past dictate your future. When you let your past dictate your future, then your future starts to come into a reality, and then you start going downhill. And when you start going downhill, and there's there's a way you can come back from it, but it's going to take you longer to come back from it. So, meanwhile, I'll give you an example. So I had a young lady a while back who put everything she knew and loved into this relationship. I mean, the guy in her mind could do no wrong. I mean, they were together since they were probably in middle school, and the guy could do no wrong. I mean, she found out that he was cheating. I mean, I think, yeah, they said they've been together since middle school, so that's been a long time. Um, that she found out he was cheating, she she lost it. She lost it. Not when I say she lost it, she kind of went to a dark place, she went to a bad place, she um she tore up his things, she tore up things that he had, uh, destroyed a lot of his property, and even tried at one point not kill him, but just injure him. But it ended up going bad for her, and I'll tell you how, because he eventually called the police. To call the police, said she tore up my things, she hit me with a lamp, and she went to jail. I don't know how long she went to jail for, but let's just say when you do stuff like that, that's what makes them happy because he ain't got to deal with you no more. Because why? You're in jail, so you can't get to him. I don't know how much time she had or what she got that was served, but it's never good when a female goes down that path. If you know the man that you're with is not gonna be good, or if you know he's not good, why put yourself through that stress? Why say that I can change him? No, sweetheart, he's only gonna change if he wants to change. Now, you can probably try to coach him along and try to say, well, hey, let's do this a different way. Maybe start out as friends, and I'm not talking about friends with benefits. If you see something in somebody that you think you can probably help out, not really change, but maybe try to get them on the correct path, I would say do that part. But never would I thought that I would meet a person knowing that their intentions were bad and I would try to change them because that person has to want to change for themselves. If they don't change for themselves and you still want to be with them, well, you're inviting everything, everything that you know that they do into your relationship and into your life. That causes stress, that causes anxiety, that causes anything up under the sun. So men go through this particularly, but I think it's much more the women that go through it than the men because the women are the backbone of the relationship. They put every single effort into making their relationship work, keeping their man happy, and making sure that he's happy. And they do it at a they do it at a respectable pace. So it's not like they are like breaking their backs or whatever, but they know what it takes to keep their relationship happy or keep their man happy. And that's a good thing. So Miss Alexis, I think you really need to just take a a long, hard look at your life and try to figure out what is good for you, what's gonna make you happy. I hope you're not sitting at home wondering right now, as we speak, men, I wish I knew if I could get in contact with you, but I may just end that's in the in a a return email or a reply to your email. Because it's just sad. You know, we see so many women go through so many things. And you know, I come from a family with nothing but women. I used to see it all growing up, and I seen it as I got older. You know, men in my mind that use women that way, and again, I'm not totally blameless on this because I take 100% fault with the things I've done in the past. I do, I really do. So, and I know I was one of those men, but the only difference was I wasn't in jail. But I think that this is what you should do. After hearing this podcast, um sit down, write down the pros and cons of your relationship. If the bad outweighs the good, there's your answer. I don't care what he can say to you, he can promise you everything under the moon. You still shouldn't fall or cave to that. Because it's like you're being putty in his hands, and I know that you think this man is a love of your life. I don't think he's a love of your life. I think he's just someone that's conveniently there when he went in and that you were his ride or die. And I'm not even I don't even know if you put money on his books, you didn't really say that, which I can only imagine if you are. Oh my goodness, oh goodness You know loving people is hard work. Um I'm not gonna try to give you an idea if you are going to Oh man, I want to say that. I hope you're not contemplating marrying this guy in prison, because that's definitely gonna be a disaster. It's not good, it's just gonna be horrible. You work at Walmart, sounds like you're doing good. You and Bosco, how about this? You and Bosco go out, maybe walk your dog. I mean, there's got to be somebody out there if you are an animal lover. There's plenty of animal lovers that are single. Not a bad thing again, but there's plenty of them that are single and that are looking for love. And yes, you and him may have a dog. Why not try to go that route? Man, I didn't. I mean, if you have a dog, I mean I see plenty of people around here in dog parks and that are. I mean, I don't understand how them relationships don't last as long as they do. Some do, some don't. But I think majority of them do, though, because there's animal look. Find something that you have in common with somebody. Like, yeah, I have dogs. I'm not sure what kind of dog you got, but whatever, make it work. Flip it, make it work. Um, I would challenge you to go out there and just give it your best. I would say, cut Mr. J. Beon, is it? Yeah, Javion? I would cut Mr. Javion loose. I would say, JVion, it's been a good run, but I think there's too many red flags. Please don't tell them that I said, I mean, I'm just nobody. I'm just here giving you advice. I mean, if Mr. J.Vion decides to link up and listen to my podcast and write me a letter, I welcome that. I welcome all kinds of negativity because this ain't gonna be the first and ain't gonna be the last. So, but you can't blame another person for giving somebody good sound advice. Now, I can't speak too much about his situation, but I know he's in jail. So you said he's been, it sounds like he's been in more than one time. If he's been in there more than one time, I don't know what this is. Maybe some people just love or can't handle life. Maybe some people just want to go in and I don't know. I don't I don't get it. But my advice to you is to cut them loose, you know. You can't make anybody love you, you can't make anybody fall in love with you. You can try to make them happy, but if the happiness is not there, it is not there. Let him go or let them go. Get out there. If you're at work, maybe try to develop a social circle. I'm not saying do anything irrational, I'm not saying um do anything that you're uncomfortable with. I'm saying do something that's going to make you happy, do something that's going to give you peace of mind. Something that you, when you go home at night, you'll have butterflies in your stomach thinking like, oh my gosh, I can't wait to see them again. But what you have right now are probably cramps or a bad feeling. And I think that's probably gonna make you more sicker than the damn butterflies. I'll take the butterflies any damn day. But you know, the crazy thing is he calls you collect when something goes wrong. But what is he doing? I was gonna say, what is he doing with the rest of that time? But then again, I already know. So, you know, you know, prison has changed, you know, since back in the day, because now I see him on Instagram or live, and I'm like, damn, how does that even how did he even do all that in on live? So, but you gotta if he doesn't if he's not writing you letters, I'm not sure what the hell he's doing. But the fact of the matter is this, Alexis. Let this man go. Do better for yourself. Because let me tell you something. If you were to get married to this guy and you had a baby, I think it's just gonna be all bad downhill. Because if he has kids and didn't neglect, no, maybe you didn't neglect to mention these kids to you. Well, he said he did have kids, but he didn't want no more. I get that part. So I think you should change it up a little bit. I wish I knew what you look like, but then again, that's not really relevant. Change it up a little bit. Do something that's gonna make you happy. Take your dog out, go to a dog park, maybe go to a movie, maybe start a social circle with some friends. Um, just do something that you're comfortable with. Do something that's gonna make you happy. And when you start doing things that make you happy, you're going to forget all about Mr. Javion. And when you find that person that's gonna make you happy, you're gonna forget all about Mr. Javion. And then when you're in love with that person and you have these butterflies of these feelings every day, you're going to forget all about Mr. Javion. And when you forget about Javion, guess what? Javion is gonna know why. He's gonna also say, Well, well, he's gonna be looking like, oh baby, I thought you I was a one for you. No, you weren't. You weren't, you weren't. So, yes, yes, everybody, that's my son in the background change. I'm not sure why, but whatever. But when you start thinking about somebody else other than Javion, then life is gonna get a lot better. Shit's gonna go a lot better. Because I can tell you right now what you're doing right now at home. You're sitting there wondering when you're gonna get back up there and you're gonna see him again. Because you haven't seen this man not one damn time since you've been in there. And every damn time that you went, there's always been a roadblock. Take those as signs. I would. If you've been up there, what, three? Say three, three or four, uh maybe three. We'll say three or four. If you've been up there three, three to four times, clearly that's a sign. That is an indication of maybe it's time for me to move to hell on. Maybe it's time for me to go someplace else. Maybe it's time to let him go so I can be happy because you don't want to be miserable. Because if you're miserable, this is gonna be your life drama. This is gonna be your life dealing with the other baby mamas. This is gonna be your life, wondering if he's coming home. This is gonna also be your life. Will I see him after 10 p.m.? What the hell? That's nothing that's kind of freaking me out. Who the hell comes by after 10 p.m.? That's more like a booty call. I mean, what can you possibly do after 10? Well, I know exactly what you can do after 10, but and that's all you're gonna be doing. It's a booty call, then there's pillow talking. Is that pillow talking?

SPEAKER_02:

Because you can't do nothing else. I mean, it's not like you're making a whole damn meal. Jesus Lord.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh my gosh, where do these people come up with this shit? I mean, it's crazy, right? So it's what it is. 10 o'clock, 10 p.m. I gotta say, reading this letter was um kind of different. It was um, I can't really speak to the effect of having somebody in prison because I've never dated anybody in prison. And I'm not saying all people in prisons are bad. You know, some people get hit with some some some life choices and they gotta, you know, make up for that. And then let me say this. I hope I'm wrong. I really hope I'm wrong about Mr. J Bean because I'm not really judging him. It sounds like to me he's already been judged. I mean, he's in prison, for God's sake, Jesus. Um I want to be wrong. I do, but it would be different if you start off with this letter saying it was just you, and then you guys are trying to talk about maybe I could see the one, the one female, but when you have three, three, and then you went to go see him on multiple times, but you could not get back there to see him for nothing, and the only way you talk to him is through a collect call from the Department of Corrections, and every single thing he says to you was, oh, she was I was ending it, or she's my lawyer, or she's trying to help me get off, or whatever. Dude, come on, you're already in jail. There's no point of lying. Just tell the flipping truth. I mean, be truthful about it. I mean, there's no point of lying. You're already in jail, she can't get to you. I mean, unless you know people, not just jugging. Yeah, I want you to go ahead and do this guy. Yeah, his name JV. Yeah, I don't, I don't know. He done with a bar of soap or something. But don't ever have anybody feeling like you want to murder them because of what they've done to you. Because that only ends bad as we see time and time again in this world. If the relationship ain't there, if it ain't working, let them people go. Yes, if you've invested time and energy into the relationship, it's gonna hurt. It's gonna hurt, it's gonna sting, you're gonna be upset. But you know what the best thing is? The best thing is there's somebody else out there that's waiting for you, or there's somebody out there that you can be with that's gonna make you happy. But putting all your energy and time into being angry and upset and wanting to do bodily harm or whatever, that's only gonna land you where he's at. That's basically where it's gonna land you. It's gonna put you right where he's at. And when he's sitting there and he's about to get out, when you're about to be going in, so he'll be seeing you on his way out as you're going in. How the hell does that even work? Now, ask yourself this is he still gonna be there for you? I don't think so. I don't. Ooh, Lord, I love my vape. I love my vape. Oh, in any event, these are things you gotta ask yourself. You know, is it gonna be worth it for you? I don't think it is. You have to give yourself some peace. You have to think about your life and how you want to live your life. You don't have to settle for anyone because you think there's nobody else out there for you. You can find somebody, or somebody will find you. I know it's hard finding people in this day and age because we have the power of social media. You don't know who's true, you don't know who's not true, you don't know who's honest, or you just don't know. But like I said, you have to go through a few bad ones, a few bad apples to get a good one. And that's just the nature of life. You know, we want to find somebody right there to be the first one to say that this is the one for me. We want to do that. Sometimes it works, sometimes fate says this is it, this is a guy for you, and sometimes it doesn't. So if you can find that person and that person is right then and there for you, then go for it. But I would challenge you yourself to maybe go on a few dates or I mean, geez, dating for now. I think dating now was a lot dating now is a lot harder than what it was back in my day. Back in my day, we passed notes, we didn't have social media, we didn't have cell phones. I mean, we didn't have none of that shit. We had pen and paper and a telephone. And you better be lucky your phone was on. But now there's so much out here, and I don't know where I can tell you to turn to besides just maybe start doing things outside. I'm not saying get on social media and go crazy. I'm not saying get on social media and just you know, start, you know, going ham be like, oh my god, this is the one for me. No, no, no, no, no. You know, being on social media and it's like you're shopping at a grocery store. You know, you're shopping for the right one, the right product, the right person, the right brand. You know, this person's gonna be good to me. I mean, it's crazy, isn't it? I mean, back in my day, we used to like pass notes, and that was the best thing. If you liked a girl, you would tell the girl you go up, you liked her, and it would just be the best feeling ever. Now, you got a whole damn app that you can swipe left left and right. Jesus, you know, my kids and my nieces and nephews on these damn sites, and I can't, for the life of me, fathom it. But it's what it is. You got to do what makes you happy. Whatever makes you happy is gonna make you happy. Now, if you have some anger issues, I would you know suggest we get those in check because I don't know how long you've been alone. Um, not with this relationship, but before you got into this relationship. I don't know if you've had prior relationships. But if you're close with your family or if you're close with somebody, maybe talk to somebody and say, you know, maybe get some kind of uh not really direction, but some kind of guidance. So if you want to email me back, please feel free to email me. You know, my link is always in the description of my podcast. Um, feel free to email me. I welcome your letters, I welcome your feedback, and I hope you give me a follow-up, you know. So as we get ready to close this out, um I want to thank my loyal listeners. Um, I want to thank you guys for being there with me. I am going to be back on the grind as soon as I quickly can. Actually, not quickly can, I am gonna be back on the grind. So I am back from the Philippines. I had a really good time, and it was just the best, and I think I'll I'll probably cover that on my next podcast or my next show. So uh yeah, but as I said before, I want to thank you guys for listening to the show. I am the icon. The show is called Let's Talk About It. I will be posting on here and anywhere you can listen to um podcasts. I'm on Amazon, Spotify, iTunes, I'm on it all. The link is always in the description. If you guys want to email me, feel free to reach out. Um feel free to reach out to me, d6empire at 357 at gmail.com. Listen, I welcome the hate mail. I welcome all kind of mail, but doesn't necessarily mean I have to read it. So you can hate me, you can like me, you can say whatever you want. It's completely fine. Trust me, I've been through it all. So I don't do drama. I am me. If I can try to help somebody out, I will try to help you out. If I can't help you out, well, don't blame me. I'm not a licensed therapist, I do this shit for fun. So in closing today, I would like to leave Miss Alexis with a cloak well with a quote. Loving someone through bars takes a kind of strength that the world doesn't understand. Loving an inmate is not hard, the distance is not hard, the worry is not hard, the sacrifice is hard, but loving him, that's the easiest thing. So take those quotes into consideration when you're making your decision. Hopefully everything will go the way you want, hopefully everything will be alright, hopefully thing will be good. If I'm wrong, please tell me I'm wrong. I've got no problem being wrong, as you can see. I can admit my own faults. So I'm a man first, I'm a father, and I try to instill um that upon my voice, you know, because we're not all perfect, and I don't pretend that I am perfect. Even when I do my show, I don't pretend that I'm perfect, I'm just me, but I've been through some shit, I've seen some shit, and if I can try to share those experiences with you, then I will. So, as I said before, um, I'm up on all social medias, TikTok, IG. Uh, links are also in the description. I will put the links of my podcast on my page. Um, thank you guys for tuning in. And until next time, I hope you take care of yourself and each other.